~ Nightly Affairs ~

I have enjoyed blogging tremendously.

2005-08-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

I'm closing this blog. I'm still gonna blog. But this time it'll be anonymous.

It'll be a no-holds-barred one. Explicit.

Ironically, its people i know who read my blog which contributed to my decision.

There's a great reluctantance to do so but i have decided it must be done coz i don't wanna feel restricted no more.

I'll still give a selected few my new address.

Maybe repost certain archives of mine for my own perusal but that would be it.

Goodbye everyone. Whoever you are, wherever you are.

~~~~~~

"Its been a pleasure blogging and it certainly has benefited me in more ways than one!"

Studying

2005-08-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

1) Listen to soothing music (classical?)

2) Go solo?

3) In a group?

Fuck it. I can't study at home.

I'm outta here.

Rockstar

2005-08-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Now tell me is that stimulating or what.

I've always always always wanted to be a rockstar! Well not exactly the ideal career of choice(considering the country i live in), but it has always been one of my most-wanted fantasies!

I am a rock music aficionado. I can't imagine a day goes by without my mp3s. Its really what they say it is. "Music is food for the soul".

I don't really know if anyone out there digs rock music like i do but often when i hear the electric guitar strumming in a frenzy, the drums' pounding intensifying and the hoarse lyrics ringing in my ears incessantly, i go all "insane".. within. Its like your alter-ego in motion and you just feel the urge to "break out", go all crazy and live in the moment. Just like a rock concert where there are no inhibitions. Everyone goes all berserk in a good way, you know.. just really living and not live for the sake of living. Where everybodys' thumping really hard and letting their emotions flow freely. What a sight it must be. Not to mention the ecstatic feeling thereafter.

I love it when a song undergoes a brief pause, a transition between chorus and stanzas which never loses its momentum and picks up right where it left off. Similarly, it rocks when a song progresses into a slower, gentler tone, then all of a sudden, it enforces all of its intention through lyrics and music at that exact moment which never fails to captivate. Its like saying "I'm not fucking done yet!!!"

What are woes?! What is stress?! Work?! School?! Fuck all that for the time being!

Isn't it a wonderful thing to know what you enjoy in life? Rather than living through life without knowing what the fuck happened.

This is exactly how i feel about my campus mates.. Majority of them behave like they're born to study. And study. And study. Come on, surely there are other things that are of importance or significance? I am not one to mock or condemn though i tend to grade first impressions. And i dare say many of the people i met do not interest me. This irritates me. It makes me feel really dejected sometimes that people are just like that. Boring. Cannot hold a conversation. Too much constraint. I want friends who can talk about anything under the sun, not too personal probably but at least to an extent that there won't be awkwardness sharing thoughts.

Alas. It seems people of this nature are limited. Nevermind. I can't change and I won't.

I got carried away.

Can anyone just motivate me to pick up the electric guitar? I am such a slacker sometimes. So much so, i think i'll go through my entire life not knowing how to play my favourite instrument :)
Hey i love drums too. To me, drums is indispensable in a band. Only thing is the level of appeal doesn't quite reach up to that of the electric guitar. Oh yeah. In case you are wondering, i'm not into acoustic guitars. Primarily because i think they sound wimp-y.. don't ask me why.

I want a band! And i want it now! God damn it. I really admire those rock musicians performing AS a band. Its just so therapeutic to one's soul knowing that you are releasing your angst while you are still alive, kicking and hungry. I think its the ultmate form of expressionism. Being in touch with your inner self and just going all out to convey thoughts into lyrics.

Back to reality. Which sucks.

Studying is a must but why oh why must it be a torment. My ignition key is already inserted. Engine will be starting soon. Friday. Anyone knows how to exorcize the spirit of idleness. I will pay good money you know.

~~~~~~

I want a normal life
Just like a newborn child
I am a lover hater
I am an instigator
You are an oversight
Dont try to compromise
I learn to love to hate it

I AM NOT INTEGRATED!!!

~~~~~~

I live a chemical life
I'm on a mission to try
You went insane for a day
I'll have to shove it away
My only option is gone
Smile as they break and they fall
You want a simpler life
You can't erase what was mine

You must be out of your mind!
This was a simple design!
You fuck it up everytime
How could you leave me behind

It's alright, it's alright!
'cause I know what you want
but you'll just have to wait
If I had it to give
I would give it away
I'm living it up
while I'm falling from grace
There's no way, there's no way that I'm running away!

I'm used to making it worse
Made up of four letter words
You wanna know what it was
Now isolated and gone
You fall apart at the seams
I'll never know what it means
Try not to pull it apart
Your aiming straight from the heart

It had to be the worst for me
I don't know what to say so let me be
And now I find you left me behind
I don't know what to say so nevermind!

You're mine....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~

That felt really good.

Still the obvious

2005-08-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

10 months.

You.

Others can't measure up.

Not surprised.

You're still the obvious winner.

Foolish.

A shadow of former self.

The yearning.

The inaction.

If only.. if only.. if only..

October.

My longest pause since 1999.

Not time.

It was you.

Cherish

2005-08-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

It's really rare to meet people that know you inside out.. well lets just say almost. No other human being can know you better than yourself isn't it?

But to meet just a handful of them who can be there for you when you need a listening ear or crying shoulder is considered a blessing if you ask me.

I am the sort who hates it when people talk about my friends behind their backs. Esp if its unjustified and blatantly untrue.

I know sometimes I can't really define myself too. I am just too erratic I admit.

Many a time, I've always thought how wonderful would it be if I had this.. that.. or could this.. that.. but its all just wishful thinking and detrimental to confidence. I think its time to accept that issues revolving around your life doesn't and cannot always rub you the right way. What we can do is try to salvage whatever is possible, be sensible and scamper to the nearest, shortest tunnel that will bring you back into the daylight.

Speaking of which, the movie "Daylight" comes to mind :)

I love the way they clinged on together in desperate times. Even the cliched happy ending.

Shouldn't the fight in life be something of this magnitude?

When tragedy befalls, its how you stand up to it and not falter under the weight upon you.

I wish I was the hero in the show.

To have a chance to be someone. To make a crucial difference in lives. Doing something refreshing to break the oddity and monotony of everyday's routine.

haha.. i'm not thinking of being a male nurse k..

Contentment.

Such is life.

But life's such a bitch in every sense of the word.

Ok. Maybe sometimes.

I shouldn't complain actually. What I have could be more than what others wished for.

~~~~~~

Oh man.. hear this.. its playing..

You tried so hard to be someone that you forgot who you are..

You tried to fill some emptiness till all you had spilled over!

Now everything's so far away

that you don't know where you are!

Aiyo this song rocks man.

A joke ok.. just a joke..

2005-08-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling quite disheartened now. Allow me to share a racist joke.. Just take it as light hearted comedy ok?

Four men of different ethnicity decided to buy a car.

The Chinese bought a Toyota Corolla. He was so happy about it, he proceeded to bless the new car.

*unsheaths the wooden sword.. mutters some gibberish nonsense.. sticks talismans all over the windscreen*

The Eurasian bought a Ferrari. He was so happy about it, he proceeded to bless the new car.

*recites countless verses from the bible.. sprinkles holy water all over.. hangs a cross on the rear view mirror*

The Indian bought a Mercedez Benz. He was so happy about it, he proceeded to bless the new car.

*whips out the mini-elephant statue from pocket.. stirs the warm milk.. a spoonful at a time..*

The Malay bought a Proton Wira. He was so happy about it, he proceeded to bless the new car.

*points to the rest*

"you all ah.. go to so much trouble for what.."

*cuts exhaust pipe*

~~~~~~

hehehe.

The feeling of nostalgia.

2005-08-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have just written another appeal letter. This time involving this particular module I'm eyeing.

It just feels so.. nostalgic..

I'm feeling kind of sad, thinking I have to resort to such means.. again?

If everything goes well, I shall post the letter here.. for my own remembrance.

If it doesn't go the way I want it to be.. well.. erm..

Sigh.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Cowardice vs Discernment

2005-08-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

W.P. Kinsella said,

"Syzygy, inexorable, pancreatic, phansmagoria - anyone who can use those four words in one sentence will never have to do manual labour."

Great. I only understood one word out of four.

The pirated version:

"Defeat, Deduct, Defence - anyone who can use those three words in one sentence will never have to read an email twice."

Hell yeah i can! Since the age of 8!

(Answers at the end)

It all happened during one of those compulsory "Sports Day" organised by the school. Somehow or rather, Toa Payoh stadium was always the stadium of choice for Maris stella High School.

I was a geeky kid then who made sure that the rules were never flouted.

Golden rules such as,

1) No producing of medical certificate/parent's letter as an excuse for absence even if parents offered to go through the hassle!

2) I arrive on time, I leave on time. Not a minute later or earlier respectively.

3) I do not wander around aimlessly in case the teacher reports me as m.i.a(missing in action). Punishment duh.

4) I do not make any noise unnecessarily in case the runners can't hear above the gunshot.

5) No jeering.

I didn't break any of them. Except when the teachers' race was ongoing.

Can't help it. Very disgusting to see the fatso-s wobble to the finish line you know.

There was this year when my brother hatched up a plan to escape the boring event.

Not through mc-s/letters but through sheer guts and balls of steel.

The back alley gate of the stadium was our rendevous.

Situated near the toilet, it was the perfect excuse.

I took my time surveying the surroundings. Amidst the cheering and rowdiness, i disappeared into the crowd and slipped away quietly, making sure i was alone.

The fellow conspirator was waiting.

The gate was locked much to his dismay.

Just as the cheers died down, another cheer surfaced.. at the sight of a gaping hole in the surrounding fence.

The daring one made it out, leaving strands of cloth, perhaps a hair or two, dangling from the protruding edges of the metal wires.

Out of nowhere, several students appeared holding plastic cups of fragrant milo and pieces of cake. Courtesy of complementary tickets. I had two of them too.

Cold feet. Can't do it under watchful eyes.

Milo-boozing, cake-gobbling trespassers followed suit. Besides the initial exclamations of pain, all that could be heard was laughter fading in the distance and the enlarged hole in the fence.

I stood rooted, looking up at the seemingly insurmountable fence.

The fellow conspirator made his getaway after realising persuasion was futile.

~~~~~~

"Defeat, Deduct, Defence - anyone who can use those three words in one sentence will never have to read an email twice."

Answer:

Defeat of deduct jumped over defence.

(The feet of the duck jumped over the fence)

Damn i'm good haha.

Myths / Facts?

2005-08-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

Studying is directly proportional to..

1) Eccentricity

2) Appearance

3) Being street-smart

:)

Hoping against hope.

2005-08-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Firstly, i would say things have gotten better in terms of the bidding wise though its still unresolved. I'm still short of one module and bidding ends on the 16th. Merciless sytem. I hate it.

Hope everything works out.

Hope I don't let myself down.

Secondly, i was unsure about what my reaction would be if i saw her stepping in. Mist was building inside me and it clouded my thoughts. I wonder how it would have felt if i saw her with someone.

She didn't appear.

Though i was hoping against hope that she did.

I just wanted to know my reaction.. after this considerably long period of time.

Regret. But its all over now.

Uncertainty

2005-08-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Thats exactly what i'm feeling now. Though i'm all geared up and raring to go, the fear of the unknown still kicks in a little somehow. But no worries, this time i'm having a much more positive attitude towards going back to school.

Last year, i was faced with a dilemma. A conflict within me which i had to resolve. It was eating me alive? It all happened when i started being increasingly frustrated over school. It was mostly over the course i enrolled for. I became paranoid and dreaded the future which laid down in all prominence before me. My interest was in doubt. It was just too much for me to bear eventually and i left after close to 6 months.

$3000+ was gone forever. I felt the pinch. It was a vicious one. More so, when i thought of the toils undergone to earn that money. I was really disappointed and angry with myself for being a "quitter" which i self-labelled myself for a while. It took me about a month before i sorted out everything. I became myself, what i was originally. A happy-go-lucky dude, sensitive when the situation calls for it.

However, what i gained evened the loss. The loss being money and studies. Friends is another matter. I'm not saying they're not important but what was crucial to me then was personal. I had to get up on my own two feet and rebuilt the self-confidence that i lost.

I did it. Through work. Through people. I bonded with colleagues and newly made friends along the way. Many of these are not recorded in words in my blog. They are all embedded in my brain. But I think its time to dig out the archives since i'm embarking on a new adventure starting Wednesday. A student once again. Perhaps for the very last time.

There was this young lady who was so independent and staunch in her principles, i started to develop feelings for her. I don't normally fall for girls that easily. I might joke and tease endlessly about a drop-dead gorgeous babe but that would be the end of it. It was not a love at first sight. It was a gradual liking overtime, something that i'll never forget. The things she told me and shared. The way she prepared herself for responsibilities. The way she managed her time, juggling work and studies. I could hardly believe she was my age. I was struck by her maturity and i guess thats when i re-evaluated my life at the age of 21.

Then, there was this manager i met when i was working. He provided another face that i held up to. He had minimal education but made out the best of it. He is one of those frugal people who has really experienced hardship in life. He's tough as nails at work. He was a man of great poise. A ready listener, both personal and work-wise. Trading ideas and sharing experiences during the course of work was more than what i learnt doing my job. Never did a day went by without his guidance and enthusiasm pushing me on. He knew exactly what a greenhorn like me needed.

There is this particular friend of mine who came back from Australia who is now one of my bestest buddies. We were just the occasional clubbing mates before but became closer through similar problems we faced. He has that outgoing personality that i don't see in many others. Knowing when to be serious and when to be crazy.

~~~~~~

I chose this song for two reasons.

1) The title applies. Another phase of my life has begun.

2) I love the song to bits!

Breaking Benjamin - Phase

The light is dead in your eye
So I'll keep livin my life
I only wanted to try
To find my way back inside

My imitation of life
My litigation of life
It's something easy to find
Inside the shade of your eye

[chorus]

Out of the ground I rise to grace
Nobody knows it's just a phase
Help me I'm out of breath again
Nobody knows somewhere to make it go away

Phase [x 4]

I find it hard to decide
The way to make up your mind
Your lips are better than mine
So you can kiss this goodbye

My imitation of life
My litigation of life
It's something easy to find
Inside the shade of your eye

[chorus]

It's just a phase
And I can't wait

phase [x 3]

I know [x 3]

It's just a fucking phase!!!!!!

(ps: Breaking Benjamin has officially overtaken Goo Goo Dolls for the Number 1 Spot!)

I love every single song! How's that possible :)

Lunasea - Love Song

2005-08-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

This song ROCKS!!!

LA LA!

LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!

LA LA!

LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!

......

(It's in the song!)

Dont antagonise me now

2005-08-03T05:52:00.000-07:00

I am so damn annoyed with nus bidding system.

What a god damn predicament i'm facing. All thanks to that shit.

I feel like wringing someone's neck! Gnahhh!

This is sooooooooo irritating!!! I haven't even started lectures formally and this shit is happening!

Life sucked the last week.. and more to come i'm sure.

FUUUUCK!!!!!!

Rain

2005-08-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying..

I'm only happy when it rains
I’m only happy when it’s complicated
and though I know you can’t appreciate it
I’m only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
and why it feels so good to feel so sad
I’m only happy when it rains

(Garbage - I'm Only Happy When It Rains)

A morning drizzle culminated into a heavy downpour which lasted till early afternoon.

It brought back lots of memories in me. Flashbacks upon flashbacks.

When i was young, i used to have this rocking carriage in my grandmother's kitchen. A rusty metal carriage repainted several times over the years that followed.

Sometimes green.. sometimes a pale beige.

Gradually, it became thicker than it once was. I could even dent it without much effort by pressing down on the paint. It was fun peeling off the layer of beige paint only to reveal the green underneath.

We also had a cosy little garden by the backyard where the potted plants which consisted of birds-of-paradise and carnations were placed.

Anywhere beyond the boundary of the garden's gate was strictly out of bounds.

unless the ice-cream uncle with the bell comes ringing at 6pm sharp.

It was a time to remember.. 6pm that is. $1 space cones were always the obvious choice, with the occasional frozen lime with milk inside from time to time.

Since accessibility to the outside world was limited, the mobile playground became my object of affection for countless hours. When all was said and done, be it simple household chores or homework, I would spend the entire day left in the kitchen amidst the endless frying frenzy and charcoal fumes.

I would slouch on the carriage rails and let my arms hang loosely while it creaks in protest against the weight. Chin resting on my biceps, i would proceed to watch as my granny whips up dish after dish.

There was once when i was in my favourite stance^, i got so annoyed with the houseflies that i rubbed tiger balm all over my exposed skin, stinging my eyes in the process. It was a futile attempt to ward off the univited guests. I resorted to vintage plastic handheld swipers.

Apparently, it later became one of my favourite past times.

smack! Smack! SMACK!

I chased the perpetrators out into the garden and breached the safety zone. I couldn't help it.

I had to hunt down the rest of the platoon you know.

Before i knew it, my miniature-scaled war was hindered by impending rain warnings by my granny from a distance.

Lor hor liao! Lor hor liao! Ka kin jip lai! (Gonna rain! Gonna rain! Get your ass back here!)

I had to let them off. If not, i wouldn't be let off.

Grudgingly, i resumed my favourite stance. Sure enough, the rain came pouring soon after.

Never doubt someone who jiak yam bi le jiak bi zuei (Has eaten more salt then what you have for rice).

Never doubt someone who has the din diao (cane) within reach.

In another words, don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs :)

The sight of bubbles bursting on the puddles caught my attention. Don't ask me why but the first thought that came to my head was that battleships were being bombarded with missiles from above.

Ironically, it was actually the rain that was the one causing the bubbles to appear and be "destroyed".

From then on, that scene gave me a different perspective when it comes to puddles, bubbles and such.

There was this particular rainy day when a cat took shelter in the garage. It was nuzzled cosily against the pole. Sadly, it scurried away even before i could say meow. It squeezed through the gate and bolted out of sight.

Being kay-poh (Inquisitive/nosy) in nature, i searched and searched for the missing cat.

"It can't have gotten far.." I thought.

It was the last place i looked. The open sledge of drain just beside the pavement.

I crouched as low as i could and leaned forward on all fours like a tiger preparing to leap at its prey.

Many translucent green eyes illuminated in the dark and returned my gaze.

I ran back into the safety zone.

~~~~~~

I love rain.

I think its very romantic being able to walk in the rain, with your beloved walking in tow and snuggling beside you.

Second only to snow.

Rain rain go away..

Come again some other day..

All the world is waiting for the sun..

(Breaking Benjamin - Rain)

The allergy which lead to her death.

2005-07-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

It was heartwrenching when i read of the young mother who died due to a fatal allergy to medicine.

Even more so, when i read the part which stated how she died and how her family reacted. Particularly her young daughter.

"Don't want! Thats not my mummy!!!"

That was what she said when she was saw her mother for the first time since the illness.

This case reminded me of a friend who said this to me after a chapter of my life.

He said to me this:

"At least you still have your health right?"

Then we went on to have casual drinks with the rest.

So true Noel.

So very true.

Here i am..

2005-07-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

resting my butt on my bed and thinking of CORS.

Tomorrow will be the first bidding i ever participate in in nus.

Aiyoyoyoyoyoyo. Dunno what to take.

I am the world's worst procrastinator so i predict i will be doing everything else except CORS till the very last minute.

I wanna club later yet i don't wanna club becoz of this CORS thingy.

Bah.

Anyway, CORS is rather complex.

I sit and ponder. What will be of me three years from now..

Hopefully, i'll have my first degree and venture into the working world.

Will i further my studies after my degree?

It's still early actually.

Here i go. Thinking again about life and its purpose.

Death will come sooner or later.

Theres something in life i seem to know for sure a fact that i'll never... at least not yet.

That is to put your heart and soul into something you've always wanted to do and achieve happiness.

I think i sound ambiguous.

Take it that i have something in my mind that i can't seem to muster the courage the do.

What the fuck am i waiting for.

Nothing ventured nothing gained right???

Yes i know but its tough.

I gotta peel off the mask and manifest myself bare and naked.

What reputation do i have? Like i have one in the first place.

Interaction. What a word.

Before my admittance into the uni, i was freaking out a little over choices.

Now, i'm still having more or less the same feeling.

Its a rough-it-out world. So harsh. You are poor and you are destined for hardship.

Humour.

I crave humour. But not many people i know have the right sense of humour to suit mine.

Some people i feel don't even know the word.

They are so stuck up and boring.

I feel as if Singapore doesn't suit me sometimes.

On the other hand, i can't live without my own countrymen. I've already adapted into the casual conversations and humour of the local people here.

Its just that the people who attract me are not many.

I'm beginning to believe that a person must get married during the course of his/her life.

It really makes one life complete.

I also believe a person must have their own dark little secrets which can only be shared with your significant other.

I also believe in getting wild. You know.. all hot and dirty..

At least you can have some memories which proclaim "Been There Done That!"

Of coz not the bad things like crime etc. But something worth remembering like perhaps the wildest party you threw.

Friends are so important. True friends are rare.

I'm 22.

Gotta charge and charge.

No stopping.

You hear me Kenneth?

I won't.

Hopefully :)

Unmolested

2005-07-27T01:37:00.000-07:00

*Warning. Extremely infantile.*

Like that small boy in "Sixth Sense" who sees dead people,

I see monsters.

There are monsters roaming around in my school.

Every room, every hall, every corridoor, every canteen, every toilet, every corner, every bus stop.

They lurk everywhere. How come that group of people over there do not notice anything out of the ordinary.

Then i realised those people don't really look human too.

I ran. Down the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me.

Oh no! More monsters at the bus stop!

*Reaches for my tommy laser gun tucked into my utility belt*

"Wheres that god damn contraption when i need it most!?"

"Don't come near me or I'll zap you into a zillion microscopic corpuscles!"

Bus arrived in the nick of time.

Boarded and jumped. Out the window. Monsters were waiting for me at the back. A gauntlet.

Sprinted all the way home on foot.

Monsters chased. They came out from everywhere. Tried to converge on me but failed.

"NEVER YOU HEAR ME! NEVER!!! HAHAHA!!!"

Panting heavily, i reached my destination.

Lift doors tried in vain to close. A hand reached out and tried to grab my leg.

Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

I threw my books at the monsters who caught up with me.

They ate it without even thinking twice. They just ate it.

Lift doors managed to close just as they finished the meal.

Took out keys. Fumbled. Dropped the keys twice.

"mmmoooorrreee booooookkkkks... mooooooorrrreeee booooksss..."

I could hear their moaning. They were near. Very near.

I slammed my door. A hand was in the way once again.

With my body pressing against the door which was about to burst open, i reached across the table and threw a handful of books out the ajar door.

That did the trick.

I bolted the door. Hammered wooden planks onto the doors to reinforce it.

Monsters tried in vain to barge in.

I heaved a sigh of relief.

~~~~~~

My school got alot of book-thirsty monsters.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

My youngest years

2005-07-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

When i was in elementary school for six years, i had the honour of meeting 4 buddies which i still hold dear the memories we shared. I was in an all-boys school. Maris Stella High School.

For four lengthy holistic years, life was pretty mundane and straightforward.

It was school.. home.. tv.. homework.. bathe.. sleep.

I only started gaining consciousness right after primary 4. That was when i met two of my best buddies in school. One more joined us later on.

If i mentioned about how we became good friends, many of you probably would laugh it off as silly. But i'm gonna say it anyway.

It was after the exams. Every class had their own boardgames and chess stuff lying around.

We were either snapping staple bullets at one another or huddled in groups talking about cartoons.

One fine evening when it was almost time for the bell to chime the ever-so-familiar tune to mark the end of the day, i noticed F giving A his number. I wasn't given and was rather hurt really.

Jealous kid i was.. what can i say :)

I insisted on my share of the pie. I snatched. I wrestled. They were both reluctant to give me the number.

Finally i pried open A's hand using brute force and with a little help from my adamant sneaky little finger, i triumphantly held up the little slip of paper with the number written on it.

That was part 1 of the friendship.

During that time, everyone i knew watched chinese dramas on SBC (Singapore Broadcasting Corporation). The inverse is true now though. Ok, so the craze was on this drama called "The Unbeatables", which was a story revolving around love, gambling, deceit and revenge.

"The Unbeatables II" was really good too may i add. But i can't say the same for part III.

It was really torturous to see Tay Ping Hui swimming around in cyberspace gambling with his opponents.

Back to the point.

So a group of us decided to bring poker cards to school. We used plastic cards baby. The type which could withstand bending and still be very malleable and undeformed. We loved to split the decks into two, bend each deck in both hands, swish them down on the table in alternating motion and end it all with a semicircle flurry. It resembles a note-counting machine.

F, A and I formed our own group. We had a hierarchy ranking system. We represented ourselves as "lao da, lao er, lao san, lao si and so forth.." ("Big boss, second big boss.. you get the picture")

As we were short of one gambling kaki(mate), we recruited J out of nowhere. We dragged him over to play for us as the fourth player.

The opposing team yelled from the opposite end of the class and challenged us, the "Four Musketeers." Yes, that was our callsign.

We gathered together around a rectangular arrangement of tables. Blackjack and poker.

Can't really remember who lost or who won. All i can remember are internal squabbles, deprecating insults and sore-loser small talks.

But I won.

I made a new buddy. His name was J.

That was part 2 of the friendship.

Basketball was the next addiction. F started the trend one friday. F, A and i would spend every friday afternoon in the court ever since. J seldom accompanied us due to strict rules set by his parents.

I can still remember A's girlish way of throwing. And whining.

I can still remember the monkey bars where F and i would be taunting A from above.. that he was too fat.. too much bui ba (blubber) until cannot climb up.

I can still remember the spooky banana tree. How i rustled through the overlying branches to retrieve the ball underneath.

How smooth the seasoned ball felt.

We would play our guts out till all three lifeless bodies lay sprawled on the court.

We would admire the image of our perspiration left behind and compare. It was ritual.

Then we would adjourn to our own class, which was way way way up the grandstand steps. Not forgetting the rejuvenating can of coke from the vending machine downstairs.

Once we have settled ourselves comfortably in the classroom, the fun begins. It became our Go-let-it-all-out room.

In other words, we would vent whatever aggression we accumulated with regard to teachers and fellow classmates on the chalkboard, tables etc.

For tables, we would draw grafitti using pens, liquid paper or compasses.

For the chalkboard, we had this really bizarre game. I'm sure everyone knows that all chalkboards has this ledge at the bottom for placement of the duster and chalks. We would position ourselves at the very end of the class and start throwing in between turns.

Whoever manages to land his chalk onto the ledge wins! Somewhat similar to what my brother and I did. Only ping pong balls were the victims then.

Sometimes, we would draw a large target comprising of many circles, with the distinct red dot in the middle of it.

Sometimes, we would throw them at each other, resulting in multi-coloured, polka-dotted uniforms.

Damn, that was fun.

That was part 3 of the friendship.

During my last year in elementary school, my chinese teacher was excessively dedicated to her job. So much so, she implemented a compulsory saturday morning class for everyone. Tough nut to crack.

Don't mess with her. Her favourite food is ear lobes.

Come to think of it. This saturday morning class turned out to be quite enriching i must say.

F instructed on a particular friday evening that A and i come early tomorrow morning. He was implying that we come earlier than everyone. He had a surprise for us!

A prank on the guillible teacher was what i imagined it to be. Wooooo. So exciting! Previously, we had a fart-bomb implanted in the corner of the class which called for evacuation.

I arrived early as planned. Just as the caretaker opened the gates.

I rushed upstairs only to find myself alone.

But not for long.

F stepped in and grinned from ear-to-ear.

F: "Eh! Ai kua ho liao mai?" ("Eh! Wanna see something good?")

Me: "wah lao of coz la! if not i come so early for what."

F flushed out something from his bag and flipped.

That was the first time i envied Hugh Hefner.

That was the first time my brother stood proudly and sang in all earnestness,

"MARI KITA RAKYAT SINGAPURA SAMA SAMA MENUJU BAHAGIA...!

"Say goodbye to my little friend.."

Now you know why it was enriching that Saturday.

~~~~~~

Though the Fellowship has been broken but it was great while it lasted.

I am contented.

Bushed

2005-07-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

I need a gooooooood night's rest..

Gonna try to write a story tomorrow.

Till then.. goodnight bloggy.

ps :

No one has said anything about my long hair so i'll just leave it at that till someone ticks me off at work hahaha. Two weeks till i tender my resignation and start school.

Hmm. This'll be interesting.

NKF issue

2005-07-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

This saga ended with a twist. The case was withdrawn in just two days.

I felt a sense of injustice being done to the donors.

1) T.T Durai should step down in my opinion. He has abused and misused the funds for personal reasons. The meaning of the words "charitable organisation" has been grossly misinterpreted by him.

Entitlement? F*** you.

2) NKF must be revamped and made more transparent about the statistics of revenues, patients etc and the management system. I agree with what SPH lawyers said.

3) I applaud the lawyers of SPH, esp Davinder Singh, for their eloquence and straightforward questions. I am very impressed.

One last thing.

I read in the newspapers that after the hearing was over, Mrs Goh said something along the lines of "For an organisation which deals with millions, 600,000 is peanuts.".

Peanuts??? F*** you!

Steve Jobs aka The Storymaker.

2005-07-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

I was planning to put this up yesterday night.. guess it slipped my mind while i was typing the previous post. I am plagiarising this from another's blog :)

Anyway..

*drums roll please*

Here it is.

It's very inspirational to me. So much so, i read it twice.

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades.

Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

~~~~~~

Thanks for sharing this Steve Jobs.

In just 6 months.

2005-07-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

I'm utterly disappointed in you.. to the point I can never look at you the same way as i did. You were one of my role models. I held you in high regard.

1) Your perseverence to succeed in life despite having only O'levels.

2) Your desire to settle down and experience a family life of your own knowing full well your childhood wasn't a pleasant one.

3) Your commitment to work just before you got married.

4) Your listening ears when i was down and almost out years ago.

5) Your contagious brand of humour.

You were like a brother.

But all that has changed ever since i caught up with you the other day. It was a highly anticipated meet up and i was really eager to share stories since then.

It has been almost 6 months since we, as a group of 5, sat down, had a decent meal and exchanged hearty laughs over jokes that only we could understand.

2 of us hadn't changed.

1 of us got attached, wasn't feeling too happy though. Coz by what i can gather, she wasn't your ideal girl and you are just taking steps one at a time for now.

But you on the other hand..

You decided to put your marriage on the line and get involved with another girl. Your supposedly old flame. Your wife has given you so much and this is how you return your gratitude and open-ended love??

You are crazy.

Your jobs have always been unstable and you speak of changing jobs once again. Seems you are unmotivated to an extent that i can't even look at you in the eye and crack jokes like how i used to when you first knew me.

I got questions for you.

1) Are you sure you're ready for fatherhood?

2) Do you know why you got married?

3) Drinking and making merry isn't exactly the first words i was expecting.

4) Have you thought about your future? Goodness. Can't believe i'm saying this to someone older than me.

I am shocked.. at the same time i am disgusted. Commiting adultery, sexual or not, is a behaviour i cannot condone.

Don't bother calling me about the cigarettes. I won't go through the hassle to get them for you, much alone find out the prices.

Find your calling and stick to ethics once again. Though the damage has been done, i still do consider you a friend and will continue to hope.

You're on your own. For now.

Happy, sad and angry experienced in the same day.

2005-07-11T05:46:00.001-07:00

I shall save the best for last.

Why am i sad?

Sometimes i feel as if i'm the only one in the family who has dreams.. as in realistic dreams. Today, i splurged on a new handphone. This is one of the rare times i actually spent more than 600 in one swish. Why i'm sad is that when i buy the phone and show it to my family first thing when i step into the house, they do not feel any ounce of excitement.. instead, they think its pointless and that i'm squandering my hard earned money for nothing.

Just a few thoughts materialised into words.

1) I hardly spend so much and i scrimp and save whenever i can. Only not today.

2) I always have this mentality. "You only live once."

As the m1 company ideally puts it, "One Life. Live It." My family is a middle-income family. We are fortunate enough financial-wise. If not for that..

probably i wouldn't have broadband to blog this.

probably i wouldn't be sitting here in the comfort of an air-conditioned room

probably i would be in burger king serving kids fries.

probably i would have forgone university studies.

probably i would have stuck to the same handphone for a decade.

I am contented with what my parents have given me and what they can't. Like a car perhaps?
I'm PERFECTLY fine with all that coz i am not an asshole. I don't blame my parents for what i lacked in luxuries.

Yes.

I admit.

I have always fantasized about a bungalow where i can roam freely.

A place where i can spend the entire day sifting through the booze for the best wine or alcohol.

A place where i can be king and servants are at my every beck and call. Maids if you are talking about Singapore.

A place where i can organise wild parties for friends and have loads of fun all the way past midnight.

A place where i can have multiple computers where i can have my own domain of lan gaming with my own siblings as we challenge each other virtually.

A place where i have a reading room and its stacked ceiling high with an abundance of knowledge.

A place where i have a room with my very own balcony for star gazing and self reflection.

A place with widescreen LCD plasma tvs situated in almost every room.

A place where expensive, most sought after paintings, carpetry, decorations etc can be seen ravishing in its very own uniqueness and mastery.

A place where i can relive childhood memories by means of wealth. A swing. A garden. It all fits.

I want to find the slugs again.

I want to watch as my plants grow, bear fruits and wither.

I want a small little cosy place for myself, my wife and my kids to play and be enraptured by their innocence and laughter.

I want to be able to live long enough to see with my very own eyes that my children grow to become capable and honest men and women. I want to see them armed with a larger-than life attitude.

I really can go off topic once i let my fingers do the talking.

Thing is, my siblings are somehow blinded by limitations, limitations that i myself can't figure out even though i'm in touch with them every single day.

They lack the enthusiasm.. the drive to improve.

Whats life then. Is there any in the first place..

Life is filled with ups and downs right? In all gaiety and sorrow, whats a mere 700 if i can afford it and smile back.

Why am i angry?

As most would know, i consider myself the only non-believer in Christ. Except for my mum, younger sister and brother who fluctuates along that line. My young siblings are still young to cogitate on these teachings. Why i do not believe is simple. Coz i do not see the benefits it did to my father, brother and anyone i know. If at all.

My dad called me just now.

The phone was transferred over to me. My dad said he needed my help in something. Immediately, the word "Oh no & No" flashed instantly in my mind. He said he needed me to answer certain questions posed by his mentors as part of his assessment course in psychology. Its related very closely to the concept of Christianity. He needed that survey as a criteria to pass.

He needed my answers.

I thought it was just purely a phone conversation so i agreed to the request.

Only then did i found out that it was a sit-around-the-table discussion thingy.

I declined. Was really impolite and impatient in tone and words.

I shouted.

Somehow anger engulfed me. Esp when its one of the topics i disliked the most.

At the back of my mind, i was thinking this was just a ploy by my dad to either:

1) Influence me spiritually.

2) Reaffirm my direction in university. I am planning to take psychology remember?

Problem with #2 is that whoever that comes to my house is gonna give me a very biased outlook on the field. They are after all.. christians. I'm also prejudiced against them. Can't be helped.

Well at least, my dad on the other line remained calm. Then i thought again. Maybe its becoz people were with him. Its a reputation shit.

Later when he comes back around 11pm, i would have had a piece of good news for him.

1) I bought his new phone, a T630, to go along with a prepaid card since his present phone is gonna be returned at the end of the month.

2) I'm offering my own tie in place of one that he told me to buy. My company has its own issued tie so i figured why not just give him mine you know.

Bah.

Now that my mood was ALMOST spoilt.. its time for the main event!!!

Why i'm happy?

Sony fucking Ericsson K750i!

I'm gonna go fucking mental here so stop reading if you just had your dinner.

A Warning:

Who ever steals this god damn phone better don't let me find out. Ever.

Coz i'll eat your balls for breakfast. (if you have any.)

Coz i'll do you so hard, it'll make "Irreversible" a fucking joke.

Coz i'll kick the shit out of you.

I mean it.

Don't let me find out. If that ever happens.

All that aside, my phone will be fully-charged by next morning.

Tomorrow, i'm a happy man =)

Can't wait to check it out!

Thy reply would be..

2005-07-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

"hey mate wana go to diz party called elevation tonite tickets at 25 all international djs spinning frm 9 to morning music is house and trance :) market place rooftop carpark level 8"

Its sad but i have the weekend shift this week. What makes it sadder is that this group of chiongsters fucking rock. Babes, alcohol.. name it you have it..

Anyway, sales has been pretty bad for me these days.

I hesitated when my boss questioned about my sales achievement the past two weeks.

Then i blurted it out.

"mmm si wa buay sai.. si wa chin cai.."

(is not i cannot.. is because i "relax"..)

He laughed.

I survived another sales report.

hehehe.

My Grandfather's Spirit?

2005-07-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

This is an account of my grandfather's passing.

I was still at a very tender age of 9 years old. I was never really that close to my grandfather coz he was a reserved no-nonsense man. Not to mention, I was a really quiet kid back then, only opening up to my brother at that time.

Majority of his day would be spent on his creaking, old-fashioned wooden rocking chair. Mornings were very routine and predictable. He would wake up around 6-7am and make his way to the nearby grass patch to participate in some tai-ji group. Then he would come back and tend to his garden. We lived in a terrace in Haig Road by the way. It's demolished now to make room for some other land developments. My grandmother now lives in another terrace housing in Joo Chiat.

I still remember the rusty gate which was painted over many times with a pale green.

I still remember the hollow pole in the garage which i absolutely must climb at least once a day.

I still remember how i would climb into my auntie's car, start up the engine and turn the wheel left and right frantically. I've always imagined myself to be a car racer every time i was on wheels.

I still remember my grandfather's backview when he sprayed water onto his beloved plants while pressing down on the opening tip of the hose. He could spend hours tending to his plants a day.

I still remember the purple orchids in full bloom.

I still remember the angsana trees outside.

I still remember the periwinkles. I would walk pass that alley and pick one up every few days even though i knew from the science textbook that periwinkles were somewhat poisonous.

I still remember collecting "love seeds". I used to play with those cute little bright red seeds and throw them at close friends in school.

I still remember the drain where i waited for my school bus to arrive. I would step on this congregation of red ants each time they decide to evacuate their fallen warriors. I was the giant then. Occasionally, i would get a bite or two on the leg, even on the neck. There was once i developed a rash on my neck due to a bite i suppose. It was unsightly.

I still remember being awakened by granny's harsh slap on the thighs. And the traditional goodies like soon kweh, baos etc for breakfast. Sometimes, there was the ham with bread which i craved from time to time.

Anyway back to the topic.

So my grandfather would spend the rest of the afternoon taking naps, watching chinese television and reading the newspaper on his rocking chair.

Each time he stood up for a trip to the toilet, i would take the opportunity to sit and rock away in his place. Its a rule given to me by my grandmother never to play with the rocking chair. Basically, the rule was that if anything san chang liang duan(three long two short in chinese meaning extremely bad) was to happen to it, shit happens.

Once a week or so, he would tell me to bring a chinese scrap book over. He would pen down certain chinese words, a meticulous stroke at a time, and pass it back to me to practise writing.

That was about one of the rare times i ever had any contact with him.

That and also the family dinners every night. It was always the same. Aunties, uncles and the kids would greet him and say in quick succession "ah gong jia" or "ah pa jia". jia means eat in hokkien. With that, he would acknowledge everyone seated at the round table by saying, "jia jia.. zho le jia..", which was something like permission granted sort of way.

When he finally gave in to cancer, he was resting peacefully at home. He was allowed to go home coz the doctors acceded to his request to expire in the comfort of his home, somewhere where he's emotionally attached, familiar and close to loved ones.

All i remember was rushing to my granny's in the middle of the night when i was abruptly shoved out of my sleep.

Everyone gathered around the bed. I saw my aunt crying her eyes out beside my grandfather's who was expressionless in his sleep. I stood motionless.

The funeral proceedings were those typical chinese traditional rites and chants. There was also the sending of the hearse whereby every member of the family had to follow behind. I wasn't allowed to view the incineration.

After the funeral was all over, my family had to follow certain superstitions.

1) Don't kill any insects esp flying moths.

2) The room where my grandfather used to reside before he got ill was covered with a thick layer of white powder and locked. No one, not even my grandmother must go in.

3) Earthly possessions which were of great significance to my late grandfather were removed gradually. It was hurting for the family to see them. Eg. The rocking chair, slippers etc.

Chinese people have a belief that the soul will remain in ethereal existence for "qi qi, si shi jiu tian"(seven seven, forty nine days in chinese) before they depart for the other world.

We had to adhere to strict regulations and carry ourselves in appropriate fashion during this period. Things like swearing, crying, complaining were not allowed at all times. This 49 days (is it from the day of passing or from the day the funeral ended?) was in actual fact, a period for us to tide over the harsh times and hopefully adapt to life without him at our side.

Everything went on as normal.

My brother and I went to school. Everyone reported for work as usual.

I think it was about a few days to a week before i started noticing that weird things were going on. In fact, everyone became aware. They had to.

One night, when everyone was sleeping, my grandmother had a dream about my grandfather at the doorstep. She woke up, came out of her room and saw something hovering above her. It was really pitch dark but she could make out a moving entity flying around in circles under cover of the dim moonlight.

She switched on the light on the 2nd floor. It was a bat! It was agitated by the sudden illumination of the place. My grandma shrieked and everyone awoke and rushed out of their rooms. Even those who were downstairs.

We stared at the creature for almost eternity until we decided to leave it alone. But i doubt anyone had much of a sleep that night. I for one was scared i tell you. I was worried that it would attack me when i had to walk down the flight of stairs to get ready for school. It might seem small perched upside down on the ceiling.. but when it flaps its wings it looks really intimidating man.

The bat wasn't hostile after all. It would stay almost perfectly still thoughout most of the day. When night arrived, it would be extremely active but never in any way interfered in our movements around the house.

"Could it be my g.."

I don't know.

This went on for a few nights until we came to a consensus. That we would chase it away. This cannot go in for eternity.

So, on that particular night, my granny took a long bamboo pole and poked it gently. It immediately responded by flying at unbelievable speeds around the enclosed ceiling. After almost half an hour, it finally conceded and flew out of the 1st storey window.

My grandmother sobbed a little.

The next few days were uneventful. Then something mysterious happened again.

Only this time, it wasn't a bat but a freaking huge moth!

I was just gingerly making my way down the steps. It is really dark during dawn. And there it was! About the size of the national geographic magazine. I kind of yelped and ran down the stairs, skipping a few steps at a time, something which i was really adept at after all these years of living there.

When the moth appeared, i became increasingly conscious of slight movements whenever i make my way downstairs. The sudden gush of wind. The notebook flipping by itself beside the phone. All these would startle me.

Then i saw it.

It was a bright yellow light. Sometimes red. It looked like a lantern from upstairs. Located at the top edge of the main gate, separated by a translucent glass window. I was very intrigued. I couldn't take my eyes off it.

When i reached downstairs, it was gone. The "lighted lantern" that was so distinct vanished.

After a few "experiments" over the next few mornings that i was able to come to a conclusion. The "lantern" would be "gone" every single time just as i regained sight of the top edge corner of the gate after passing the short stretch of wall which would block my view of it momentarily as i made my way downstairs.

"Queer."

The huge moth was seen only once. After that sighting, it went away the exact same day i witnessed it.

Then again. Something out of the ordinary appeared.

I came back from school one afternoon and something brushed across my face. In reflex action, my hands waved it away. It settled on a wall beside me.

It was a butterfly or moth i couldn't make out the type then. Its body was dirty brown. It was so unlike the butterflies you see in textbooks and encyclopedias. The wings were kind of distorted in shape.. like a deformed butterfly. It looked weird.. injured.

This buttefly was around during the last week of the "49 days". Then it just disappeared.

The last confirmed sighting by my very own eyes were at the wall outside the locked room with powder sprinkled all over.

The time came when it was time to open the door. My grandma opened it. She was shell-shocked. Right in front of her were a series of footsteps which looked as if someone ransacked the place. It was no doubt that of a human. The footsteps were in all directions, in every nook and cranny of the room.. even under the bed as we later found out.

My granny waited for my uncles and auntie before she dared to investigate further. She locked it again and kept the key by her side.

When everyone was present, my granny reopened the room.

It looked like a mess of indecisiveness thrown about the room, picture someone searching for a misplaced item.

Nothing was touched or shifted out of position. At least it seemed so. It was tidy and in order just as it was before the doors clanged shut. Except for the footprints of course.

~~~~~~

Scary huh.

I shall write about my other experiences another time.. regarding the supernatural.

Don't leave home without them.

2005-07-07T05:18:00.000-07:00

1) Saliva - Rest In Pieces, Disease
2) Papa Roach - Between Angels & Insects, Listening, Take Me, Getting Away With Murder
3) Genitorturers - I Touch Myself
4) Static-X - The Only
5) Deftones - Be Quiet & Drive
6) Chiasm - Fight, Liquefy
7) Korn - Falling Away From Me

Can't wait for school to start.

Will start writing a ghost story now.

Foodie food food.

2005-07-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

I may be fastidious when it comes to food but..

I LOVE beef.

Cooked in any way.. be it in dao yu(dark soya sauce), sizzling medium rare or well-done steak, the aromatic beef of spaghetti bolognaise.. down to the beef patties in Mac's double-cheeseburgers.

Today i ta pao-ed(takeaway) a packet of beef rendang from Pasir ris White Sands from the 4th level food court for a late dinner before heading home.

I emptied the packet of my precious into a bowl and squeezed every last drop out of the piece of translucent plastic.

It was over in a matter of minutes. To be precise.. several big gulps of rice mixed with fragrant rendang was all it took. I wolfed down whatever was left in the bowl, gravy and all, even though my pathetic portion of rice was already churning into carbohydrates in my satisfied stomach.

*looks down at belly*

"you like it right!"

BURP.

wah damn shiok.

I'll just make a little list of delicious cheapo foods since i'm here.

It might be a little oily for your liking.

It might be a little high in cholesterol for you liking.

It might be a little exotic for your liking.

It might be a little low-class for your liking.

It might be a little too aggravating for your tastebuds.

In no order of preference:

1) The One & Only beef kuay teow in Geylang lorong 9!!! Number 1! No Fight!

2) tao huay. Favourite is the one located at Geylang but anywhere will do. Melts in your mouth.

3) nasi lemak from Changi Village! A cheapo $2.50 can buy 15 minutes of happiness.

4) Pork porridge from Bedok! Near block 85. This is the tastiest porridge ever.

5) chai tao kuay (carrot cake) + extra black soya sauce + egg. Also Bedok! I grew up in Bedok ya know :)

6) wan tan mee from Joo Chiat! Noodles are home made leh.

7) mutabak (Chicken/beef) from Jalan Kayu! Its Jalan Kayu you know. This + a big cup of dinosaur (iced milo w undissolved milo powder on top) can make me forget my name.

8) laksa from Katong! Besides curry, this is the only food that i adore with coconut milk.

9) Fruit tarts from Delifrance! This is damn good for an after-dinner-snack.

10) Claypot rice from Joo Chiat! Please don't take more than your share people!

11) Duck rice from Joo Chiat! The gravy will drive you crazy.

12) $4 Chicken rice from Katong Shopping Centre! May seem steep for a plate of ordinary chicken rice but it comes with a "soup of the day(Chinese style)" and a-cha(assorted pickles). Generous with the meat too.

13) mian jian kweh from Geylang lorong 17. The crunchy peanuts and soft outer pastry.. Help!

14) D-24 or ang-ba type(those durians with really small seeds and the flesh is almost golden). But please at least try to avoid people tomorrow =)

15) My grandmother's curry. Only during Chinese New Year! Limited supply liao then the uncle auntie still ta-pao home!? Actually i also la.

Granny's curry

Wahahaha.

So there you have it.

Board game cafe?

2005-07-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

You heard that right.

When someone told me about this, i exclaimed loudly like a young boy saying "PAPA BUY FOR ME LEGO LEH!"

only i went "WHERE GOT SUCH THING? (CRAP)"

k lah i was wrong.. singapore really got.. I went to this cafe called "Settlers" which is near Clarke Quay Mrt.

Oh one more thing. How to pronounce Clarke Quay?

Is it pronounced "Clarke key" or "Clarke gweh"?

Coincidentally, "gweh" means "chicken" you know. Everytime people gweh here gweh there, i think of those geylang gweh. Its spontaneous.. maybe bcoz i know people who really scrap the bottom of the dirty barrel..

Anyway back to the topic, i was really critical of this relatively new business in singapore.

I was thinking to myself:

1) Bunch of youngsters playing board games a bit no life right?

2) Must PAY? lol. yeah i know i know but how much?

3) KNN FUN MEH? I rather sleep or go ktv and waste money.

Nevertheless, i agreed to go just once. If its (terrible + horrible = incorrigible) like what i imagined it to be, i'm gonna go berserk for wasting money which could be spent elsewhere on other forms of entertainment.

ok. sit down. play. play. play. drink. play. play. play. drink. refill. go toilet. play. play. play. drink. play. play. play. drink. refill. go toilet. pay $.

The bill was still ok around $8-10 for 4 hours i think. But don't take my word for it, i'm quite bad at numbers :)

Honestly. It was quite fun while it lasted. BUT for certain games ONLY.

Games available:

1) Kao peh kao bu (cry father cry mother? correct right?) games.

Eg. I'm the Boss! What a god damn stupid game. You argue with 3 other players for 20min only to find out that the fifth player "used a card" to revert the whole situation back to what it was.

Aiyo the worst game ever created.. second only to..

*think like crazy*

*think using Einstein's bigger human brain.* Its scientifically proven by the way. And he also uses a higher % of the brain somemore. No wonder he so smart right? :)

aiya.

can't think of any xia. It really is the smelliest piece of cow dung ever defecated by a New Zealand cow.

Oh which brings me to another quote by my buddy.

"niu si lan the niu gen sing jia puo the ren ko yi yang duo!"
(The no. of cows in New Zealand = no. of singaporean!)

Very very cham (pathetic) hor.

2) Lo so [yak yak yak non stop which finally reaches a conclusion when more than half already fell out of their chair and lao nua (salivate) ] games.

Eg. Betrayal at House on the Hill.

In this game, you are supposed to be in this really eerie mansion fighting spirits and whatnots depending on what card you draw. Then there will a story written on the card and you carry out whatever the card orders you to do.

You may think it sounds childish right? Walk here.. open room.. Ah! Big ugly FAT monster!!.. fight... win.. gain level.. rinse.. repeat..

Not really la. Its just the people i went with cannot appreciate true art like how they can't tolerate music above a certain decibel level.

The game is quite engaging.. i even went to ask the cashier how much would it cost for a new set.

She replied with a wide grin that extended from cheek to cheek. "$80!"

"wah lao eh. zun bo?!"
("my father eh. accurate or not?!")

If i buy i must be tam poh siao(a bit mad). I rather take the money and give to m1 for k750i Sony Ericsson phone.

In fact i'm getting it around mid July hehehe.

My dad wants my phone so i offered to upgrade and spare him my present sony ericsson T610. Upon hearing the deal i proposed, he just went "orh orh orh.. ok ok.. orh orh.. ok lor.".

Like my boss like that. Everytime i report sales i won't flinch one. Even if sales wasn't good. I'm so thick skinned. Last time a bee bit me in school, i went home then realised the bee died at my sleeve when i instinctively clutched at it.

Anyway, my boss will just nod like "pao pao pao cha doll" and go "orh orh.. ok ok.. orh orh.. ok lor."

haha.. like *** *** **** like that. (no translation for this one)

In case anyone think i materialistic, i am proud to announce that i have only used three phones ever since i got myself one. ie. Nokia 3310, 8250 and Sony Eric T610.

So friends please don't say things like "wah le eng zhua ji har"(wah print money har), "wah an neh gui, le siong le eng gim zhua buei si bo."(wah so expensive, you think you use hell money to buy izit.)

Oh and also those bo liao(answer until i get worked up) questions like "le buei lua zuei lui?"(you buy how much?), "to di lo buei eh?"(where you buy) etc etc.

Coz i don't entertain such remarks. I only want to hear compliments like "wah le ei hang phone sibei tok gong wor! jin jia swee leh. (wah your hand phone very tip-top huh. very beauuutiful leh.)

Arhh.. those type only ok.

3) Tidak Otak(i think it means no brain in malay) games.

Apparently singaporeans only like things which are not too complex and cheap.. cheap as in determined to exploit the most out of the resources available to buy the products with the heftiest prices.

Eg. Acquire(a game of hotel building), Monopoly(A game for the ancients)

4) Girls and guys play really different genres of games.

Girls dig games like plantation farming la, furnish the house la, cutesy animals running here and there with respect to the dice la..

Guys are the more naive and simple-minded when it comes to games.

"Which game can CRUSH, KILL, ANNIHILATE can already."

I actually heard that before. So don't be surprised.

Excerpt of a conversation between me and a friend:

Friend:

"where got fun?! always what mission mission.. destroy base.. use bomb.. spy here.. spy there.. build this.. build that.. bom bom bom!"

Me:

"hehehe.. still better than "The Sims" leh.

Havent played those games for eons. Those were the careless days.

5) Gothic themed games. Or fantasy also can.

Like you know, you're the vampire and you try to scare the shit out of everyones' ass by baring your fangs and flickering your sharp ruby red fingernails at them when you land on the same square as the human?

Being able to kick someone's ass is fun and not just winning the god damn stupid game.

~~~

Long story cut short..

After 2 donations to the settlers cafe..

I've decided to quarantine myself away from that area. Permanently.

Super bored by it already.

Jarred

2005-07-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

A guy was jarred badly at work yesterday. Young that he was, he didn't respond well to sarcasm. He allowed the frustration to build up to critical and finally the volcano exploded.

So in order to contain and protect his dignity, his attitude changed. He became abusive in his words and would try his utmost best to fit in with the rest by not being himself. Even the lowest in hierachy chided him for something trivial. His self esteem was really crushed. He couldn't take it and lamented non-stop.

The enthusiasm..

The innocence..

The boy i met on his first day.. was gone.

Thoughts

2005-07-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

Today, i helped to clinch a sale for my colleague. He was happy and so was i.

It felt good.

Today, i saw a doting mother and father on the subway. Every 5-10 seconds, they would stroke the infant's hair, whisper softly to his ears describing sights, plant little butterfly kisses on his forehead and cheeks and the dad would carry him and rock him gently from side to side.

I was very touched by the warmth in the family.. captivated by what i witnessed.

Funny.. its only now that i come to notice such things even though it seems to happen on a daily basis in public.

Then i was thinking about the son growing up to be an adult.. and how the parents would be there to support their beloved son in times of need. In times of crisis, would they gladly put their lives on the line just so that he alone could survive?

Life is really not complete without a family.

Please treasure your family everyone..

coz only your loved ones esp your parents would lay down on the traffic for you.

I need to work hard to secure my own future..

coz when you think back about what your parents provided for you..

you would realise the price tag is missing..

I love my parents for what they have done and have given me.

I have no complaints whatsoever..

"You hear me Mum and Dad?"

Struggle

2005-07-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

That is life.

They say money can't buy happiness but it certainly is the source of unhappiness for people around me.

I've always envisioned success in the many tangible forms. I'm more inclined towards the idea of owning private bungalows than fast cars.

Then again.

I'm also quite traditional in a way. Without a family of my own, life will be blank.. smudge-less in a masterpiece of black and white.

I am impressed by some people i read about or met in my social circle.

Can you do a separation of a twin joined at the limbs?

Can you enunciate and make intelligent conversations?

Can you make a people laugh heartily?

Are you discerning enough towards gossip and not be entwined in the forked tongues? Even if you're at a young age of 18?

Are you so materialistic that you are willing to spend thousands of dollars on a phone which will be outdated and deemed obsolete in a span of maybe a year?

Even the most minor of actions, such as folding your little jacket neatly before you tuck them into the drawer, instead of just chucking them in, shows something..

And to the person sashaying in my mind right now..

This is another quote that I've seen before.

I don't wanna wake up and I'll be 50.

Can we move it along? Lets STRIVE.

Short and Sweet

2005-06-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

1) The "phhh" sound.

Strange. Why must a person grab another's attention by doing that stupid "phhh" sound??? I know he/she is a friend and you are hoping for him/her to make eye contact.. but why why why must you do that stupid squeezing mouth action and not just resort to calling out the name of the person???

2) The University letters

I came back today and saw a letter on my desk. It was a letter from NTU. Here it is.

We refer to your appeal for admission to the Psychology course at Nanyang Technological University.

We appreciate the time and effort you have taken to apply to us and your wish to attain a place in our university. Your application has been thoroughly reviewed by the University Admission Selection Committee but we regret to inform you that we cannot accede to your appeal for admission to the Psychology course in NTU.

In selecting candidates for admission, the University Admission Selection Committee takes into consideration various factors such as GCE 'A' level results, Co-curricular activites and Project Work. For candidates who have submitted the SAT I scores, the University had assessed them based on the higher of the two scores - one with SAT I and the other without SAT I. Each application we receive has its merits and we would like to assure you that the University Admission Selection Committee had considered your application to the fullest extent.

Thank you for showing interest in our University and we wish you success in your future endeavours.

Doesn't matter anymore.

3) I think I'm gonna die young.

Just a gut feeling. Think i gotta do something about it soon.

4) Relationship with dad.

In the past week, we chatted more than what we did in the last 6 months.

We bonded and i hope it will last. I want more of that.

~~~

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
You want to smile but have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but don't you quit
Success is failure turned inside out the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
its when things go wrong that you must not quit

After all these years

2005-06-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

I still find christians weird.

Is there no one in this world that can prove me wrong?

They have this ego about themselves they can't seem to realise and let go.

I've always found free thinkers more suited towards my personality.

Will I ever meet one that I'll respect and be my role model?

Tribute to Beyond.

2005-06-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone reading this has heard of this 1990s Hongkong rock band "Beyond". Their cantonese music was at its prime during the early 1990s.

That was before the lead singer Wong Ka Kui died in a stage accident. This is the only cantonese band ever to captivate me with their music. I was around 16 when i first heard their songs on the radio. They were already disbanded by that time i think.

Every now and then, I search for their songs in my mp3 database and start listening to them all over again. Their hard-rocking style and overtly political Iyrics set them apart from the usual cantonese idol fare.

Everytime i hear the song "Hai Kuo Tian Kong", arguably my favourite of the hits, I get all sentimental. Esp the live version.

That was their finale song during their last concert together in Hongkong(without the late Ka Kui). Choking with tears throughout, they finished the song that gave them immortality.

IF The Beatles, Rolling Stones and Aerosmith are regarded as one of the pioneers of english rock'n'roll.

I must say that Beyond is the father of all canto rock.

~~~

Music is just so everlasting and endearing.

That is why i love it so much.

I'll always admire the band for its breakthrough in the asian music scene and it already has secured a place in my heart reserved for music.

It's only right.

Filed under S. For Stupidity.

2005-06-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

In the sales line, one has to be polite and react timely under all circumstances.

Rules #:

1) One cannot be rude.

2) One cannot be impatient.

3) One cannot resort to violence.

Funny thing is today i saw all three.

I shall save rule no.1 for last since it happened to me directly.

Who broke rule no.2?

Indian guy sells fans. Middle aged tomboy sells kitchen appliances. Tomboy tests a rice cooker. Indian throttles over at full speed and plugs out her rice cooker three pin plug before she could finish her testing demonstration for her customer. Indian inserts his own three pin plug for the fan for his own demonstration to another customer.

Tomboy's mouth goes into a epileptic fit. Then comes the indefinite facial distortions which keeps you in suspense of whether it will be a tell-tale sign of crying or rage. But being the butch.. tomboy that she was, all i heard was "OEI! CB!".

Tomboy: "I talking to customer you come interrupt!"

Indian: "eh relac la."

Tomboy: "GO TO HELL."

Then to top it all off, tomboy walks past me twice and couldn't resist the urge to curse and swear in my presence. I think tomboy just wanted to vent her frustration and tell me indirectly that shes pissed skyhigh.

Humans.. so uglyyy..

Who broke rule no.3?

Middle aged Malay is sick of his job selling air coolers and humidifiers. 17 year old Chinese boy stares into space 95% of the time while waiting for customers to approach him for help. Malay likes to disturb Chinese whenever he has the time.. which is all the time. Chinese hits boiling point eventually. Insults intensified into pushes, pushes escalated into slaps. Drama reaches climax. Chinese drags Malay out of the store and up onto the top floor.

After what seems like eternity, just before i died of anticipation, they returned together looking unmolested. Chinese's arms looked like the barbecued chicken wing i had for lunch. Were they punching or pinching i wonder. Sherlock Holmes aka limpeh realised they restrained each other by interlocking arms, Chinese waited for the initial punch which never came before he retaliate.

Humans.. so uglyyy..

Lesson to be learnt:

To err is human, but between monsters, its best to leave them be.

Who broke Rule no.1?

Limpeh sells vaccum and steamers. Ah ma wants to buy washing machine. Ah ma taps like Sadako from behind. Limpeh turn around and offer himself to Her Majesty's services.

Ah ma: Cho Chee Bai.. lua zuei lui(Chao chee bye.. how much?)

Limpeh kenna stone cold stunner.

Limpeh realises he misinterpreted Ah ma only after he saw what Ah ma was pointing at.

"Auntie.. zi ei TO-SHI-BA si gor ba gao zap buei kor."

("Auntie.. this Toshiba is $598")

Apparently Ah ma didn't know which price to look at, the one with GST or w/o.

Limpeh lucky. Almost broke rule no 1..

Next time Limpeh avoid other section he not involved.

Next time Limpeh see Ah ma-s will hide somewhere else like a maggot using survival instincts.

one corner.. don't want trouble.. end the day in one piece happy liao..

Chauffeur

2005-06-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

I hate being a chauffeur for others.

But flattery got the best of me.

Gory murder.

2005-06-21T04:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone heard about the recent dismemberment case.

Anyone knows how i can get to him.

I just need 1 minute with this guy. And that guy who is accused of killing the little chinese girl too.

Gosh. It infuriates me to no end when i read cases like these.

Put me in a room alone with these two fucks.

Just 1 fucking minute.

Infused with Australian flavour

2005-06-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

I have this friend who has studied in Aussie ever since secondary school. Now hes back in Singapore studying at Monash University.

Oooh la la. Is very the ex. I personally took a trip down to Capitol Centre after work to grab brochures. After being hypnotised by the "$40,000" tuition fee, i had to slap myself silly before the giggling manager, who couldn't help but chuckle at my exasperated expression.

That was 2 weeks ago i think.

Since my university status have more or less stabilised, all that is left now is the administration part.

woops.

I think i'm starting to get lo so.

As i was saying..

This aussie friend, who is one of my fellow hardcore party animals, has been lacquered all over many times by australian margarine.

Its real easy to spot such people you know :)

1) The words "yo" and "mate" are often abused in sentences.

2) Prefers pizza/pasta over chicken rice. Except for dim sum which still makes them go ga-ga.

3) The absence of chinese and/or singlish. I once tried to coerce him into saying "knnbccb". He spoke russian instead. I think.

4) Extensive knowledge of cocktails/alcoholics. I used to joke that aussies daily activities were eating, sleeping, smoking, clubbing and having sex. Heh. Actually i still do think that way.

5) Uninhibited mentality. Hell, you should see these people dance. Like seductive vampires in a Wes Craven movie. You can't help but follow suit in all its allure.

6) Anti depressant drug. They're like the ultimate form of stress relief. Hangovers are bad but its worth it. They don't allow themselves to be bogged down for too long a period.

7) Generally more funky and hip. I mean com'on.. how often do you praise a local commoner about their dress sense.. not many will sport studs and rings. But i dislike piercing though. Ouch. Esp nipples, belly buttons and so on.

8) Adventurous attitude. When i'm with them, i can venture into unknown territory without feeling much constraint. "Jing zhu ze chi, jing mo zhe hei"(you wallow in mud, you come out dirty no matter what). I could practically scour the whole of orchard road on foot coz it will just be a hellova time just chillin' with them.

Can you imagine flicking cigarette ash down from the top of a building along Orchard Road onto the crowds during countdowns?

Days ago, "chiongster with innate aussie genes" radioed for backup at Sentosa.

I was clearing old messages away till i came across this S.O.S.

Hey man wana go sentosa tonite for ibiza party four ibiza clubs will be there at tanjong beach with original stage designs and all genres of music frm trance to house all nite until 6 am tomorrow tickets at 20 plus drink at tanjong beach cmon dwn mate :]

Hardcore dancing like no tomorrow man :)

Rumination

2005-06-19T07:12:00.000-07:00

Lying perfectly still on my bed, a pillow resting almost effortlessly on my chest. Encapsulated in my own room, both physically and mentally. Recollection.

Virtual vividness, compartmentalised in your mind.

My eyelids gently close and the feeling of serenity sets in. It engulfs my mind momentarily. I am in touch with my inner self.

Tranquility. Right in your very room, amidst your restless dreams.

In a gentle fluid motion, my fingers meet and clasp loosely over the smooth fabric.

Silky to the touch.

Tilting my head forward slightly, i take a prolonged sniff off the edge, taking in odoriferous smells of shampoo and hair.

The familiarity. The same. Day in day out.

My fingers inch their way up the imaginary ladder underneath my table. Almost involuntarily.

In all darkness cept the glare of the monitor, nothing stirred.

I found the mouse.

Rickety click click.

It goes off.

Every stanza forming ongoing, seemingly endless chains of strung chinese. The chorus echoing in my ears, casting a spell on my delicate lips as it amplifies.

Repeatedly.

I drift away like a husk heading out to unknown shores.

My destination. All in due time.

Silence is deafening.

As i fall into oblivion.

I welcomed it.

伍佰 - 牽掛

August

2005-06-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

I will be starting my course of Arts & Social Science at NUS.

My initial plan was to study Business Management at SIM but since a place in NUS is graciously offered to me after my appeal..

I'll gladly take it.

Next up i gotta complete certain tasks..

1) Matriculation
2) Health Screening
3) OAM Form
4) Online confirmation
5) Decide whether to take up hostel

The day i received the letter...

My friend and I were chatting at my house when my Dad handed me a package. I took a peep through the plastic covering over my printed name. That was when I saw the word.

"Congratulations"

That was when i was all elated inside.

Externally, my appearance gave no hint of surprise nor jubilation.

It was just so unexpected.

Previously, i underwent what i dubbed as the "triple shock syndrome" when i received triple rejections in two days.

I lost weight during that period. I stopped jogging.

Ever felt the feeling of lostlessness?

Symptoms:

1) Numb stagnant motivation to work. Zombified.

2) Prone to mood swings.

3) Mild insomnia.

4) Cigarette abuse.

5) Loss of appetite.

6) Any time alone savoured much more than before.

2 weeks.

Remedy?

Convinced myself grass is greener on other pastures by doing my own little "research".

Music and earnest encouragement from everyone close to me.

Told ya. I can't live without music ^_^

This is my letter of appeal, don't vomit k..

First and foremost, the field of psychology has always fascinated and influenced me in a way no other studies had previously done. I aspire to be a criminologist or a social worker who deals with juveniles. This can be attributed to two reasons. Firstly, I exhibit a type of personality that likes the intellectual challenge of understanding and deciphering deviations from patterns. Secondly, I derive satisfaction, confidence and joy at the same time when I connect to another person and successfully alleviate their convoluted problems. Experiences I faced in the past have only reinforced my resolution in achieving my goal.

Also, the National University of Singapore is reputable in the region and would most certainly prove to be a culminating educational milestone for my future career pursuit and advancement.

Lastly, my family cannot possibly afford a costly overseas education. Compounded by the fact that my two younger siblings are still in secondary school, they will definitely need that extra revenue for their future education and hence my decision of not enrolling in an overseas university for my degree.

I hereby sincerely hope that the National University of Singapore would consider my appeal to the Arts faculty and grant me the opportunity to prove myself and my worth to society.

Yours Sincerely,

I wrote this before in an entry in March and I wish to quote it again.

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And good things never dies"

Rarity

2005-06-15T18:54:00.000-07:00

You can almost never catch me in front of the tv watching local channels. Chances are that if you do see me stoning in front with my left hand holding a plate up high and right arm outstretched holding the remote control, i'm watching dvds which my malaysian uncle graciously delivered to my house downstairs. Btw, i got many uncles in malaysia. Some ride motorcycles some come in malaysia registered motorcars whose licence plates starts with J.

But they all have have a similar trait in them. They are always shabbily dressed and talk so bloody fast.. as if they won't see me ever again. Actually quite true la. I only meet my uncles for 5 minutes. Within that 5 minutes, certain things are bound to happen.

1) He needs to borrow cash.

So? Give lor. My uncle what. Somemore he so kind bring me the movies that i haven't watch before.

2) Why he like to call me "Lao Ban (boss)"?

Wah lao uncle.. don't call me lao ban. Mei xiao mei da(no small no big) you know. Later huh you go back and remind my other uncle that came a few months ago not to repeat the same mistake k.

3) Handphone sure ring one.

Uncle #? :

hello?.. ahhh lao ban ah. dui dui dui.. yao dao le(correct x 3.. reaching already). blk ### bedok reservoir st # dui mah? ahhhhhh.. duo er shi wu fen zhong(25 minutes more).. ok.. ok.. wo dao le zai da gei ni hao ma(reach already i call you ok)? ok ok.. bye bye.

Me : wah uncle big family hor.

4) Split personality

After you lend my uncles $$$, their mood will change drastically without fail. They become impatient and practically forget about your presence and/or existence. They start acting cute with their heads tilted 90 degrees to their right, handphone sandwiched between shoulder and ear.. all the while fiddling in their trusty black pouch.

ha ha.. uncle.. nevermind la.. i know you borrow 92.50 nia.. the extra 2.50 from 95.00 you keep lor.. go back buy one ramli burger for yourself la.

5) Last 10 seconds remains unchanged.

Me : haha xie xie leh uncle. When you coming to visit me again?

Uncle #? : *Speeds off*

As you watch the back view of my uncle the hell rider slowly disappear from the scene, you can't help but feel a little sad your uncle might be gone for a long period of time and you risk not seeing him for maybe eternity.

At this point, your sadness will turn to self awareness.

"Did anybody see you lend money?"

Glancing furtively to your left and right, you casually make your way to your block. Btw, i always give my neighbour's block ### to my uncle in case he decides to take advantage of my generosity and think of me as ATM. Safeguard mah. Chinese all like that one. Kia ji ae kia hii ae(scared this scared that). Handphone number can change anyday one what.

Last but not least. The first thing you do when you reach home without getting waylaid is to make sure your uncle never cock up with his present. Skali the present is for his other next of kin.

Alamak. I off topic liao.

Actually hor, i wanted to talk about the Channel U variety show "Yuan Lai Jiu Shi Ni" that i watched. Was it yesterday? Doesn't matter anyway. My sole purpose for blogging today was supposed to flame this bloody cockster in the show one. Let lim peh tell you what happen if you didn't catch it.

Ok this show is about two hostesses from channel U going to various shopping centres and searching for single and eligible bachelors for this fussy pork.

I admit la. Quite entertaining this show. Very impressive for local media already. The fact that i can tahan the whole show without switching from channel to channel says something. But don't watch more than once.

During the last 15min segment, this hostess called "Zhong qin" went into a speactacle shop and eyed a lanky guy in glasses. She approached and after a barrage of questions. He was discovered to be single, available, his age of 29 fulfilled the bachelorette's and furthermore, he also met the criteria of being in a specialised profession. He is a trainee as a doctor in London. His looks is ok. Those steady, mature type that won't fold under pressure like origami.

But looks can be deceiving! Hell he like so pampered for his age!

When you are 29 my good sir, you don't call your mummy to ask for permission not to go back for dinner!!! The hostess very one-kind also. Called his mummy on his handy and ask whether he can don't go back for dinner tonight coz of his participation in this stupid but funny game. She also found out that the guy lied about having to reach home by 9pm but his beloved mummy wanted him to be back at 7pm and hopefully tuck him into bed by 9pm along with winnie..

the pooh.

Motherlove ah! MotherLOVE ahhh!!! *Tear my hair out*

Oh yah. Something really very corny about this show happened at the last part. 4 males were rounded up for interrogation by the 26 year old bachelorette. In turn, they are asked some really lame and ass-fuck questions. I only remember one. The rest long deleted from my brain's recycle bin.

Miss Bo liao :

So to contestant number 3.. Would you prefer a family car or a sports car?

Mr Bo liao : I would prefer a family car bcoz.. I can fetch my family everywhere they want. Got more room since the car would be more family orientated.

Me : I would take sports car.

Miss Bo liao : Wei she me ne?(Why is that so?)

Me : With a sports car i can..

1) Get a better ah lian.
2) Sell it and buy 2 family car instead.
3) I would absolutely love to blast my music along orchard road in a ferrari rather than a toyota.
4) You won't find me here making a fool of myself.

Oh i just remembered another ass fuck question being posed.

"Do you like manual or auto cars?"

Answer was "manual" but don't you think it was a super bo liao(boring, senseless) anti-rhetorical question???

Does it really have anything to do with the self introduction just becoz the bachelorette was involved in auto sales?

No i don't think so.

Finally, the lamest part ensued. The male contestants would come up one-by-one to her like buying toto from the cashier and ask bashfully "Yuan lai jiu shi wo ma?" ( "Am I the chosen one like Neo in The Matrix?")

The show really got on my nerves. That will teach me to watch local television.

I QUIT.

I GIVE UP.

I SURRENDER!

*Waves white underwear wildly*

Song of the week.

2005-06-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

I've been watching you from a distance
The distance sees through your disguise
All I want from you is your hurting
I want to heal you
I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself
Save you (save you)
I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

Get out of the way!

2005-06-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

When the Fat Lady Sings!

Wanna hear another story about MRTs?

I was heading for my weekday job..

Resting comfortably at the extreme corner. Blasting music till passengers' chatter became soundless mouth movements. Conscious of my destination throughout.

15min later..

A fat lady with a stiff upper lip approached me and spoke with a lisp.

"Young man, why you don't give your seat to the lady there with son at her side? You are strong enough!"

Reaches across to tap the lady's shoulder and asked her to take a seat at my place while i was still there plucking my earphones off.

The lady smiled and politely declined the offer from the fat lady. I stood and waved for the mother's attention and beckoned her to take my seat. She smiled again and from her hand signals, it was obvious she didn't wanted to budge from where she was standing. About 2-3 metres away.

By then, I was already out of my seat. The fat lady came back and said "She don't want to sit i sit." Then she slammed her fat ass down before the words "what the fuck?" appeared in my mind. I tried to suppress my anger and immediately thought of the heated quarrel the other day involving my friend and a hairdresser. I didn't want the day to be ruined just like what my friend experienced. A catfight almost escalated in tampines that day.

My anger subsided.

I turned my back on her. To my surprise, right in front of me were two of her auntie friends. Both of them didn't look up once. One of the friends was talking across to her. Thats how i found out.

One friend left. The remaining auntie in front called for the fat lady to sit beside her. At this point, i was like.. "what the fuck?". I had to face her again. Full view somemore. Ahhhh! No need to makan lunch liao la! Too grossed out.

She was telling her friend about some holiday package she came across while she was surfing.

"Err.. auntie.. you shouldn't risk going online.. later you snap the connection how?"

The friend left before her stop arrived. Sibei sian.

THEN hor, she approached at least 4-5 people(excluding me) to have a seat beside her. Was that supposed to spite me i wonder.

Guess what. No one took up the dare.

Want to hear a song? This is specially dedicated to the one with the lard-iest ass-et I have laid my eyes on in several months.

Use the "Puff Daddy - Every Step You Take" tune k?

Every step you take
Every move you make
Every single sway
Every time i suay
I'll be puking goo

Shocking.

2005-06-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

(i have since crawled out of the abyss. Was frustrated for 2 weeks. Hence, my body stimulates the glands to churn out the blogging juices once again)

About a week ago, i was on the mrt entertaining myself with my trusty samsung mp3 player. The usual after a day's work.

I was just minding my own business, staring into the glass as the houses whizzed by. I spotted a lady stealing glances at me throughout my 30min train ride from time to time. She would just "examine" me for like 5 seconds at a time and look away instantly when i caught her gaze. She was about 30 years old, just your average looking lady in informal wear.

It was at Tampines mrt station where she alighted. Just one stop away from mine. She got up from her seat, went to the gate and was one of the last few to step off the train. She made sure she was one of the last. You'll know why.

I'm sure everyone knows that trains have a short time span for closing, unless its Boon Lay or Pasir Ris. Well, the ding dong sounded and i was looking at that particular lady from the back.

Without any warning, she barged back into the mrt and handed me this purple-coloured piece of paper. She just sort of waved it in at my chest area and nodded her head in quick succession till
i accept.. her gift? Nonetheless, i didn't object or tried to in any way coz i could see that the train doors were closing any split second. She barely made it out i tell you.

I crumpled and shoved the thing into my sling bag.

Yes people. Please stare more.

On my walk home, i realised the paper was some christian church invitation with her number and name written on it.

It irritates me you know, when people like these just pop out of nowhere and approach you. Esp regarding this. And its not the first time already.

Previously about a few months ago, there was this caucasian that sat down beside me on the train(the carriage was empty btw) and tried to touch my stomach.

Yes. That was my very first impression of him. Gay.

Nah. He was actually offering his handshake. After the greetings, he went on to ask questions about my religion and gave me a whole bunch of leaflets, including his name card.

I threw them away as soon as i came close to a bin later on.

I should have followed a blogger's method. The cheeky method hahaha. This guy is a hilarious fiction blogger. He wrote that he tried unsuccessfully to milk out the greens from these missionaries by choosing a posh restaurant as a place for spiritual enhancement :)

Back from work

2005-06-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Let me breathe one deep breath first.

Ok. I remember myself saying hi to everyone i met.. walking into the office.. placing my stuff on the table.. slotting my punch card into the reader..

Then i went to NTUC to find green tea becoz i left my bottle at home. NTUC is like a maze i tell you. Beverages can be all around the place. Took me quite a while xia.

Then i stood motionless at my spot before deciding to go and slack downstairs for a fag.

Then i waited for 1pm to arrive coz thats when the younger punks around my age would report for work and we can entertain each other until 8pm :)

Then everybody started talking cock and gossip. Mostly about the 35 years old malay dude who is from the infamous "karcher" brand. That was the brand which caused an earlier guy i mentioned in a previous post to be reprimanded for being impolite to a customer. This new malay dude replacement(i call him dude becoz his mentality is that of a 16 year old.) arrived only two weeks before and he works 4.5 days a week full-time.

On the first day, I thought he was being friendly and so we chatted quite a bit about stuff like products we sold, previous jobs we took up etc. Btw hes married with two primary school kids.

So I didn't hesitate when he asked for a ciggy from me. Said he wanted to try the packaged ones again. He rolls his owns cigarettes. But as the day went past, i found it increasingly torturous to maintain chats with him, not to mention go lunch together. I mean.. this guy just became so irritating with all his relentless bull shit methods of persuasion and suck up. I remember ending the day heaving a sigh of relief coz finally i have some time away from this guy.

Then it came to today. Which is two weeks from that day. Last weekend i was busy so i cooked up a story for my boss. Sorry boss!

Anyway. The moment this guy showed up for work(he was late by an hour) i resigned to my fate and forced a smile at him. You know, all the usual pleasantries.

He has this habit of coming up to a person(he only approaches new staff... senior staff can't be bothered with him already after a few days of his non stop nonsense yakking) and crap out incoherent sentences and questions about personal sales, target, you help me i help you kind of shit.

Don't even want to bother trying to cough out things he says.

Then later in the day, he asks me for cigs again. I mean.. this is like the second time in 2 days?? So i lied. I said i only had 5 sticks left. So i refused him welfare.

Then it turned out that from then on, he was a little black-faced all throughout the day. Didn't communicate much with me since.

Then i noticed he took a lengthy lunch of 2 hours. Came back with his usual mindless chatter.

"What? Hope that people will overlook the fact you're skiving just becoz you're trying your utmost best at pretentiousness?"

Come on man. We are not kids. You are NOT a kid. No need for all that what. We are not the oscars you know. We got no trophy for your acting.

So since i kinda pissed him off by refusing to hand over a cigarette, he hardly spoke to me. Which was goooooood. I also avoided eye contact.

So when the clock struck 8.15pm, i was just about to "close shop" and finish work. Then he approached me and said:

"Wahh kenneth. I go out so long give you chance to sell you never sell any??? I see you like no mood everytime. When you talk to customers you must tell them bla bla bla.. make sure they buy bla bla bla... "

Then he was interrupted by a auntie behind.

"Err excuse me... help" the auntie went.

He swung around and spoke:

"Yes how can i help???"

Then the auntie very steady.

"I want to talk chinese.." (she not racist she just can't speak english well)

It was like an ecstatic shot of adrenaline being pumped through your veins, in retaliation to the anger that built up within me. I helped her.. a little more than willingly.

*grumble*

Now for some light heartedness that happened.

One lady promoter was telling us about her friday night out in partyworld ktv.

Peter, as usual, with his shaking of head and famous phrase "Wah zi er customer jin gang kor serve.. serve ka wa tao tia..". Haha his expression sibei funny one.

I keep teasing this poly guy about my replacement for last week. A pretty 20 year old from sim. He is smitten with her. Dont fake la!!! Knn! Want me to go Hougang point so she can come here permanent anot! hahaha.

4 guys gossiping during lunch feels goooood.

Is it me or is my workplace getting swarmed with pretty promoters after every passing week?

Learnt some new office essentials like printing of tags, checking of new stock etc.

Ok i shall end this blog entry with a true story today besides the one above about the childish joker.

I was lurking around my post when this woman came over and asked for this particular model for a desk fan. Panasonic fan. And she asked for available colours. Being a greenhorn at that, i told her i'll check for her at the store just to be sure. oh yeah. She asked also about the difference between panasonic and KDK brand. Which one was better she said.

"I mean.. what the heck.. how am i gonna answer this?"

So i said: "haha.. theres not much difference la.. just the country that it was made in and wind speed.. oh and price"

Steady bo. hahaha.

She decided to get a panasonic. I checked for colour. Woohoo. Best. No stock. What choosing colour is there huh.

So she settled for KDK. haha at this point a senior came over to help me thinking i got a difficult to please customer. Eddie.

So Eddie immediately asked whether she wanted to "zhuang" (assemble). Its his habit of doing that i dunno why. Normally, its just tie up and bring to cashier.

So when everything was assembled, i think her sister or someone came along and commented that the KDK fan was not "strong" enough. Within seconds, she gestured to Eddie and said in chinese "Na ge wo bu yao le, wo yao zhe ge." (that one i don't want already, i want this one)

haha.. Eddie stared at her with bloodshot eyes! Then as we sales people put it. LL lor! Lan Lan!
He retrieved the plastic bags from the bin and slowly dismantled everything and placed them in its original packaging. Then he took his time to assemble the other Mistral fan. Revenge huh! Eddie! hahaha.

Before all this, i also walk in and out of the store to check for her colour, available models several times also.

hmm..

Tomorrow working too. Must put on my mask towards that malay guy again. I think i might punch him :)

Funny conversation

2005-06-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

Only funny if you can speak or understand hokkien actually.

Sales Supervisor:

Gu zha wa uu zi ni bo zho gang leh. Wah, wa tad jit mm zai ai zho si mi, mm zai ke di lo wor.

(Last time i got one year never work leh. Wah, I didn't what to do everyday then, didn't know where to go also wor.)

Sales executive:

haha.. ke shopping centre je siao sales promoter lor.

(haha.. go shopping centre disturb sales promoter lor.)

Sales Supervisor:

mai siao la.. ann nei kuan ah.. ang moh kio.. *pause*.. "Pervert".

(dont crazy la.. like that ah.. in english we say.. *pause*.. "Pervert.")

All burst into laughter.

hahaha.. i suppose alot of people can't make heads or tails about it being funny..

Probably only if you were uncouth like me brought up in a family mixed up in hokkien, crammed up with english and spiced with chinese.

Or maybe it was just his action of sticking his head slightly forward and muttering the word "Pervert" in perfect english. What a contrast to him having hokkien as a 1st language!

haha.. forgive us.

We sales promoters sometimes really got no life :D

Worn out

2005-06-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

4.14am. Dead tired. Need shower.

Mood has risen since.

Will write more in later posts..

Total absence of inspiration to blog.. probably caused by recent events and endless work.

But something peculiar and funny happened this afternoon.

A stray dog tried to pick up a girl in front of me. Turned out the girl froze at the sight of it staring closely and wagging its tail. I intervened and wa-la! The dog tried to pick me up instead. So "shoo shoo shooo!" I went but it was adamant about trying to get a piece of me. Maybe he wanted to smoke my cigarette. I like dogs but never to the extent of actually owning one and the thought of incessant cleaning up of doggy poop never fails to make me drop the subject off my mind. Anyhow, I thought I'll have some fun with this cute doggy. So when it was pawing on my neatly pressed pants, I graciously pet.. patted it and asked "Why? Want to smoke huh? Nah take la take.." The dog, obvious at this point to be a not-so-intelligent mongrel or maybe just starved, tried in vain to sniff my raised dangling hand. It was over in seconds though, the little "game" that is. I thought i felt moisture on my fingers and it was kinda gross thinking that my fervent little friend made contact with my ciggy. So I initiated a break up of course. I took a few steps back, pushed him gently away. Yeah its a he. Got biiig cojones you know. It took me about 20 secs to calm him with my mumbling of dog-speak. The bus arrived in the nick of time and i stepped closer to the kerb. Goodness. He was next in line. It was freaking me out a little but luckily all that he wanted was to send me home by bus and not to my doorstep. But where was my goodbye hoochie woochie "woof" huh!

Fade out.

Many people have made me even more self-conscious about my complexion. "wahhh! you very dark hor!", "Wow. Why you so dark ah??" Its like asking "Hey why the sky is so high ah??" But of course in order to be courteous, one cannot say such rubbish back to the person unless its your pals we're talking about. So i had quite a number of responses ringing in my brain.

1) Oh! no la.. last time army mah.. i lifeguard.. i'm forced to bake myself at regular intervals throughout the day..

2) My melanin is more active than others. (I'm sure many will go "huh?")

3) Why? Cannot ah.. jealous right? (Not PR enough. Skali they mistake you for a snob haha..)

4) Wah! You should have seen me during training. People mistook me for a fellow indian trainee from the back. Strangers stared at me like the extreme opposite polarity of michael jackson strolling in the neighbourhood. Chicken rice uncle gave me more rice to "relieve" my suffering.
My mum almost got a heart attack and friends thought i just came back from war. Course mates in training used me as the reason why sunblock is useful. The list goes on.

No prizes for guessin though :)

Need to go for training tomorrow and i think its time for a cold bath.

My fingers are crossed in anticipation of tomorrow.

Moody.

2005-05-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

Terrible week ahead. Anticipation. Fear.

A friend whom i lost contact with many months ago told me he left university and is now working full time. We were on the same carriage. Gave me his number and told me to call if i needed a full time job.

I realised my brother had been reading my blog. This is unacceptable. I tried everything within my means to prevent him from knowing about my blog but failed. How did i find out? Well, he was mentioning words and terms that i wrote in my blog and it sort of puzzled me. I asked him directly and being the christian that he was, he can't lie about it. There is no two way about this. "Don't read" I said. He said "ok i'll respect your privacy.". Which i think he will. Coz hes a devout follower of his religion. But if he's still reading this, then... $%*@(#. I'm trying to be courteous in case you dont get the message.

I'm been doing alot of thinking lately. In the train, toilet, room, office, while working, pissing, smoking, drinking, movie watching even. And i still can't get the answer to my troubles. Theres this blurry outline which i see that leads to the root of my problems. I'm trying my best not to say this out loud but here it is. It is r****** that has been keeping me at bay. How i wish my family were f*** t*******. I love my parents, my siblings. At the same time, i hate some of the things they do. But one thing i'm grateful is their care for me although they may not know me well enough to understand me thoroughly. I don't think they know my needs and wants, they are doing what they think is the best for me and i appreciate that greatly. Just that i wish they look beyond my exterior and go heart-to-heart with me in conversations. But sadly this isn't the case.

I know what i want yet i can't do it. I know what i need yet i can't reach it.

I do envy others and i do pity others.

Hopefully things change for the better.

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Thinking of starting a business. Motive is to earn the big bucks. I'll start hammering my brain for ideas soon. Been reading a blog by a 29 year old. I like her for what she is. She dares to go all out and venture. Very interesting life she leads. Planning to read her archives soon.

Today i was making a trip down to city hall for some personal matters. Along the way, there was this lady who stopped me dead in my tracks, holding some stack of papers. She went "Can i have 3 mins of your time??? Just 3 mins!" I knew what was going on instantly and i declined, coming up with a hastily cooked up excuse of being late for an interview. Look of dejection. Funny why i did that coz i would be doing a job of this nature the very next day.

$40,000.

Seems like a lifetime's worth of money to me. Lets assume i earn 1,500 a month. That would take me.. ... 26.67 months to earn it back. Now thats some statistic for you.

I envy rich people. I really do. I don't deny that. They can do many things in life without lifting all five of their fingers. In fact i believe, being sculpted with a silver spoon is so god damn lucky, your life was blessed even before it started. When you buy something, all you do is sign. When you need help in school, all you need is endless tuition. When you need transport, either make a call or you drive in your own car. When you need pocket money, all you need is to ask. When you need entertainment, your fat wallet is there in your pocket. When you need clothes, all you have to do is buy. Bah. I can go on for hours.

Next time when i have kids of my own, then maybe i'll know what i'll say to them.

Words

2005-05-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

You tried so hard to be someone that you forgot who you are.

You tried to fill some emptiness till all you had spilled over.

When it's hard to be yourself its not to be someone else.

Now everything's so far away, that you don't know where you are.

Shell

2005-05-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

I need some time alone tonight.

Its time my friend.

2005-05-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

Open up and be on the receiving end.

You are on the brink of depravity.

You cannot go on like this.

I do not want to see you like this.

I have known you for years.

Please get your priorities straight.

What are you afraid of?

Its already been so long.

Just let it go my friend.

I can only hope.

Why oh why.

Isn't 6 years enough to get over it?

Its time to move on.

I have already told you.

I can lend you my ears.

Just pour your woes out and share.

You are losing it.

Stop the denial.

I implore you.

What a fiasco. Longest post to date.

2005-05-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

First things first, the day didn't start smooth =)

I was on the mrt and one lady said music was a little too loud and it was affecting her sleep. Honestly, it sounded only like mice scratching my front door to outsiders but its very very tolerable(in fact the handphones beep were making much more noises), but no problem man. I lowered the volume a few notches and said "Im sorry". She gave a smile and said: "Its ok."

Reaching my destination, i had little trouble with the place coz i had done my mapping homework. Then I felt it. One, i was developing what i dubbed the "Morning induced stomach pains". I needed a toilet fast! Two, the sun suddenly intensified and i sweated profusely, making unsightly marks on my reddish brown well-ironed shirt of mine. I rushed up 4 storeys in quick succession after each floor and saw this rather amicable-looking malay lady with a tudong over her head. I hope its called that :) I approached her asking for the loo. initially, she refused me entry into the office's room of relief. Time to take out the trump card baby. So i interrupted her rather abruptly before she could finish her last words. Haha.. i make it sound like shes dying.

"Actually I have an interview at 8.15am with the HR head, Ivy Low, so if you would kindly..."

Before i finished, she snapped back "Oh i see i see i see i see! In that case I'll open it for you.. come come.." "Ivy Low don't arrive so early one la. maybe around 8.30. Later you wait here outside for her.." "You have to talk to the receptionist first then he'll call her. Oh yeah, you filled the form yet? You can take the form from here first"

*proceeds to fish out a piece of green paper from under the shelf*

"Yeah, this one ah you fill in first. You got pen right?" "You wait a while ok, the guy should be coming soon already.." "Come i show you wheres the office toilet.."

*motions for me to come over while she fidget in her handbag for her card*

Imaginary scenario:

"Err lady.. its ok i can just do business here. Toddler style."

*Unzips pants and with one swift motion, bring down my well-ironed pants to my ankles and squats*

Soooo LO SO.

Realistic scenario:

"Thank you. *Subtle pause* Very much."

Miss Ivy Low reported for work at 8.45am. Great.

After a brief introduction, She pointed a room for me to "stone" while I await the people at the construction site to come deliver me over. Yes, it sounds like I'm a package I know. But thats what she said to me. And if you're wondering why, i applied for an admin job at an Engineering company. So on previous days, i was fiddling around with Microsoft Word and Excel before i went to wonderland.

The burmese(some country nationality) guy called Lenzo came over in Polo-T and tattered jeans. First thing that stroke me about this guy was that he spoke English fluently with a hint of singaporean singlish in his accent.

In the van, he began asking personal stuff about myself like:

1) How long you working here?

Reply: "About 2 months before i further my studies in the university"

2) "Later I introduce you to Mr Low, then I think he will tell you what to do lah."

Reply: "Yeah ok sure"

3) "Wah why 2 months before start school still come to work?? Relax lah."

Reply: "No laa.. I relax enough already haha"

4) "So you studying what in this university?"

Reply: "Arts or engineering i guess"

5) "So.. this your first job ah?"

"Nah, before this i was in sales mostly for the past months"

Other guy asks: "Oh. What type?"

"Bla bla bla."

Reached the worksite.

Oooh. Dirty, messy with my favourite workers lurking around.

I just want to clarify its ok working in a construction site but wait..

I met the boss.

He indicated the location of the makeshift toilet, living and working container quarters, the main office and introduced me to the rest of the group.

"a-ok"

Then i came to my office.

Blank with panels of wooden planks. Air con, which needed a vicious jolt to its side for it to function. A plastic chair violated by sandy footprints. Table with screws all over the laminated surface. It resembled a vacant jail cell without bars.

"a-ok"

The boss seemed ambivalent about my job here in the site, considering i had no technical skills in this area.

So with nothing much for me to do at the moment(Why was i employed again?), so he went ransacking room after room and finally to a halt at some boxes of equipment.

"Hmm. For starters, maybe you could move those electrical components over to the container there. I will set up the equipment later in that room. If you want, you can clean that room first before you move the stuff over. Those big one you leave first, give me a call, I see what i can do lah(Are you sure you can/will help?).

"no a-ok anymore"

I told him i hadn't expected a job scope like that. Not in my wildest dreams. And that was why i was dressed formally. Hes a nice person really, i don't want that to be a mistaken about him. He explained saying there was not much i could do here actually and admin has enough manpower already. I told him i was posted here for that purpose.

He seemed to suffer a mild stroke. Twitching and all.

"Errm. I will find out for you.. but you do this things first lah.. I see got any other things or not."

I took a mop, a bucket which was already filled with clear tap water. Didn't bother about the soap. Went back to the cosy container.

I mopped the whole area clean after sweeping it briskly.

Then as i waited for it to dry before I start thinking of what my next assignment would be.

Door opened. Two burly foreign workers came in with their drills, saws and whatnots. They didn't really question or look in my direction. Maybe i looked like some authoritative figure in long-sleeves.

That was the last straw.

I marched up to the main office and asked the boss to get his ass out in a polite tone.

"Sorry, but i believe this cannot do. I do not possess the technical skills for your construction work here and i firmly believe i did not sign up for a job as a odd-job labourer. I will call her now. Miss Ivy Low. This will be my last day(minute actually)."

To which he replied by saying he understood and all. Didn't object to my phone call one bit. Then he said things like"In life you have to learn slowly and if you want to learn you should go to a school not here." Prior to this, i mentioned my aim for these two months before starting my studies is to learn something new and hopefully achieve a more in-depth knowledge of the corporate world and politics. He was very courteous throughout and I appreciated it.

I made the call.

Miss Ivy Low on the other hand, wasn't that much of a conversationalist. She was a tad impatient and sounded rather grumpy. She almost hung up after blurting out a "I'll get back to you later ok?" To which i retorted, "No. You gotta talk to me here. Now." My words exactly.

She sort of sensed my hostility there and then so she asked "Ok, is there anything?" I reiterated whatever i said in the past few minutes.

"Ok then i guess you can go."

"Thank you. Bye."

The boss was standing at the other corner of the aisle. I returned him the key and told him the outcome and he agreed, nodding in acknowledgement and understanding.

"Anyway, its been really nice to meet you. You are Mr Low right?" I smiled slightly.

"Oh no no.. I'm Mr Tan. (Now now now.. Have we seen everything?) Nice to meet you too and I'm sorry i can't do much to help you."

"Its alright and i hope you understand my predicament. I do not wish to work here and linger about for 2 months. I won't learn much in 2 months. Hardware wise or not."

"I understand." *Third handshake in the past 2 minutes*

I went for a smoke.

On my way out he stopped me in my tracks and offered a lift.

During the short journey, he was lamenting about the hardships of life and work. He also thought i shouldn't continue this job too. The thought was mutual. Then he told me this story about a CEO of some "A****" company who switched to selling "Soon Kweh" despite drawing a monthly 10,000+ salary. Now hes earning much more. I was rather dazed by all the events and didn't really comment much. He also pointed out that his daughters, one in NTU material engineering, the other in poly after doing badly for A levels. Then he criticised the work choices in the country, national service(mainly the duration of it) and the education system, saying he preferred guys to go poly rather than jc unless they are certain to score well. For girls, he didn't object openly probably due to the fact that girls need not "waste" two years in you-know-what.

Before i left his car, I smiled and said, "maybe we'll meet again take care." He replied with a apologetic grin, "You take care too. Bye."

What a fiasco huh?

Well its back to job hunting. Maybe full time sales I don't know.

I'll just put my money back on the table and see what kind of cards i get.

Edgy

2005-05-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow start of my second job.. I'm getting all jittery..

What should i expect? I really have no idea man.

Anyway i have just pinpointed the location to arrive using the online street directory.. my usual way of finding places.

What should i bring? Mp3 player, bottle, book, extra shirt.. hehehe..

Gotta leave house at 7.30am.

Wear a tie, have a simple breakfast and be on my way. As usual again.

Oh. Don't forget my mp3 player. Can't leave home without it. Esp on lonesome rides on the train.

My newly bought slingbag will be my chaperone.

Maybe a storybook to go along with all that.

The Nights before the First Days never fails to make me restless..

It has to come sooner or later I guess :)

As i walk into the valley of the shadow of death.. The lord will guideth thee...

*press pause*

haha.. ok i'll end this fast.. gotta sleep soon. Midnight arrived in a blink of an eye.

Movie of the day: Frequency (2000)

One word is enough. Quintessential.

Song of the day: Garth Brooks - When You Come Back To Me Again

One word is not enough. When you watch the show, you will definitely fall in love with this song at the end of the show.

If you don't, i cut.

Helpfulnessbrought a smile to my face.

2005-05-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

Everyone been's really really friendly and approachable. Except one.

But that idiot guy is really arrogant and stupid. He was sent home by the manager. Heres what he did:

Customer: Can i try this hand held vacuum cleaner?

Dumbo: No. You come back tomorrow.

Customer: I want to see your manager now.

Ass.

I doubt hes coming back again. The manager even called for the brand of cleaner hes promoting to be moved out by tuesday. This is very serious already.

Oh yeah, the cashier was the only one that was rather rude to me (The guy mentioned above is being ostracised by me since the end of day 1). I forgot about the stamp on the warranty card and went to get the stamp from a nearby table. However once i hurried back to the counter, the customer was long gone and she kinda blamed me for that saying "Why didn't you tell me to stamp for you(she had one too) and next time you should ask". All i could reply was a "Oh i'm sorry i'm still new here". Sigh. That was the first hour of work. It brought a moment of sadness for awhile but i soon forgot about it and went on doing my usual business. Can't let that get me down.. and luckily, everything went smoothly from then on till my shift ended around 8-9pm. Whew.

On a lighter note, i made 2 sales today! Yippee.

The first one was a "follow-up" sale, meaning he came back after viewing yesterday's presentation to buy it.

The second is a "psycho sale". I somehow or rather impressed him so much with the product with my incessant introduction and demonstration. About 2 min later, he went:

"Ok. I'll have one of these then."

$298 dollars you know! But i guess he was rather rich or simply i hit a stroke of luck coz his intention was to buy a steam cleaner in the first place. Happiness man :)

Went store, rumaged through boxes and boxes for the lime-green contraption, took out warranty card from within the box, re-seal it, sweet talk, utter usage precautions, tie up box with rafia string, carry over to cashier, give staff code, stamp company imprint on cards, ask for duplicate receipt, have a nice day!

Which reminds me.

I gotta familiarise myself with the tying coz i tend to fumble and forget.

This 19 year old polytechnic guy has been really helpful. Taught me alot during these few days. Really am grateful.

Although i'm not officially part of their staff, but i still try to help assist any questions whenever i can. Very good experience. In fact, some customers who are very particular and inquisitive are my favourites. I'm learning alot from them. Though i'm freaking tired and my legs ache like a thousand devils at the end of each day, i still find myself asking why didn't i join this company earlier =) At least for a month coz its a really ideal exposure to public relations unlike the other sale jobs i went to the last time. Maybe its becoz of the senior staff who are really guiding me along well, showing me the proper operation procedure, assembly of electrical parts etc.

Sometimes you will impress yourself even with the amount of words that appear so quickly in your mind and how you verbally interpret it so tactfully. I'm guessing it's becoz of extensive knowledge of the product. I sat down and "studied" ok? :)

I'm sure tomorrow wouldn't be anything different and i'm thinking of getting a rubber sole for my leather shoes to minimise the ache sometimes. Damn i'm getting old hehehe.. No la i'm not! Some of the promoters are already 50+ and they can stand for hours on end. Kudos to them really. And don't forget their photographic memory of stock placing, model familiarity, product background and persuasive skills. Respect!!!

One bad thing is that my demo kit is STILL spoilt, or spoilt again even after the replacement this morning. When i tested it this morning, it was working fine for 10 sec then i switched it off. Then when i tried to use it for demonstration later to a potential buyer, it sort of cranked up on me!

Wtf.

My manager brought this kit specially for my using today to the shop itself and it fucks up within a matter of minutes. Hahah.. maybe the product i'm selling is just some hyped up cheap imitation from China which in actual fact just manufactured for the sole purpose of getting a generous slice of the home-management cake. Maybe the demo kits are just plain faulty from wear and tear or I am just that suay. But not bad liao la, today got 2 sales to my name. I'm contented.

Tomorrow we'll see.

Impatient, grumpy, irritating, ridiculous, outspoken misers!

All come! All come! I will wring your neck and gain morbid satisfaction!!!

First day of sales

2005-05-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Woohoo 0 sales ok!

Why?

1) Faulty demo set. SO have to tell them this is bad example. Crap piece of junk.

2) My section is so secluded, we were joking to put a sign that said "Closed"

3) Customers cannot make it la.

haha.. k la actually i also cannot make it. I talk rather fast and i doubt they can understand 100% of what i said..

"No la I need to compare first la"

"I go home and think about it la"

"My house have already."

"I like to ask questions but I won't buy one la"

"Got what uses?" ... ... ... "oh ok thanks" *walks away*

Nevertheless i gave them the pamphlet hopefully tomorrow they come and buy. They better! If not i get violent! t('.'t)

*Joking*

They buy or don't buy not much difference. Commission is peanuts. I just need that sale to hao lian and report every night =)

D-day approaching.

2005-05-20T04:00:00.000-07:00

Starting with effect from tomorrow, I'll be working everyday for at least 8 hours each till the end of july.

Wish me luck in my jobs.

Hope I don't crash and burn :)

Its one of those days..

2005-05-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

You wake up feeling all alert and just itching to do something.

1) I have had it with sales jobs. Anyone out there heard of Multi level marketing? Recently i responded to this advertisement of some company marketing Japan bio-magnetism sleeping kits. As usual, if you have been to one before, the interview process never changes. You arrive at the appointed time, sit down in some cafe or in the office, the interviewer starts regurgitating whatever he has spoken in the morning to you, you get extremely bored but have to be accomodating to reply, fix a second interview to finalise everything and undergo a presentation of the actual product, which in a nutshell is just all about showing what you would do during the course of explaining and proving to your customer the product uses. Sucks la. Some businessmen have really glib tongues. They know exactly how to psycho you into joining and enslaving you. They unfold a neat piece of A4 paper and start writing down all the incentives and (arguably most interesting part) salary for the promising job or so they say. The line of work may seem lucrative enough, that is, according to what they say with their enticing words. I am not a skeptical person ok. I base my conclusions on others and my own personal experience.

Wow just realised i can be so lo-so when it comes to all these things. Aiya long story cut short, i think it is a carefully planned business gimmick to suck in all these unknowing souls and exploit them till every ounce of energy and conscience is absorbed by every typical tyrannical companys' greed for money and profit.

This is always the case for sales. Yeah i know every pioneer/entrepreneur strives for success and all but MLM is just too unscrupulous if you know what i mean. Damn i am so tempted to write about the job scope, training etc. Anyway, back to the point, I called a particular friend who engaged in this workline for several months before switching to another job for part timers. The first reaction I encountered is two words. "Fucked up". Then he carried on by saying that it is addictive. In the sense of money. Its like going out of your way, underhand means if situation calls for it, just in order to clinch that sole deal. Could be a $2000 or $50 deal. As long you increase your payroll at the end of the month. I ventured into this business before in the past months.

My aim of calling him was reaffirmed with his answer. This is NOT it. Not my calling not my forte not my ideal workplace. Hell, there is no free lunch in this world, no utopia on earth. I do know all that shit. All my initial doubts were cleared and every single scepticism questions were answered. I just had to find someone or somewhere to further reinforce my decision. Yes. After the primary introduction, my heart was telling me "Dont dive into this again Kenneth its not worth it. You have already learnt enough from that".

Ok tomorrow i will make the call. Or rather its almost 5am now. So its today.

2) Recent events that happened to me has really prompted me to think back again and again and again and again. Thats why my previous posts, quite a few were blasts from the past. I hope I don't forget them. Which brings me to another thought. I ever thought of stopping this blog because i realised certain experiences of mine its better to just keep to oneself and not divulge everything in words. Its like being restricted sometimes knowing friends and strangers may just stumble onto your blog and read some details about yourself which they find it is so unlike you in reality. They will be like wow this wow that, i didn't knew you this and that, why you this and that.. the list goes on. My sole purpose of starting to blog is to look back in time and reminisce in the future. Then it started to dawn on me that i should hear what the views of others on issues i face. One of my many unspoken mottos : Learn anything, everywhere, anyhow. Big or small just go for it!

Sometimes when i agree to meet up or participate in some event, i have this self motication of learning what i can from that night out or day activity. Sometimes just to catch up on old times sake, to remember the good times one had with a person or group. But nowadays i find myself being much more extroverted. I became more sociable, i teased and got teased in return. I ran amok, stood still and shot away again and again and again. Roller coaster. I did things i would never do. I stop doing things i knew i shouldn't do. I did things just for the sake of doing. I meditated in my own unique way and my attitude changed. My personality has somewhat improved though there are still heaps to rediscover in myself. I think I have reached a stage where I can handle problems with swift decisive actions. I no longer feel any constraint or fear. Certainly not as much i used to. Somehow it has moulded me in a special way in the past months. I can feel it inside me. Aw, its a good feeling. Humour hasn't changed. I still crap alot though not in the lame way that i so excelled in =)

Am i getting too philosophical? I'm like talking to myself! I have so many god damn things to say and i don't know where to start?!

I am just so pumped up right now. Give me anything now i promise you i will be all head over heels. Can i let out a war cry? Is this what they call the "I'm 20-30s I feel invincible" symptom?
I really think and do the darndest things. Regret? What does taht word truly mean? Success you say? Righhtt. Family. Friends. Loved one. Colleagues. Acquaintances. Streets. Buildings. Schools. Trains. Cars. Windows. Wipers. Seats. Roads. Taxis. Licence. Pictures. Office. Destops. Laptops. Music. Artistes. Singing. Dancing. Clubbing. Pubs. Drinks. Hair. Dye. Clothes. Ties. Yellow. Home. Keys. Sofa. Throw. Bathe. Drink. Think. Great. Next please :)

Watch me metamorphose, live and let out loud!

5.33

Buffet!

2005-05-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

A friend who seldom gambles woke up one day and her mother nagged her to buy 4D. She trudged her way reluctantly to the lottery shop and bought the numbers she randomly thought of on the spot. She won $10000+

Now she says she's holding a lavish buffet at her house tomorrow evening.

So damn lucky!!!

That time "Toto Hongbao Draw" I bought $15 quickpick also never tio. And that was my virgin buy ok.

Must eat more.. eat more.. eat more.. make her bankrupt.

Worst feeling in the world!

2005-05-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

That constipated suppressed feeling!

I entered the shopping lift and pressed for the groundfloor. Just as the bloody doors were about to close, this auntie barge in with her groceries bags. Nothing wrong there BUT i was so about to release toxic gas lor. Got a bit of diarrhoea after eating all the crayfish in malaysia. So my happiness and relief of being alone in the lift turned to nought in an instant.

Argh. SO what is the next step any considerate citizen should do?

1) Play it cool, just release la
2) Use qigong and tahan
3) "Auntie! get lost before its too late!"
4) "Aiya! Forgot something!" then run out of the lift
5) Cough loudly and in series to muffle the noise.

I chose (2)

Bad idea. From 4th floor to 1st floor was pure agony. Face red like beetroot.

My choice next time is confirm (1) I swear!

After all, i wouldn't know that suay person what. Not a crime also.

Gimme the shotgun!

2005-05-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

Someone punch me quick. I am reeling.

I think I've just had my overdose of lame jokes being thrown explicitly in my face.

This has more cheese than a freshly stocked dairy.

1)

Lamer no. 1 telling a story:

An old man gets on the bus. Spots a teenage punk with his hair dyed like a rainbow. He stares at him intently, mainly focusing on the colourful hairdo. Punk gets annoyed and glares at him, demanding to know what the hell he's staring at.

Old man replied: "I once had sex with a parrot and wondered if you were my son."

Lamer no. 1:

haha?

Me:

Don't tell anybody you know me. kthxbye.

2)

Lamer no. 2 telling a story:

Wahhh! Yesterday night the thunderstorm so scary!

Me: Why leh?

Lamer no. 2:

Got thunder and lightning but no rain leh! I thought Judgement Day!!! How to face God hahaha!

Me: Hehehe. Hey I think you're running late for your appointment..

3)

Lamer no. 3 laughing non-stop in the gym:

Hahaha! Eh Just now you got see the old indian janitor in the toilet or not?

Me:

Never see la. Why leh? You gian ah? hahaha..

Lamer no. 3:

Hahaha! One guy call him "Techno Boy" xia! Then he said "Waazzuupppppp.........." hahaha!

Me:

OH IZIT! HAHAHA WHEN HE SAY!? So old still so FUNKY! Bwahahahah!!!

*Shoots self with shotgun*

Yesterday was mine.

2005-05-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

Where to begin?..

Hmm.

Ok. First off, I've just signed up for "California Fitness" 2 week free trial. A friend intro-ed me last week. Its been really fun since its been quite a long time since i hit the gym. Pumping pumping and pumping gave me bicep aches for 3 whole days. I'm planning to go at least 3 times next week.. don't wanna waste the free 2 week trial ya know =) One thing about that place is that there are gays and incredible hulks around. Got this really chao ah gua doing his treadmill with his backside swaying side to side with each alternating motion. Gosh I almost became a merlion at the sight of it. Ran away from the scene to rejoin my friends admiring their arms in the other section. Woohoo. Another joker. This guy is like the Singapore Arnold Schwarzenegger. Damn bloody noisy also.

"Oooze! Hmp! Ooooze! Hmp! BANG!"

"Bang" is due to that oversized meatball dropping his free weights onto the floor.

Siao lang.

"Bu gou da meh?"

On thursday, I went to Malaysia with 3 of my friends to get some "stuff" and do some cheap shopping. Oh ya don't forget the binge of seafood. Bla bla bla.

Anyway, due to a friend's sudden and incoherent decision of not deciding to deliver the "stuff" over to Singapore, we were faced with the decision to carry it manually back. We took a taxi jubilantly knowing the customs wouldn't check based on my own account of previous experiences. Reality always has a knack of unforeseen occurences.

Surprise surprise.

They halted the vehicle, ordered everyone to get out of the car and searched our pockets and taxi. My friend's attempt at hiding the "stuff" underneath the pessenger seat was foiled.

"What is this? Why you hide there?"

Another of my friend had the rest of the package inside his pockets but the police officers didn't notice them. And i thought we would evade any detection even if we were stopped for a routine search.

So the officer counted the "stuff" which came to about 9-10 and he said "Wa you buy so many you know!"

I stood rooted. My world came crashing down coz i thought we were all gonna be interrogated, fine and jailed!

AHHHHHHH!!! All thanks to my friend who decided to save about 20 RM. What an idiot. I know your reading this. But i don't care. Idiot. You hear me? Idiot. Anyway don't expect us to jio you into Malaysia ever again. Its your first and last time.

Lucky for us, the guy let us go with a stern warning. Was still pissed but there was still thrill which made it really memorable. Yes, I am a nutcase =)

Lesson learnt and afterthoughts:

1) Always deliver your shit over.
2) No point arguing with a person who is already self-righteous.
3) Sorry can be the hardest word but it works.
4) No Malaysia trip is complete without a poster for my room.
5) Rage sometimes cannot be controlled.
6) I still don't like Malaysia shopping centres.
7) Found new places to eat the next time i go.
8) Don't press your luck. Customs don't slack like they use to.
9) Hair saloons there are cheaper.
10) Sing with me! Malaysia! Truly Asia!

Anyway, the weekend was really really great. I did what I always wanted to do.

I shall stop here on a Sunday night.

Cya blog. I love you.

Ps: Yes. I like poly. Don't ask me anymore.

You remind me of when i was 16.

2005-05-13T02:44:00.000-07:00

Childish.

You can't handle criticism from others and that is sad.

You narcissistic attitude is gonna get you nowhere.

hahaha

2005-05-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

My younger brother is 13, stands at 1.51m, weighs 45 kg.

My cupboard stands at 1.5m.

Me: You know ah when i was your age, My head can touch the cupboard edge here leh.

Him: Really ah?

*Proceeds to knock his head*

hahaha

An owl hoots in the night

2005-05-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

Was just reading something that jolted a thought that has been lingering in my mind since i was a teenager.

I should have been born in America.

I won't go into too many details tonight.

I'm overflowed with emotions and fantasical scenarios.

Lets just say it will be better than Singapore entertainment wise.

Just an ordinary day out

2005-05-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

Went to this sleazily cheap ktv. Saw another group of friends at one of the rooms but wasn't really one of my close cliques so it was just sit down-smile-hello-introduce-nice to meet you-what you all doing nowadays-gotta rejoin friends-tata.

Actually wanted to hao lian my superb singing vocals to the group but there was this guy in the group that was seemingly perturbed by my prescence, so didn't offer to brighten up their spirits on the house. Maybe he scared i mesmerize all the girls with my sexy husky voice? That particular guy didn't smile at all when i went in, complained of a sore throat and sang like a pussy ever since i pop out of nowhere.

Enough. Waste my energy type about him.

Cost of my ktv marathon: $40 for 5 hours!!!

Before everyone starts being skeptical, let me tell you first that

1) The songs are UP TO DATE.

2) TV is 40 inch flat screen. Room can fit 6 people easily.

3) Got the ang moh songs that i crave daily.

4) Got NO sickening service charge, $5 snacks?!, minimum of 1 drink purchase, irritating waiters barge in and interrupt with bills(actually no waiters at all.. thats why i say its damn "ulu")

Sing until i almost go bonkers. Oh ya i want to mention the unique points of the ktv also.

1) If you want a drink, go to the sleazy fridge and take as much as you want. Got beer, soft drinks and i think yakult.

2) If you want hostesses, the sleazy mamasan will personally enter the room and give you two tight slap.

3) Got two sleazy plastic bowls for cigarette ash.

4) Lighting is in the form of one sleazy intensity spotlight which can be variated.

5) Paintings and posters on the wall are artistically hung at an angle. One of which only had one curvaceous body but no head. Think its sleazy Elva hehehe.

Where was I? Right ok.

Anyway my sexy husky voice degenerated to a gruffy impatient loan shark. I found myself resort to shouting out high notes, had to recompose myself when the occasional off-pitched cackle blurts which i tried to disguise in vain by coughing subtly. That was after 3 hours or so of intense crooning.

At the end of the shagadelic session, went to eat laksa. Famous one this stall. Famous for its today's laksa special: 50 cent size cockles. Woah. Scare me to death.

Saw some sleazy massage parlours. Tried to sneak in several times but my friend had me on a tight leash. Damn.

Bitched all the way to the bus stop and gossiped about everyone but myself. I'm such a saint.

Slowly inched my way to the back of the bus.

Alighted at Pasir Ris interchange. Saw sweaty tekong army recruits shuffling around.

Disgusted as usual. Felt like snatching one shortie's backpack and run home.

I hate it when I walk past people and they stare for a brief second. Hot babes are excused.

1) Too ugly or too handsome?

2) My hair too funky for you?

3) My height intimidate you?

4) Wondering where i bought my shirt?

5) My wallet bulge out too much or my shop is open for business?

*Adjust imaginary belt furtively*

No what.

Reach home.

Check piracy program download status.

Blast mp3.

Take out contacts.

Put on milk-bottom glasses.

Blog.

Msn.

Hug bolster.

Byebye world. See you tomorrow.

The Sunday Times Life's Last Page

2005-05-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about the "Life" newspaper on Sundays.

Ever noticed the last page is always some highly acclaimed director/entrepreneur being interviewed about his favourite delicacies?

The last part of the article ALWAYS asks about "What would your last meal be?"

Kao. A bit insensitive right. People only 40-50 you remind them of death? It's not that i am scared shitless about death etc. I just find it an inappropriate question to ask thats all.

Well, its the world of media. Anything goes.

Teo Paul Lin (Reporter) :

So to sum it all up Mr Big shot, What would your last meal be?

Me :

You. *Gnaws at Pau lin's slender succulent neck*

Breaking Benjamin - Sooner or Later

2005-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

I want a normal life
Just like a new born child
I am a lover hater
I am an instigater
You are an oversight
Don't try to compromise
I'll learn to love to hate it
I am not integrated!

Just call my name
You'll be okay
Your scream is burning through my veins!!!
Sooner or later your gonna hate it!
Go ahead and throw your life away!!!
Driving me under
Leaving me out there
Go ahead and throw your life away!!!!!!

You're like an infantile
I knew it all the while
You sit and try to play me
Just like you see on tv
I am an oversight
Just like a parasite
Why am I so pathetic
I know you won't forget it!!!

Just call my name
You'll be okay
Your scream is burning through my veins!!!!!!
Sooner or later your gonna hate it!!!
Go ahead and throw my life away!!!!!!
Driving me under
Leaving me out there
Go ahead and throw my life away...

Sooner or later your gonna hate it
Go ahead and throw our life away!!!!!!
Driving me under
Leaving me out there
Go ahead and throw our life away!!!!!!

Yoooooouuuuuu...uuu.... Throw our life away!!!!!!

Yoooooouuuuuu...uuu.... Throw our life away!!!!!!...

I love it.

You know something?

2005-05-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

The people who offer advice may not be the best person to do so.

Could be even your own parents.

Could be even your siblings.

Could be even your closest group of friends or relatives.

The best advice is actually shown through action.

A person who has seen much of the shortcomings and benefits can show you the supposedly favourable way to advance.

But a person who impresses and inspires you in the way he/she carries herself and his/her attitude can provide the soundest advice you can ever heed.

Making an example out of the person. Your reach. Your persistence to catch up.

I can see it clearly now.

I am motivated.

I learnt alot from that crazy night out.

Thanks.

I will try my utmost best when the opportunity knocks. Rest assured.

Toilet: Yes can i help you?

2005-05-07T01:43:00.000-07:00

Why i dislike/hate them with a vengeance

1) The Aroma

I absolutely hate hearing ploppity plops. Need I say more?

2) The Onlookers

What. Guy cannot style hair cannot vain meh.

3) The Egoistic

Hello uncle.. this is not some movie sneak preview ok. Many times already this one! Look down! Not left or right!

4) The Ali baba

Stealing/wasting toilet paper is dreadful enough already. But the hook also?! My bag how??

5) The Can’t-Be-Bothered

Flush like Gu-niang expect everything to swirl in?

6) Puddles!

Miniature pools not only stain your long pants but also provide a untimely medium for a peek at the adjacent user.

7) Code Red.

Fans of Michael Jackson are rampant. So be wary coz such a bizarre fetish must not be taken lightly.

When/Why I like them

1) When I’m running out of time.

2) When I’m counting Ang bao.

3) Choke or not. Not your fault.

4) Sometimes radio stations do play your favourite tunes you know.

5) All the time in the world to explore your handphone whatever.

6) Graffiti can be entertaining at times.

“Call 9XXXXXXX for a good time”
“I was here on XX-XX-XX”
“Come here every Tuesday at 8.30pm”

hehehe.

It's Space Ibiza time! Ciao.

Nirvana.

2005-05-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

We were having dinner at kallang before we made our way to the indoor stadium. As we were queueing up for admission, I noticed the diversity in age ranges of those attending. There were ah mas, ah peks, toddlers, teenagers and 20-30s. It was a balanced statistic from what I observed.

Btw, the concert had Zhang yu (I don’t give a shit), Huang Pin Yuan ( The one who has only one hit “Xiao Wei”. I don’t give a shit too) and Wu Bai (The reason I bought tickets)

The order of performance was Zhang yu, Pin yuan followed by Wu bai.

I was reading today’s Life and on the backpage was a really brief summary. Accurate to some extent but I just had this feeling that the reporter was somewhat disappointed at the passiveness of the attendees.

I share his/her thoughts.

Arriving at the stadium around 8pm, we were actually late in the sense most of the seats were already taken up except those in the “obscure” region. Eventually we found seats on the highest most floor directly facing the stage.

The host was some Chinese female dj who I also can’t be bothered to recall her name.

However, she said (in Chinese) something along the lines of :

“We won’t start if the frontal part of the stage isn’t filled!”

She was beckoning the audience to make their way down to the standing area.

It seemed that no one cared or even bothered to listen.

Zhang yu appeared at around 9pm to kick start the concert.

We were unfazed.

I’m sure everyone knows that after almost every song performed, the artiste would deliver a short message or simply proceed to chat with the audience.

I felt sorry for Zhang yu.

Its not our fault that we as Singaporeans don’t find your songs that engaging, thus the lukewarm response of clapping while our butts stayed glued to our seats.

If you haven’t read the newspapers..

It says that Zhang yu quipped that his wife was not around at the concert so his fans could scream sweet-nothings anytime they felt like it. Well, I don’t remember anyone doing that. Not at my corner.

Later on, he also said in response to a fan’s request for a particular song, that if he were to sing that song now, then he could pack up and leave for Taiwan straightaway since there won’t be anymore songs left for him to capture the audience attention.

How pathetic. I was never a fan and never will be. That is just so unbecoming of an artiste.

Sometimes I find myself clapping out of courtesy just for the effort factor.

Enough about this hack.

Next up was another lackluster performance by the “famous” guy who brought you “Xiao Wei”.

If you bought the tickets for this guy alone, rest assured that you won’t miss out on anything after leaving for home bcoz that was his first and only song that stimulated my heavy eyelids.

Another guy who couldn’t wow the crowd. But at least he didn’t resort to deprecating humour like the first performer.

The moment he indicated that he was finishing with two more lullabies, we found ourselves looking up and blinking.

The decision to make our way down to the standing zone was concurrent. One friend stood up slightly and asked if we would want to… go get a “better view”. We stood up as if on cue, skipped our way down the steps, went for a smoke and toilet break and made our way towards the exit coz apparently to get to the staging area, we had to leave the building and enter through the bottom levels.

Half-sprinting, we were anxious and determined not to miss out on Wu bai’s grand entrance. But we stopped at this sign which pointed the direction to the standing zone.

It read “This way to the Rock Zone” or something like that.

We were amused. Weird.

Then in an instant I understood the irony.

The half-filled zone just wasn’t that much of a spectacle for a rock concert.

Hell, the so-called dance floor couldn’t have been more barren. In this density, I could have sprinted through Zouk’s 1st and 2nd floors without bumping someone in the process.

It was the last song that Pin yuan sang. Thank God. Now fuck off and bring out the big guns. I was so tempted to bring myself to blurt out the F word just so he could leave the stage in more of a hurry.

I was getting impatient.

It was about the halfway mark of a close-to-three-hour event.

The lights dimmed. Streams of laser with flashes of spotlight illuminating the arena.

“Whats that I see!”

A man with a shark-like soft toy attached to his head wielding a electric guitar.

My mind went “This is what I’m waiting for! This is what I’m waiting for!!!”

The crowd went wild but it was only the fervent fans who were standing all along and dying of anticipation earlier.

Thumping of fists, frantic waving and relentless clapping. But nothing of the carrying-of-bodies-on-top-of-fans sadly :)

Wu bai is such an entertainer. Strong vocals, perfect tunes, China-blue supporting him as a band, belting out hit after hit, his electric guitar swaying from side to side just as a true rockstar should be. Dare I ask for more???

It was like BAM BAM WHAM BANG ZINGG!

I shouted myself hoarse. I couldn’t hear my voice. I didn’t care. I forgot about my troubles. I felt free. This was what I craved.

It was an incredible ecstatic high.

Time flew. I “flew”.

I seemingly forgot about my companions. I was so engrossed. Ever felt that feeling of not having a care in the world? It’s the best sensation in the world.

Its not the feeling of finishing your exams.

Its not the feeling of having a well-deserved rest after a hard days work.

Its more.

Wu bai came with a bang and ended just the way it should. With a bang following an encore of three additional songs. I fucking love it.

Half an hour before the show officially ended, 8,000 fans were on their feet and everyone expressed their show of support and enthusiasm in one way or another.

I looked behind.

It was filled. I was glad and felt immensely satisfied for once with the crowd that night.

The concert ended with a humble bow by Wu bai and his band mates.

I was shoved out from my conjured twilight zone of mine.

Reality is such a bitch.

We stood there motionless for awhile, trying to take in all that we could from the remaining atmosphere, clinging to the hope of a second encore that never came.

Breathed deeply and sucked a good deal of air into my maxed out lungs.

It was like my emotional release.

I have not felt this form of release in any clubbing experiences ever.

We walked towards the exit without a word.

Indescribable.

Its like rebirth albeit a short one.

Coke.

2005-05-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

Coke, now thats a spicy drink.

WU BAI CONCERT.

2005-05-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

OMFG. HE ROCKED SO HARD EVERYONE PEED THEIR PANTS! WHOEVER DIDN'T GO TO THE CONCERT DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSING!!!

THE MAD ENERGY!!!

ITS CONTAGIOUS!!!!!!

What is a guy who/whose..

2005-05-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

1) Does not lift a finger to assist or take things for granted even though it indirectly has more or less some degree of impact or relevance on oneself.

2) Derives inexplicable pleasure from poking fun at others in a lame and annoying way in a pointless bid to divert attention off inflicted stress from work.

3) Criticises something which is so aesthetically inclined into something that is soporific, sordid and uninspired based solely on his singular distorted perceptions.

4) Bottles up negativeness and forces himself to sleep on it.

5) Thoughtless nature led to his tactlessness.

6) Tenacity resulted in his incredulous outlook on issues.

7) Chooses a cowardice way out due to self diffidence citing the breach of moral principles as a tenable justification.

8) Animosity of endured rancor cannot be freely expressed and relieved without constraint.

Now, you tell me why.

I am so damn fucking curious.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

2005-05-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'm considering going overseas to further my studies.

Most probably if i decide to do that, I would be going to the Us!

Theres almost no doubt about that.

Coz I know a good deal of American lifestyle and also i find Australia B-O-R-I-N-G.

Don't forget the embrace of rock over there unlike Singaporeans who are so "dead".

Oh.

The 4 seasons. The soft sandy beaches. The magnificent skylines. The liberality. The different cultures. The freedom. The food. The music. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh.

I am teleporting already.

But one thing i need to ascertain for myself is whether will it end up a fruitful journey or will I end up disappointed again?

So many stories I've heard already. Friends and strangers alike.

It's madness i tell you some of 'em.

Its a 50-50 thing.. experiences that I've came across.

I HAVE HAD FRIENDS GOING TO SYDNEY MELBOURNE PERTH CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES AND NEW YORK..

THE THING IS.

SOME COME BACK TO SINGAPORE UNDER THE NOTION OF TRANSFERING TO A LOCAL UNIVERSITY OR SIMPLY LEFT THE TROUBLED GOD DAMN PLACE.

WHILE

OTHERS ARE MERRY IN THEIR RESPECTIVE UNIVERSITY OR ARE JUST SIMPLY ROCKING ON THOUGH IT ISN'T ONE HELL OF A JOYRIDE.

So many mixed feelings so many memories shared so many crossroads so much advice rendered so many real-life accounts.

I will decide by the end of June while i await my application results.

Don't worry I'll be up and running in no time ^_^

Superficiality and Love

2005-04-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

This is a word I rarely hear during conversations. It’s a word which everyone agrees on but hardly ever brought up. Well I shall break precedent and tell you what I think.

Being superficial is not an imperfection. It’s a standard, a gauge to decide, to fathom one’s limits. Its only such a rarity because people are reluctant to share, to admit. They think it’s a human stain which can’t be removed and should be disdained. Its not. It’s a succinct knock that reminds why we are what we are as part of humanity. It is inevitable that we focus on such a distinguished characteristic for our personal gratification and indulgence.

I want to wake up each day, be proud of my significant other knowing I have made a felicitous choice. Found thy soul mate. One who I can relate, one who I can share, let into my weird little world and still come out deliriously happy. One who can stand the idiosyncrasies that only I exhibit and treasure me for it. That I can tell others someday, that is what made her my wife. I want to be able to gaze fixated to her eyes and say “I don’t want anything more”. When I say “nothing”, I actually mean something and she could perceive, realise and sympathise. I want to discover her just as much as she would want to discover me, examine our mutual affection as we connect.

Experiencing that ounce of excitement, whisper of a thrill that will in turn sweep me away and I levitate. I want to sing with rapture, dance like a dervish. Cherish every minute and seconds in between and revel in it. That in times of adversity, I could whisper a whisper so hushed in her ear..

“I’m still here.”

That is what bliss means to me.

“I want you to know how much I love you. You have given me meaning to my life that I have no right to expect, that no one can ever take from me.”

Catch me saying that, and

You’re the one I’ve been searching for.

How could you..

2005-04-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

This is a really tear-jerking entry i read days ago. Its very well written too.

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together.

I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room.

A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and

I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

Take your passport and..

2005-04-29T19:44:00.000-07:00

Go to Malaysia..

Go to Holiday Plaza..

Ask the sleazy ah beng or uncle to open the secret door..

And GRAB this..

"Goo Goo Dolls - Live In Buffalo (LIVE on July 4th 2004)"!!!

Snatch if you have to!

Or better yet..

Get two copies of the dvd!

You're bound to get one stolen!

Oh almost forgot.

Get this movie also!

Bio-Zombie!

This movie is a guaranteed entertainer!

Why???

Coz if a person like me who is so "jiak kan dang"(eat potato) and "toh ktv chioh ang moh kua"(Sing English songs at ktv), then CANNOT be wrong right?!

GO BUY NOW.

Fuck the causeway customs!

Don't let your parents down can??

Live at Buffalo

Preview. Open using Windows Media Player

Bio-Zombie

Update:

On second thoughts, ask them deliver to Singapore better. I don't want anyone getting caught then i take the rap for it. Jesus. I don't wanna get flamed lor.

Stars illuminate my room at night.

2005-04-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

I’m feeling really vexed and unnerved.

At times I’ll forget about my troubles. Other times I’ll dwell on it and despair. Before I sleep I think about them. Before I go through each day I think about them. Few things are going right for me currently.

I miss you so much. I felt we had so much in common it’s a shame we just didn’t had the time and weren’t ready. You had too much on your plate. How I wish I could share your troubles. Hope your financial woes are less of a nagging problem now. Alas, I could only provide a listening ear. I could always tell by your façade of indifference behind that smile but there’s only so much I can do to relieve your pain, like talking to you and seeing you off to the mrt before you leave for Sembawang.

The first time I met you, you were strolling into the centre looking pretty in pink. The last time I saw you, the image of you faded so fast through the glass door. I admired your courage of venturing overseas before returning, knowing you were once xenophobic. Your words were hitting all the right notes. The advice I remember. I uphold. I still fondly recall that incident whereby you, me and the manager were alone in the office and we discussed about the policies and tried to clear doubts in the air. Haha.. You bad mouthed him after he left that night.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and memories with me over lunch and the 20min walks before we bade goodbye.

“Happy Holidays!”

Oooh bucky. You too.

Has anyone watched “Patch Adams” before?

There was this poem that I really liked during the show while Patch was mourning at the funeral. Overall, a solid movie with flawless acting by Robin Williams again who carried the show single handedly.

I’ll just end by sticking a few screenshots of the movie here.

I feel so lovey-dovey all of a sudden. But an incessant disheartening issue still remains at the back of my mind.

On my way home..

2005-04-25T01:43:00.000-07:00

I walked past Macdonalds and saw an old lady helping out in the counter and kitchen. She was smiling radiantly along with her high-spirited co-workers. I felt happy for her.

I saw an old lady sitting comfortably on a tiled low-wall at the void deck. She stared at me. I returned the gaze immediately. She almost fell over.

Le Delire, co mo staz. Riz'l de moria!

2005-04-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm going through a really taxing time of my life. The uncertainty of the future scares me and provokes. I walk through streets and wander buildings only to discover the different paths individuals take. So many different trades and professions. Behind every face is a story. I am fascinated with urban stories. I need inspiration. I need guidance. I need opportunities. I need criticism. I need praise. I need time. I need motivation. I need a clone. I need solace. I don't need God.

What is it that i'm capable of? What i desire? What am i familiar with? What i long for so long? Who i want to be? What will i become in years down the road? Where will i be? What have i achieved? What is it that motivates me? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? Why bother dwelling on the past? Why the decisions earlier? Why do I care for them? Why do i not believe? Why is it the world cruel? Why aren't everyone more liberal? Why can't everybody think like you? Why can't the world Un-fuck itself.

Snap out of it! Snap out of it! SNAP OUT OF IT I SAY!

But fret not.

I will prevail. I will make sure success is within my grasp. I will prove it to myself. I will find purpose. I will be crafted clay. I will find the road. I will not stray. I will crush. I will steam roll. I can't stop. I will not stop.

Hit me with your best shot.

I'm ready.

I'm in.

What a boring saturday morning can do.

2005-04-23T02:08:00.000-07:00

Argh. I’m getting all flustered over this uni stuff. So much anticipation and fear.

Hold on.

Let me blast my speakers.

Scans winamp playlist.

Why yes! PRODIGY! SMACK MYYYY BITCH UP!!!!!!

*Music rolling*

Anyway lets not talk unhappy stuff shall we?

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend during dinner and inevitably another memory was being discussed and savoured.

Much as I dislike gays, but I realize I must hand it to myself. I ATTRACT GAYS. Don’t even mention the notorious Changi Village. That place is a haven for gays. I know coz I used to frequent there for supper during my night’s off from Pulau Tekong.

Oh.. the $2.50 Nasi Lemak..
Oh.. Sugar cane juice..
Oh.. the subway burgers..

And I really miss being so unrestrained in conversations! Miss the spewing of vulgarities! Miss the companionship of fellow army haters! Miss the gossip of the all-time SCUM POOL SUPERVISOR! And how can I forget?!

I MISS BITCHING ABOUT THE LIFEGUARD-WHO-DOESN”T-KNOW-HES-GAY!!!

You will reading about this soon but first I need to…

Digress!!!

Woohoo!

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE – GUERILLA RADIO is playing!!!

Right. Ok. Its not easy writing when my room is in such a racket.

Firstly, I want to clarify some matters. This is to eradicate certain delusions and kill off any remaining green-eyed monsters.

1)

Lifeguarding (In army) is a easy job. Plain and simple. It is relatively undemanding and gets repetitive after a while BUT the training is no laughing joke and in times of emergency, every second matters. If you are late in undertaking necessary action or simply just dozing off behind the pairs of shades, then shit happens. Lets not go into too much details. I have already served my time. I am finished with Singapore Armed Forces (SAF). I have Served And Fucked off.

2)

The only eminent differences between a combat, service or “grey / half-baked” vocations (like yours truly here) is the fact that you curse more the moment you wake up from slumber from most to least respectively and not to mention the physical anguish which is also in that handy order.

But, always remember this fellow patriots.

I do not serve a day longer than you! I also lost the control of my left brain in the process and left it somewhere at my office front door before I strode out with whatever dignity I can muster or whatever is left. Doesn’t matter. Some just promptly leave half a twitching disgruntled brain in their locker or under the bed and let the next pitiful uncorrupted soul clean the mess and ensure the tradition prevails when your time is up. I left some unused shampoo hoping it will brighten up my understudy’s mood even for a while. Oh. And also a copy of FHM.

So I hope from now on no one whines about the “HOLIDAYS” I endured in army. The irony.

That being said, now I shall dive into this gay business.

I shall put these entries in the form of diary #1, #2 so on and so forth.

Diary #1

After my lifeguarding course in SPT (School of Physical Training) at Pasir Leba Camp, I was jointly posted to Pulau Tekong along with two mates from my course. One of them was “DeLLick”. Of coz that isn’t her real name. Just replace the Ls with Rs. Notice also that I deliberately referred to him as her. No wait. That way, I would be insulting and defaming women. I got it! Lets just call him “it”!. Hmm. No cannoooottt. That way, I would be insulting and defaming animals.

Yes. I was traumatized. But everything in contact with SAF is no fairy tale. Theres no happy ending. Good thing is, everything dies along with it too.

Lets just stick to “her”.

It was my first day. Met my boss the supervisor, upper-studys and some other big shot officers of the camp. We, as pampered lifeguards in SPT, have gotten used to the idea of going home every day and thus, the rule of a stay-in camp enforced on us made us wail and whine. I took it pretty well though my heart was somewhat crushed.

Anyway, we were told to bring back most of our barang-barang which were mostly the combat-issued equipment. We wouldn’t be using it for eternity. Unless our annual rifle marksmanship test comes. But hey.. I can borrow what. Except for earplugs. So while the three of us were on the ferry, we discussed about any backdoor plans for illegal book outs and ways to achieve our coveted goal of permanent stay-out from camp everyday.

Excerpt of a conversation:

Dellick: Wahh… how ah… I thought we can stay out… like that how… damn sad…

Me: Aiya. Nevermind la. At least the three of us stay in the east side mah. We should be able to at least book out for most of the days. Tomorrow we try to discuss with our boss lor.

3rd Lifeguard: No need to scared la. Even if can’t book out, I also sure illegal book out one lor! So near my house! Crazy ah don’t go home!

Dellick: Kenneth… you leh… you sad or not…

THEN,

She touched my arm and tugged lightly at my shirt.

Little did I know that this is only a preview of hair-raising stories.

Diary #2

It took me a few weeks to really adapt fully to the new camp routine and lifestyle. Formed a few cliques here and there. Learnt the safest way to avoid getting caught for covert operations of sneaking home. Just take the 6.45 fastcraft instead of the 6.30. WAH SO HARD EH? I BET MY POOL SUPERVISOR WILL HIT THE ROOF IF HE READS THIS.

I was never caught hahaha! I even got spies ok! People will even call to tell me if your car is gone from the parking lot or not! Regimental Police won’t ask me for booking out passes becoz I curry favour! I bootlick! I treat them kopi!!! And I don’t need to bend down!!! Fucker!!!

I’m drifting. The topic today is about gayness.

One night during the first few months of my new camp, all three of us stayed in camp overnight for some interaction with the seniors and other camp mates. I was shivering from head to toe after a swim at the campsite’s pool.

Btw, we lifeguards sleep in the office. We do have bunks but sleeping on mattresses in an air-conditioned office still beats a creaky bed and fan any day. Furthermore, not sleeping in bunks has its advantages like not putting yourself in the risk of surprise room checks.

Inside the main office is the room we watch tv, play playstation and wrestle. As I took my toiletries and tiptoed into the toilet, I saw two familiar figures slouched on the sofa. It was the two course mates of mine. To my horror,

Her head was leaning onto my friend’s shoulder watching tv.

Only when I step in for a closer look did I get the whole picture. She was gay and my friend was asleep.

I was still shivering when I was bathing.

That night, I covered myself entirely with a blanket. I didn’t want to wake up with a sharp pain in my ass.

Diary #3

This is the most powerful entry of all. It still invokes laughter now and then whenever it is mentioned. In fact, it is a must-tell if someone asks me about my army life. You can’t exclude this.

So as the story progressed, everyone started to ostracize her for her degrading demeanour.

About a year of cat-and-mouse games with the army, my under-studys arrived to join in the Tekong Escapade adventures. One was a Chinese guy from Holland. 1.80 metres tall with a well-chiseled body. The other was a Chinese guy fresh from Temasek Poly. 1.70 metres tall with a complexion as dark as mine. Both are 3 years older than me.

Enough intro.

So she sprang into action. Like a feline with insatiable hunger, she lunged at her target, the Hunky Holland Hottie. The “inebriated” and misguided hunk was tricked into her charms but not for long! He soon came to his senses after one incident.

One night, when I was preparing to book into camp before the stipulated timing of 23.59, I spotted the Holland Hunk with his pet feline walking in tow. I wasn’t on talking terms with her at this point so I decided to sit directly behind them. Holland Hunk and I had lots of shit to converse about. So it turned out he was neglecting her while waiting for the ferry’s arrival. She felt so left out and unwanted.

Everybody now… Awwwwww….

When the last call for the ferry rang, she went off without a word with the Holland Hunk shouting behind her in chinese “Oei Teng leh! Oei!” like a raving madman. She was being so deliberately oblivious to the commotion behind; you could almost see her pout.

The Holland Hunk and I found it really silly. So silly, we did the fingers clenched repeated pumping action at our mouths before we got off our seats.

Needless to say, their relationship soured and eventually turned to mutual hate. But hey I’m no conspirator or abettor ok! It was decisive judgment on Holland Hunk’s part.

After their falling out, Holland Hunk told me a lot of funny shit about his former pet.
How he had to drive the cat out of his house before 12am just as he was preparing to sleep, following him wherever he goes shopping etc..

Nothing beats this he told me.

Excerpt of a conversation:

(I convert to English)

Pet: I’m sure you know the others are all avoiding me like the second coming of the bubonic plague. (She said something like that la, can't remember everything)

Holland Hunk: Yeah I noticed.

Pet: Actually, I’m not that bad a person actually.

(I’ll translate this part to Chinese. Effect is better)

Wo zhe ke ren shi hen jing de… Chi yao ni ken ren shi wo, wo huei man man kai gei ni kan de.

(I’m actually a “tight” person… If you get to know me better, I’ll SLOWLY OPEN FOR YOU TO SEE!)

Holland Hunk: !!!

Miscellaneous Diarys

1)

Pissed off with me for criticizing canteen food and compared the scenario to that of kids in Africa having nothing to eat. Pissed for weeks at me.

2)

I was quite the avid game player on Sundays. Liked playing Warcraft 3. Actually bought the original so I could play online. She bought the game too. Before the conflict between me and her, I asked her what she did on Sunday when we met in camp.

She replied: I was waiting for your call on Sunday to play together online.

3)

I kicked a beetle which was in my way and boy was it humongous. She was pissed for weeks at me.

4)

She claimed she shared swimming trunks with Holland Hunk unknowingly and protested her innocence with hands held up high. Sagacious but sorry not accepted.

5)

She asked her friends (esp the ones who knew those who avoided her) to “Choose a Side”.

6)

Blood spotted on her underwear. Hahaha. Can’t resist. This one’s purely a joke. The rest of the blog is true :D

My affinity with gays even started in Maris Stella Primary School. There was this guy who was infatuated with me. Recess was always a drag. Running from class to canteen, to field, to atrium then to the toilet cubicle on the first floor seemed routine. Thanks for holding him back when I needed the extra help Furong, Alvin and Johnathan!

Why I attract gays? Can someone please give me a plausible reason.

Ps:

See? I promised to put this up didn’t I! Its just a matter of time for you all to relish in it!
After this, please never remind me of her again THANKS. I can’t delete the files from my right brain fast enough.

Jogging + Lunatics = Blog Time!

2005-04-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i find it really ridiculous.

Even jogging has its fair share of idiocy.

Normally, i jog around 4 times a week at Pasir Ris Town Park. Bah.. can't say normally. I only started like two weeks ago. I got so bored on one fine evening, uploaded my favourite rock into my portable mp3 player, put on the brand new army sports shoes which i bought before i ORD-ed, and started torturing myself.

During this short period, there are three types of aliens i encountered.

1) The Obstinate Mule

There was this burly guy with a beer belly, accompanied with two women. As usual, i was jogging closely on the left side of the track. The man was carrying a shitload of shopping bags for the girls and he slung them over his right shoulder. I stamped my feet rather heavily with each step, hoping they would notice. Obviously the three of them saw me. The girl beside him was even nudging him with her elbow. But NO! The guy just adamantly refuse to budge!

"Ok lor."

I'm not gonna ruin my momentum by hopping over to the muddy grass and rejoin the track. No way.

So i trotted past his right, bumping his shoulder and shopping bags in the process.

"Did i just hear a sickening crunch?"

Sounded like something cracked. Maybe it was the plastic bag.

I turned my head 180 degrees ala Exorcist style.

The guy was trying to catch flies in his mouth i swear.

2) The Pompous Prick

This second idiot must have been too traumatised in army resulting in his stagnant level in maturity. Hes a middle-aged chinese man clad in white shorts and singlet, running in the opposite direction as me around the park. I was heading for my 2nd round out of 4 before i stop torturing myself. This particular clown was about 5 metres away from me when he started this sudden harmonic pumping of fists. Then he looked in my direction, flashed his million dollar smile and said "Come on you can do it!". He picked up his speed while passing by me.

"Woah. Challenge si bo?!"

I opened my stride.

"I can't really run but i just can't forget his irritating twitch of his moustache. What arrogance."

Everytime i pass by him, he will flash his pearly whites at me.

3rd... 4th... 5th...

"i was dying and was onto my 6th round instead of stopping at the intended four.."

Then i spotted him making a dash across the bridge canal, heading home most possibly.

Woohoooo. I stopped.

I know i'm being really childish too but I tell you that guy really asking for it.

I knew i would definitely "lose" out because his breathing was consistent throughout unlike my heavy panting.

Nonetheless i felt triumphant.

I don't care what you think.

3) The Naked Nitwits.

Every now and then, when i'm doing my cooldown at the fitness corner of the park, there will be this group of topless "monkeys" fooling around with the pull-up bar and log lifts.

A few days ago, i was doing some stretching and walking in circles round the roundabout in the fitness corner. This group of teens, 3 guys and a girl, were resting under a small pavilion shelter.
Well. The three topless monkeys spotted me looking at their friend, who wasn't that much of a stunner anyway.

"Come on man. I just took a glance ok."

Stupidity is prevalent in my estate. The monkeys stood up and stared at me while i continued my cooling down.

Not that i was scared since i was more than a match for any of them but i didn't want any unnecessary trouble. I just wanted to do my sit-ups and get home in time for my apple juice.

Each time i laid down after a completed sit-up, i had this eerie thought of a knife crashing down onto my face. These days you never know =

Switched to doing crunches instead.

But i didn't linger for long.

Maybe next time when i go jogging, i'll wear a sign that says "Wild animal on the loose". That way, i'll look even more menacing and won't have to face jerk-offs.

Maybe tomorrow.

Hair, Insecticide and Maturity.

2005-04-20T01:09:00.000-07:00

I’m considering getting a hair cut soon.

Damn it. I dread hair cuts.

It always turns out too short and I have to wait a couple of weeks before I find my hair length to be presentable again.

And it doesn’t help that I spend about 100 bucks on my hair just shortly before April. Some shampoo and conditioner from Japan. Wow?

But I admit its really good though my hair texture really sucks. It starts to get curly after reaching a certain length.

Say…

_____________________________________

Yep. About this length. I keep commenting on my younger brother’s good hair quality nowadays. Hes like the ONLY one in the family that has the smooth silky hair! Even my mum and sis has wavy hair. Ick.

I remembered my photos when I was a toddler that I had really nice fine black hair. What a contrast to the brown wiry hair I have now.

The ah bengs of my time all desired long coloured blonde hair complete with a hanging fringe, preferably long enough to be sucked while waiting for your pasta. I was also one of the stupid people.

Anyway, I think in the few weeks ahead, I’ll try to find some time to go to a good hairstylist who can make me walk out feeling fully satisfied with my money’s worth.
Anyone got any recommendations? I’ve got suggestions ranging from Shinji matsuo in wisma… monsoon in tampines century square… to neighbourhood type sleazy saloons.

Shinji = $25.00
Monsoon = $19.90
Sleaze = $14.00+

God. Give me a decision I won’t regret.

For more trivia, yesterday when I bathed around midnight in the kitchen toilet, my mum supposedly saw some buzzing mosquitoes outside the toilet door. Without hesitation, she happily grab the can of insecticide she keeps inside the cupboard and started spraying like no tomorrow. I assure you that she sprayed the fucking can for 5 seconds at least.

You can guess the rest.

I didn’t know which to cover first, my mouth or my nose.

Yeah I know I got two hands can cover both but have you ever seen anyone doing that?

No right?

SO,

I no choice, soap body, rinse, brush teeth, came out in 5min.

First time I use shampoo and shokobutsu at the same time. Multi-tasking is so fun.

If a video of what I did was sent to Singapore’s Home Videos, the top prize would be unanimous.

Coming out of the toilet, I wondered if my IQ became that of a retard after 5 min.

Nah.

I could still spell “C-A-T” and knew the person in the kitchen was the person who gave birth to me.

Surprisingly, I held my cursing breath and went straight into my room.

Wahhhh.

Mature liao.

Tomorrow throw away Lego.

My wish for you.

2005-04-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about people i've met, acquainted or been close to.

My work, my previous schools, my home.

I wish D**** would snap away from his beliefs.

I wish B** would find his desired direction soon.

I wish S***** would be rid of foul.

I wish Y.B** would free himself from "claustrophobia".

I wish R****** would be more of a thinker.

I wish R*** has found her man.

I wish M**** cheers up.

I wish N*** is having a good time in Sg in contrast to what happened in Aust.

I wish M*** don't take the chance for granted.

I wish G***** don't bug me anymore.

I wish A**** is happy dancing.

I wish C**** family affairs improves.

I wish E***** exams go smooth.

I wish X**** get rid of "life's fallacies".

I wish W*** stop procrastinating.

I wish W***** puts the past behind.

I wish Z******* change.

I wish C**** enjoys her work.

I wish Q**** be conscientious in future pursuits.

I wish D***** lets go of personal grievances.

I wish T*** gets better from illness.

I wish M** be less egoistic.

I wish H**** cope with stress overseas.

I wish T***** finds what he wants to in people.

I wish T******* doing well in the shop.

I wish J*** knows my intentions.

I wish J**** found her dream of mass communications.

I wish J****** earns his share.

I wish K**** mature fast.

I wish K*** is not lost.

I still remember you bucky.

Your words still ringing in my ears!

Thanks for everything.

I love duck rice too by the way ^_^

My one and only toilet.

2005-04-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

Out of excitement, instead of placing the toothbrush onto the holder, it slips and falls into the toilet bowl.

The joke’s on you when you are bathing halfway and you realize the shampoo bottle’s empty.

It’s very hard to tell if the tiled floor is wet with water or urine.

Wiping before sitting becomes a compulsory affair if you are sharing toilets.

Laziness of others caused me to reach out my hand in vain for the box of toilet rolls hanging on the wall.

Getting interrupted during a crap makes me a parrot. “WHAT!”

People do not realize that when the lights on, that there ARE people using the loo. They knock incessantly till you convert kinetic energy of facial wincing into sound energy.

Nothing beats the sight of un-flushed orange liquids.

Every guy should learn how to aim properly in school.

Once, in order to save water, I pooped into an un-flushed toilet. Next thing I know, I’m holding the manual pumper.

A broken lock leads to embarrassing situations.

Don’t bathe when mum’s washing the dishes or clothes. Water flow from your showerhead becomes intermittent, and you start doing cha-cha.

Always remember to bring 4 sets of clothing before you bathe. Anything less than 4 on your hands means you’re missing some item.

Don’t open any closed toilet seat. If not the responsibility is on you not the other guy.

Always allow 10-15min of quarantine after every confirmed poop before entering.

Squishing ants with toes while taking craps can be morbidly fascinating.

Don’t drop Hiroshimas and Nagasakis in case of unwanted backlash.

Every man looks at their by-products before getting rid of them.

You hate it when someone beats you to your toothbrush.

Don’t tell anyone about your childish antics of soaping toilet floor and dancing.

Always get used to water temperature using hands first before barging into the mini-waterfall.

Posing trying to look macho in front of a mirror is a daily routine.

It sucks when you have to clean yellow traces off the mirror in order to start proper self-appreciation.

Wank and Shokobutsu look alike. Just clean them all.

CAN MY TOILET GET ANYMORE HAPPENING?

(This entry was triggered by my brother)

Long lost treasures in your drawer.

2005-04-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

Dated 12.22pm Sunday.

I am listening to mp3s sitting on my bed working on my desktop, namely Goo Goo Dolls "Live at Buffalo". Singing along to the tunes of "Iris", "Black Balloon", "Name", "Two days in February". My winamp is set on repeat.

I had the notion of rummaging through my personal stuff to find the long lost notebook that i wrote while i was in Australia ever since i decided to keep a blog. I love writing now. Conveying thoughts into words is engaging. It reminds me of why i exist and how i co-exist.

Ahh.

"Name" is playing...

*fingers off keyboard*

*walks to mirror*

*Sings along*

*Picks up guitar*

*Simulates being John Rzenik*

5 min passes.

I want to regurgitate everything in my beige coloured notebook.

When i was in Australia for holiday, i used to wait for my family to sleep before i feel about in my bag for my trusty 2B pencil and palm-sized notebook and just write about the activities that occur earlier.

Its all word for word. Copied and pasted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 1 : Australia

31st May 2000...... For the first time in my life, I rode on an airplane. Not bad quite fun. Then we rented a car and booked the hotel, Saville, Afterwards, we went to Fremantle city and ate lamb curry rice quite delicious. Weather was cold esp winds. Went to roam perth. Kenna summon, no ticket. Scarborough beach then got lost in traffic. Finally reach hotel. Parents took so long to buy food, got lost again. Ate some chinese food and a whole chicken. Slurp. Went to sleep. End of Day 1.

Day 2 :

Woke up around 8am. Got ready to go out. Breakfast = cup noodles, legg and almond biskits. Went to a wildlife park. A parrot that can talk "hello" and laugh! Rode on camel by my brother and mother. Saw the club. Pizza for lunch. Went to buy some honey from roadside. Bought a lot. Went to Underwater World. Got lost, must ask people helpful. Not bad, many animal presentations : fish, seals, crocodiles etc. Went for dinner, chinese food. Go home, luckily this time quite fast but keep making crazy turns. Back around 7.30pm. Went a bit of marketing around hotel.

Day 3 :

Woke up at 8.30am. Went to Pinnacles after breakfast at home. Bloody long journey to and fro. 250km just to go there. Besides the distance, others all right. Went to roam a hotel andcasino. very high class. When coming the stairs, saw some nice things! Then went back hotel. Tired so sleep and sick also. Btw, went for dinner at a Chinese restaurant "Jumbo restaurant"

Day 4 :

Booked out of Saville around 8 am. Went to Fremantle and after some discussion, went to Rockingham City. During our journey. We ate at Macdonalds and took some photos with ducks, pelicans, seabirds etc. At Mac, I ate the big breakfast and one "bacon & egg" mcmuffin. Big breakfast wasn't that nice but the mcmuffin was great. For lunch, me had chinese food again. We met a friendly chinese man, Mr Wong, think hes from S'pore. Reaching Rockingham, we went to many motels and even a hotel, but all were booked fully or left with 1 vacancy. Luckily we found a nice house, whereby a Australian man was renting his rooms out. Heng!!! if not no where to sleep. He was quite friendly and kind. Well most angmohs are like that so far. Now i understand why T.S said that life's boring here. So in this well-decorated house, i write this little diary with my brother & sister around, while I lie on my bed. I kinda miss...... in fact i miss S'pore quite a bit. (Starting to...) I mean here isn't the place for me. I prefer with chinese people. My health has improved but I still am feverish. My parents went to buy food. Dunno whether to wait for them or sleep, well I guess my discman's make the decision.

Day 5 :

Uneventful. I forgot (actually no chance to write, everybody around!) to write. I remember going to Margaret River, Leeuwin lighthouse. thats all. anyway slept in a cheap motel, $75 a room. Very tidy, although not as good as hotels. Must go out of the room for toilets and bathrooms.

Day 6 :

Woke up about 7.30 - 8 am, ate bacon, eggs, sausages, toast. Went to visit the Jewel caves. Stupendous, absolutely magnificent! Something I have never seen before. Stalactides and stalagmites, so many. There were 'straws', frozen waterfalls, caves(calcium), columns and even a fossil of an animal, I think was a tazmanian tiget. How great it would be if I could explore the cave at my own leisure. It was very adventurous. then we went to leeuwin lighthouse, this time went up. The view was ecstatic. The sea was vast and blue. The place where the oceans meet. The indian and southern ocean. Then we skip lunch, and went to walpole which is quite far, 100 over km. A small town. WE found a backpackers lodging for $50. Very good price although nto as good as the hotels... haha. Theres a billiard table there for $1 per game. My father and brother like it so much, they are playing non-stop. Great to see them so happy. feels great. Feel like joining them but aiyahso many people outside, pai seh. Hope my illness gets better tomorrow. ciao.

Day 7 :

Woke up at 7.40. Wah kau a lot of flam and mucus. Dunno how many times I cough and sneezed xia. We went to have a look at Gloucester tree but my father saw it and said it was dangerous, have to climb the steep slopes. Breakfast was, tuna, cake and bread. After that we aent to Valley of Giants. Treetop walk. Quite thrilling and scary. 40 metres above ground. Then went to Albany via Denmark. We book a whale-watching tour for tomorrow. Saw the blowholes and the Gap. Scary man, like going to fall down. One wrong step, thats it RIP. However view is excellent. Water, waves, rocks. Then we went to a motel (B & B) we earlier booked and got ready to sleep. the toilet very cold. Legs shiver when bathing and also quite "ulu". Bathe hor got a lot of smoke. Very hard to get warm water. Guess tomorrow not bathing there already. Hope tomorrow got alot of whales hehe. Waiting for Sunday to come. 5 days more. Today tuesday.

Day 8 :

Wen to see Mt Clarence View Ok. Breakfast was bacon, 2 eggs, 1 sausage, cereal, orange juice, toasts. Ok Ok. In the tower on the hilltop, my father bargain so much with the owner for the fridge magnets. Before that we went to Whaleworld. Not bad $20. Museum + ships can visit, Saw Harpoons, guns, skeletons, machinery. Then went for Whale-watching. nabeh no whales but a lot of dolphins, about 20. saw a few seals. thats it. Ahh nevermind. Then went for chinese dinner. That meal sucks even more. Ecpensive somemore. Worst Chinese food tasted in Australia. Still the best is the very first one. Ocean Dragon. Then we go swimming pool. Fast swimmers man. Then go motel sleep.

Day 9 :

Had breakfast at 8.15 am. Today considered uneventful. Went to pick seashells along beach or go for a stroll. Father, bro, sis feed the birds again. Sand very fine. Went for a swim. Damn dirty the water. Ate lunch at "Chicken Treat". Woh good man! Shiok! then go for a little walk. Go to a shopping centre (supermarket) look around buy food. Go back motel and eat tuna, Sardines in the room + bread. After eating. I pack bag and got ready for sleep.

Day 10 :

Drove from Albany to Perth via Albany Highway. Found a good motel complete with facilities. Kitchen, toilet etc. Very long journey 410km.

Day 11 :

Went to beach feed birds. Siao man they all. After that go shopping. So bo liao, the shoes sucks, designs very "lan". But we have beef for dinner. Very Shio k. Ate a lot.

Day 12 :

Went beach to feed birds again. Lucky this time is the last. Tomorrow going back to S'pore. shiok! I miss my home, bed, friends. And also shit man, alot of hmk to do. Argh. Must catch up with studies. Went shopping and swimming. Motel's swimming pool too cold so we went to a public one. Well can't wait to go back after two weeks here in Australia. Its been a tiring trip. Guess i need S'pore more haha. Feel S'pore is better leh!? Here life simple, quite boring.

Cya Australia!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was where my little entries ended.

But i still do remember certain stuffs though that wasn't mentioned but remembered till now.

1. At the car rental shop, my little brother keep repeating "You want a muffin i'll get you one". Apparently, he heard the angmoh say that to his toddler boy and he was fascinated by the accent.

2. I remember a cliff with only bars for your handrest. It is indeed scary to even take a photo while leaning on it. My mum panicked and panicked and refuse to let us stand there initially but relented after a few persuasions from my dad. We took a few quick photos. Really quick.

3. On day 3, when i said i saw some nice things, it was actually a really attractive girl who was presumed by me to be from Hongkong. She was with her mum and i was like "wow". Around same age.

4. Places in perth get dark around 5-6pm. We went for dinner close to 8pm one day and realised most were closed. We did find a small cosy cafe selling western food. I paced around waiting for my fish and chips.

5. During a long drive to a certain town, my father said he thought he saw someone sitting on a tree, the tree in question about 3 storeys high. Then he said in quick succession, "mai kua ka ho. Tan jeh si simi spirit lai eh." (Don't see better, later dont know what spirit it is)

6. There was a chinese restaurant "Chopsticks" near my hotel in the first few days.

7. In the motel just before we went whale watching, the landlord told us her daughter (who was cooking and serving bacon) saw a couple of whales just a few days ago.

8. Along Albany Highway, theres tons of shops. I can't forget the dirt cheap imitation shoes.

9. Occasionally, theres a isolated grocery store along the long roads between towns. Theres was a particular one which my dad went in and was impressed with a sign that said "We don't accept credit cause refusal often offends". My dad likes these kinda stuffs. He was joking with the old plump lady for a while about it. I just stood there pressing tomatoes, one got deformed rather badly and i walked calmly away from the area, hoping no one noticed. Only my family in the shop though.

10. Had the experience of viewing how they obtain the honey from man-made honeycombs.

11. There was a point at the later part of the 2 weeks when we couldn't find a proper lodging. I thought we would be stuck in the car and my mum actually contemplated about it. haha.. we found "Bed & Breakfast" in the end at some nearby town.

12. In a dilapidated wooden house for backpackers. The $50 one. The toilet has a picture of a young Elle Macpherson.

13. First time saw my dad played pool. Still can remember the hand placing.

14. I took a picture of a superb sky while driving. Orange and purple.

15. A shop called "Tasty Chicken". But sorry, "Chicken Treat" owns you.

16. A young white couple around 28. The only hot female i saw in Australia. Was at "Tasty chicken"

17. At some asian restaurant i think was Ocean Dragon, the asian waitress with spectacles served us superb "Si-Chuan" styled gourmet. Angmohs ta pao mostly so we the only ones in restaurant. I guess it was the winter or just their lifestyle.

18. I was astonished at the size of their regular packet of beef in supermarkets. Its like the size of my shoulder to elbow.

19. Rented car was spoilt at the end of holiday. Didn't know what happened. But there were exchanges of claims and letters between the company and my dad when we got back in sg. Resolved later. Not sure how.

20. On the first day when we had lamb curry rice, we were a ta too early for the meal to be served. We waited a while while venturing store after store and came back to order it. Rice was rather crunchy and curry rather bland. I can still remember the angmoh young man saying "I'm sorry" when we were told the lamb curry rice was not ready yet. He really really meant it. Thats the difference between Singapore and Western service.

21. I drank a glass of some grass tonic drink. It was good, had a hint of mint in it. Can be found in singapore but have no idea where to get it now.

22. Still remember the dark skies and intermittent traffic on Australias roads.

23. Tour guide for whale-watching was disappointed with the trip. He went in circles again and again even though time was up just in case a whale showed up. He was totally enthusiastic and sincere. Impressed.

24. Thought of setting up char kway teow store in Australia. Possibility of money-making high. But dismissed it rather quickly.

25. Watching the same movie on Singapore Airlines twice. Featuring Ben Affleck. Can'treally remember what movie. Looking for mario game but to no avail on both times.

I'll never have another vacation like this with my family ever again.

Memoirs of a Pasir Ris immate

2005-04-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

1)

The other day I was walking home just after midnight.

During the dreary trudge from White Sands Shopping Centre to my HDB flat, my senses heightened. I was aware of the darkness looming ahead

Not some stupid shit like the fear of ghosts and pontianaks, but rather robbers and banglas. You know the case of Husband abetting a 15 year old boy (100 carat idiot) to murder his wife in return for money? Pasir Ris. Not to mention, my neighbourhood has its fair share of molests, robberies and fights in the past two years.

As I crossed the road junction near “Ah Kun’s Kaya Toast”, I was squinting my eyes a little at the landscape ahead, the void decks of the mansionettes near my block, trying to spot any suspicious characters lurking about in the vicinity.

Ever since I started staying out late, the path home was always incident-less. The feeling is always the same. It comes and goes. First I fear the unknown then afterwards I dismiss it as soon as it surfaces and then I actually become gutsy about it.

Well, so it happened that there was this particular guy sitting on the tiled bench below the manisonettes, which I absolutely must pass if I wanna cut across to my blocks. It was really dark but I could make out the silhouette of a man which seems as though he was staring at me while I walked towards him. His face looks focused on me. Nevertheless, my legs still carried on walking even though a thought suggested I should actually turn back and go the longer 50m track back home.

“Hey, bloody hell you are a 21 year old man leh”

I’m 1.78m tall and has a sizeable body you know.

At about 10m away, I glanced at the person.

“See la. Confirm it’s a sleazy Indian who likes to hang around with the witless maids”

(no pun intended)

It was obvious that he was up to no good sitting there la. I mean, he didn’t look as if he was waiting for someone but rather waiting for a “target”.

Our eyes fixed. But I didn’t return the gaze for long.

“Mai siao la Kenneth. Later no trouble become trouble.”

As I walk past him, his head also turned slowly like my standing fan in my room.

Hahaha. Actually come to think of it. He reminded me of my after-jog back home where there will always be this group of cats who will look at my legs when I take the courtesy to avoid stepping on them. Occasionally, I will go “meow” but most of the time I just diam diam walk off.

So I walked casually past the void deck lift and cut across the garbage dump like very “sud”(Hokkien : Very macho)

On my way past the playground and into the lift, my thoughts went wild.

I smiled slightly.

“Haha… Come try la. Come!”

As the lift made the way up to the ninth floor. Even more madness.

*Pictures the guy*

*Gives him a kick to the stomach frontal shoe-first*

*He pulls out knife*

*Wait for him to strike, then grab his hands and slam against the wall*

*Knife drops and I start my barrage of kicks and punches*

*Guy runs*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2)

I went to the “Pasir Ris Fishing Pond” when I was like 18 years old with my nanny’s daughter and her half angmoh paikia boyfriend. Shes 27 and the guy’s about 29-30 I think.

Half angmoh – Black hair, angmoh face, can speak Chinese, hokkien, English, a bit of Italian, works at some Italian restaurant in Singapore and can spin pizzas with one finger.

Paikia – Last time super juvenile delinquent, smokes, openly spews vulgarities in his damn-funny jokes, “Gaw” (smears) pi-sai (mucus) on the tampines void decks, walks like he owns the road, big bulging biceps.

Excerpt of a conversation:

J (the paikia) to me the 18 yr old:

“Aiya, Ni yi ding shi zuo tian da tai duo shou qiang le lah! Hahaha!”

My nanny’s daughter, R , was around when he said that then quickly added:

“Wey! Don’t teach him wrong thing hor!”

Me (in my mind):

Lan jiao la. As if I dunno.

Me (in real time) :

*Feigns ignorance, mouth tilt one side and open, emitting a low-pitched “huh”*

Anyway back to the overnight fishing.

J had two small fishing rods. For your information, there are two types of domestic fishing rods. One taller than you and the other shorter than you. He got the really short ones. Haha. Woops.

It’s about $25 per rod for overnight fishing. There will be this guy who walks around trying to pounce on anyone who doesn’t pay and tries to fish. After paying, he will stick some sticker on your rod. We only used one rod but J say let me try the second one when the old fuck go away. His words not mine.

R not really into fishing so most of the time she just look at surroundings, go take short walks in the area, examine fishing hooks and bait, signal the boys whenever the fishing rod starts limping etc.

The sound of the line unwinding from the rod and hitting the water is quite an experience. It goes “ZZzzzzzzzzz… plooop!” Then moments later your lighted buoy attached to the bait surfaces and floats.

The first few fish was caught entirely by J. Mainly the fish pond got two types of fish. One is Kim bak lor (Sea bass) and some disgusting looking black fish. J calls it “aw gui” (Hokkien : Black ghost). The difference between kim bak lor and aw gui is that kim bak lor is nicer to eat and looks more handsome. Aw gui also has razor sharp teeth but kim bak lor not much teeth. Suffice to say, everytime we catch kim bak lor, “ka guey gian” (more shiok). The moment we reel the fish close enough to differentiate its type, J will report to us without fail.

For a aw gui, he will say “nabei, zi yei aw gui” (english : f***, one black ghost)

For kim bak lor, he will say “wah kim bak lor! Zi yei jin jia dual eh/ zi yei bo jiak bng eh!” (english : this one very big leh / this one never eat rice leh)

After witnessing several successful catches, I gave it a try. Impaled the dead prawn onto the hook, took a good aim and swinged. Wow. Not hao lian or what but the first fishing attempt was good man! I managed a reasonable distance and felt jubilant watching the buoy bob up and down.

About half an hour later, my line was tugging.

R went “Qui qui qui qui qui… quick!”

I followed what J did in a situation like this. Like I know shit. Turn turn turn… relax…pull up…turn turn turn…. Relax… pull up…When the fish was about 1 metre from the stoned wall, I reached in and grabbed the length of fishing line, getting ready to hoist it up. Haha, it didn’t snap but did on my second catch. Woo shiok.

I watched with my mouth agape at what he did to my fish. An Aw gui. Its quite barbaric. He removed the hook with brutal force and slammed my fish onto the stoned pavement.

“Wah my fish you like that handle.”

Then he stepped on it with one foot and reached for a pair of tweezers. Then he became the dentist from hell. With upper teeth biting onto his lower lip, he removed the aw gui’s
sharp teeth one by one.

“Not only you look barbaric but you really damn barbaric”

Of coz I didn’t say the above two sentences straight to his face.

Bloody heck, this guy is not fat but stout and the fact that I only know him for a few outings and his 1.80+ m frame did not help either.

After all the torment my fish endured, he… took a hook and stick it up its lip again!!!

Hahaha.. wtf. Then he tied the ends of the hook and line onto the fishing rod holder on the ground and threw my fish into the water.

Ah. But I was caught in the excitement already. I was using the second rod like nobody’s business and forgot about the old fuck patrolling around. Strangely enough, he didn’t appear again.

What appeared was an old man presumably drunk. He came up to us in his shorts and slippers.

Drunk : Eh. wu hoon kie bo? (English : Eh. Got Cigarette or not?)

J : Bo la. Le ai kaki buei la. Wa bo liao. (English : Don’t have. You want you buy yourself. I no more.)

Actually he has them in his pockets but which moron will give.

*spots the bottles of soft drink on the ledge*

Drunk : Le ei zui hor wa zi guan lim leh. (English : Your water give me one bottle drink leh)

J : Zi ei zui si zui tao zui lai eh. Toh e ei toilet gia eh, le ai meh? (English : This water is tap water. Taken from toilet. You want meh?)

Drunk walks away.

Woaaahh.

The way J talk.

“Paikia jiu shi paikia, jiang hua bu tong”

R was just looking on, one corner… don’t want trouble… hahaha… me too.

We ended with 14+ fish on the first night.

J tell me to bring my house the BIG rod which I have next fishing outing.

I remember him saying this on the second trip while he used my dad’s bigger rod. Haha, I thinking crazy again.

“Kuai tiang eh dim ga hng la!!!” (English : See whose rod throw further la!!!)

He swung the rod behind and whipped.

Apparently, he was “du lan” (pissed off) during the first fishing outing whereby the other fishers had much bigger rods.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3)

A while back, I had a craving for Burger King’s ham croissant. It is a breakfast only item.

So I tore out the coupon, checked its validity, changed into more-presentable clothing, took my brother’s car keys, slipped into the flip flop slippers, went down the lift and warmed the engine. Long story cut short.

Oh yeah don’t forget my CD. My brother’s car cannot play mp3 sadly so I had to make do with “Beyond” ‘s album.

It was my first time driving my brother’s car after getting my licence. Normally I go with my dad’s Toyota or whatever the car brand is.

So I inserted the cd, drove out of my parking lot and realized to my horror. The fucking car got no power-steering!? I have to turn with FORCE! I calmed myself down.

“Relax.. Every car is the same.. furthermore you are 21 now”

I left my parking entrance at a snail’s pace.

I was just beside the fitness corner’s road junction preparing to turn right towards NTUC Pasir Ris Resort.

I released my clutch to biting point…bla bla bla.. and stepped on the accelerator.

WTF.

Car doesn’t move. No vroom sound heard. And I was out of my lane already. Great.

Restarted engine. Repeated the clutch accelerator crap and the car came back to life.

“Heng ah knn”

Driving at 30km/h along the road outside NTUC, I switched off the hot-air air con to compensate for power and avoid suffocating myself. I wound down the window.

Reaching the carpark beside the last bus 354 bus stop, there were only like a few lorries and a handful of parked cars around. Naturally I chose a shady spot, away from bird bombs from trees and lamp posts.

“Eh? How come my accelerator step liao bo siah?!” (no sound)

Best! Engine mati again and this time my car still moving.

Lucky I at carpark liao and no cars around to pressure me.

I parked without restarting my engine and only applying brake to the present speed my car possessed.

Super long queue at Burger King. *Grumble*

Lucky the trip back home was ok. Although the car was sizzling hot.

Ate the burger.

I must have died and gone to heaven.

During the night I asked my brother what the fuck was wrong with his car.

Bro : “Orh the battery weak liao.”

Me : “Now then you tell me.”

My brother only uses the car on weekends, he takes the mrt to work.

The stupid F.I.A.T car is now sitting almost every weekday afternoon in the sun getting skin cancer.

And did I mention to engage reverse gear, you have to press the gear down and shift... if not it doesn’t lock?

Well I just did.

Music that calms your soul.

2005-04-15T03:21:00.000-07:00

This is a touching track by John Powell who is credited mostly for composing movie themes.

Try this.

1) Close your eyes.

2) Relax and stop whatever you're doing.

3) Play it.

Its 3.52 min long.

Lovely isn't it?

=)

Creepy car advert

2005-04-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

"This is a car advertisement from somewhere. When they finished filming the ad, the people who made it noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist, they also heard weird noises. The ad was never put on TV because the unexplained ghostly phenomenon frightened the production team out of their wits. Watch it and about halfway look and you will see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road and you will hear the weird noises. . . spooky!

Do you see the mist and hear any noises?

A walk back into 1997.

2005-04-12T20:25:00.001-07:00

Tuesday 7.15pm

I just came back from my evening jog.

I bathed after a brief breather.

Its close to 8pm now. Well, had nothing on my hands and with time on my side, i was just listening to my favourite mp3s when my computer went "Ding ding". It was my BitComet announcing that one of my movies has just finished its download. Clicking twice, i realised the movie was "Good Will Hunting".

This was a film released in 1997 and i watched it when i was 13 and was very impressed with the show on all ends. I loved the dialogue, acting, flow of the storyline and most of all; I was so in awe of the brilliant performance put up by Robin Williams. Coming in a close second was Matt Damon. The rest of the acting was O.K.

When I first watched the film in the cinema, mind you I was 13 at that time, hence I couldn’t make out some of the plot and thematic elements of the movie. Although I could grasp the gist of the overall story, I was missing the bits and pieces of rapid-conversations, occidental colloquialism that made this film such a masterpiece really.

This film just blew me away and I feel compelled to share this with others so here I am…

*Spoilers*

Will Hunting (Matt Damon) is a genius in mathematical aspects. Thus, he could solve puzzles and theories that a professional could take in years to prove. He’s gifted but is constantly haunted by his dreadful childhood of abuse and mistrust. So much so, his troubled past has inculcated a sense of self-defense mechanism in him which the movie script so accurately dictates. For the last 20 years of his life, he was a rebellious, directionless and disheveled kid always getting arrested for rioting on a regular basis along with his three junkie buddies. Life was a day-by-day motion with him passing the night away by reading informative books or drinking and clowning around with his 3 mates. During the day, he’s a janitor at the most prestigious technological university of Boston.

It is here that other supporting characters are introduced into the movie.
Gerald Lambeau ( Stellan Skarsgard ) is a renowned maths professor who won the most coveted prize for a mathematician, the Fields Medal. This accolade of the highest honour and accomplishment is only conferred once every 4 years. Needless to say, he was branded as a intelligent individual who pushed for greater greatness beyond what he had achieved and a tad of arrogance to go along with his determination.

And so it happened during one fateful day when Prof. Gerald caught Will scribbling answers on the discussion board situated along the corridors of the school’s lecture premises. Remember, Will was just a janitor who wrote the answers to one of the most challenging and complicated theories ever proven. Apparently, Will has an interest in complex physics and math which was such a contradiction of his dead-end job. I was really struck by the way he wrote formulas using markers on his mirror screen.

And so it came to a point when Prof. Gerald’s influence and reputation helped enabled a probation order placed on Will instead of him serving time. Two conditions : One, Prof. Gerald will take him under his wing and keep him under supervision. Two, he attends psychological therapy.

As I said before, Will is obstinate, volatile, independent, frank and mischievous at times. That practically sums up everything. So its only forthcoming that every therapist he meets refuses to counsel him after initial meetings. Until he met Sean Maguire (Robin Williams).

Sean Maguire was a college room mate of Prof. Gerald. Due to certain differences and misconceptions about each other in the past, they eventually fell out with each other and the friction can still be felt when the two converses but its so subtle its not impossible to miss. Sean is a qualified counselor for 20 years and had never come across any case that resembles anything remotely to Will. In desperation to motivate Will to reach for greater heights in success, Prof. Gerald turned to his once-buddy Sean.

They definitely chose the best man as a psychologist for this movie. Robin William’s facial expressions, mannerisms and image was so convincing and logical its surreal. There’s just this kindness in his smile that I was mesmerized by. I can’t think of a better actor for his role other than him.

The futility in beginning stages of the interaction between Will and Sean was expected. Will was treating the session with a pinch of salt and never willing to divulge any personal details which breached his own borderline of privacy. Only the already filed and known facts like childhood background and previous jobs undertaken, never the answers to Sean’s questions on his inner thoughts.

Prior to this, Will was in the midst of seeing a young university medical student, Skylar, played by Minnie Driver. This was also a topic that Will refused to share and acknowledge to Sean. Will met Skylar in a pub while going for the usual nights out with his croonies. Chuckie (Ben Affleck), who was one of his mates, tried to hit on Skylar before getting interrupted by one of Skylar's admirers. The harvard-university guy threw a barrage of history questions at Chuckie since Chuckie introduced himself as a history student to Skylar. As expected, Chuckie was at a loss for words till Will stepped in. Using quick wit and his photographic memory of what he read before, he could reiterate whatever questions imposed by the other guy. Will could even finish parts of sentences for him and state the page number, book title etc.

Skylar gave Will her number.

This part is awesome. Will and gang left the pub and spotted the guy lounging in a restaurant. He walked up to the glass wall beside the guy and vociferated:

"Do you like apples??"

"Err... yeah?" (look of unbelief at the question)

Will, stamping the slip of paper with Skylar's number on it onto the glass, then said:

"Well I got her number. How do you like them apples!!!"

Rofl.

Clueless? Refer here.

How do you like them apples

Then came a point whereby Sean was triggered by what Will said to him in the first counseling session. Sean, whose office had a painting of a man on a boat rowing furiously against the waves and gales, was questioned by Will himself as to why the picture was there as it is, seemingly out of place for a office plainly furnished otherwise filled with all categories of countless books. Will said that the painting depicted a man so helpless in the obstacles he face in life he struggles to keep up, and proceeds to assume that perhaps the “storm” was caused by Sean marrying the wrong woman in life.

For your information, Sean’s wife has already passed away 2 years ago due to a terminal illness, it wasn’t mentioned what it was. And Sean LOVED his wife deeply. Even in death, he can’t let go of her memory. Under many instances do we see his undying devotion. His twice repeated response to Will’s remarry option was “My wife’s dead.” His recount of his marriage in a chapel, his wife’s bedridden days and their first ever meeting in a bar before he decided to miss the football game of the century. And I quote:

“I don’t regret the 18 years I was married to Nancy. I don’t regret the 6 years I gave up counseling when she got sick. I don’t regret the last years when she got really sick.”

Oh man.

Friendship was nurtured overtime through Sean’s life experiences which seemed applicable to Will since he was trying to come to terms with commitment in which he was afraid of rejection and loss. I quote again and this is from Sean to Prof. Gerald:

“He pushes people away before they have a chance to leave him!”

As you can see, Prof. Gerald’s idealization and hopes for the bewildered Will differs so much from Sean’s intention of guiding Will to do what makes him happy and contented no matter what he chooses for his path in life, that is, to follow what his heart tells him and not what Prof. Gerald wants him to pursue.

The story progresses whereby Will is caught in a dilemma of accepting Prof Gerald’s proposition of being a top-notch professional in the areas of science and technology or going after the one thing that eluded him in life. Love. And Love had retreated to California following a heated quarrel and acted-on-impulse separation.

Not long after, the best scene of the movie arrives. Will happen to chance upon the confrontation of Sean and Prof. Gerald regarding the boy’s future. It was their supposedly last session before a report will be handed to the authorities stating whether Will could be vindicated by law or to serve time for his folly (assault).

Will was orphaned since a child and was abused by his foster father. A very clichéd story detail but it fits well. At this point, Sean was convinced as to where the answers to the equivocal uncertainties of Will’s life lie. Reinforced by the fact that Sean himself had similar experiences of physical abuse as a child, saying that his alcoholic father would come home drunk and he would deliberately provoke his father just so he can direct attention away from his mother and little brother, Sean could relate realistically and he reassured Will several times, saying “It’s not your fault”. From dismissing the remark through laughter and a shove to Sean telling him not to fuck with him (his mind). He broke down. Two grown men hugged and cried as the scene faded.

My interpretation of this emotional outburst from Will was that Will blamed himself for what he had encountered in his convoluted childhood and thus shunned from affection. What Sean said was exact, genuine and sincere in addition to his steadfast friendship and guidance.

So now the onus was on Will to make the decision in his life.

.
.
.

He went to California.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s so amazing what trust and encouragement resulting from mutual friendship can work for a person.

Perhaps it is this movie that got me aroused in my interest in psychology. Who knows?

Definitely one of my favourite inspirational movies of all time.

Everytime and sometimes.

2005-04-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

Sharing a room with your elder brother is so eventful, sometimes its excruciating.

Everytime you are on msn or writing blogs, he takes a sneaky peek at your monitor and you instinctively shift your mouse cursor to the "x" or "-" at the top right hand corner.

Everytime you surf net, you try your best to avoid reading articles or viewing pages which MAY or MAY NOT contain suggestive pictures or themes.

Everytime you use a faster computer, be prepared to give it up once you see him lingering around you.

Everytime he wake up, you wake up miraculously.

Everytime he brings snacks into the room, prepare to change your nationality and accent to that of a filipino or indonesia. Difference being, money is not a question.

Everytime he drags his butt into the room, the fan gets dislodged out of position. Apparently the wall feels hotter than me.

Everytime you want some peace and quiet behind closed doors, you put yourself in danger of a series of sudden heart attacks.

Everytime you find your clothes missing, first place to look into is the cupboard next to you.

Everytime you see your bed getting all dusty and stained, you become a observant foot specialist.

Everytime you see him playing dynasty warriors on the ps2, you feel like tearing your eyes out for the umpteenth time.

Sometimes when you go to sleep, you realise your bolster can become hard or soft. Next morning, when you do a "touch test" on your brother's bolster, you realise you've been trading salivated huggies unwilling since the last few years.

Everytime he starts storytelling, your amenable smiles and nods are your best friends no matter how many yawns you make.

Sometimes you off the light before bedtime, the room goes "Oei".

Everytime you change your clothes, you only expose your legs underneath the cupboard door. Nothing more.

Everytime he change his clothes, you tend to focus elsewhere instead of where the sun don't shine.

Everytime it rains, your brother being in the room or not doesn't matter. First thing you do when you come back home is to change the bedsheet.

Everytime you see pubic hair, not necessarily its yours.

Everytime you hang your jeans up, it ends up being a floor rag.

Everytime you see feel something crawling on your skin, most probably the ants are looking for their master's supper last night.

Everytime when you open your drawer, your underwear and towels seem to disappear mysteriously.

Everytime you leave "amos" cookies beside your wallet, few hours later you spot the wrapping in the bin.

Everytime you smell something funny when he is present in the room, walk out of the room asap with no questions asked.

Sometimes when you sweat, its not the weather. Its looking for the misplaced tv remote control.

Everytime you laugh in front of the computer, a person stares at you.

How wonderful.

You Cockroach!

2005-04-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

Its bound to appear somewhere or somehow in my blog.

Normally i diss idiots who piss me off into the dustbin or into some obscure region of my brain.

But my irritating-o-meter says this guy takes the cake.

1)

Pretending to know everything but in fact he knows nothing. I MEAN NOTHING. For every "fact" you claim to exist, a Devil gets its horns. Just STFU already!!! Your lies are so blatant it makes me cringe and reinforces the fact you have degraded to a scum.

2)

Can't get over the I'm-Cool-Syndrome. A poseur acting cool is akin to watching a cockroach learning how to fly. Please just fug off with your satirical comments on issues that irritate me SO much. Anti-climax punk. I bet you can't hold an erection. Go wank in the little corner where i pee when you get home.

3)

Downplaying someone else in a pathetic attempt to let others know you are not more of a loser than you already are. Guess what. You failed TERRIBLY!!! Judging by the indifferent look in their faces, surely you can tell they are just being agreeable??? OR are you such a oblivious prick who derives morbid pleasure out of annoying others with your incessant groundless blabber!? NEVER poke fun at my friends/me EVER again coz your maturity level is just about that of an ant and you aint even worth my rebuttal breath.

4)

Stop whining!!! If something we/others say about you bothers you so much you can't sleep at night then go fug yourself. Its people like you who give me headaches and nightmares. You only bring misery to yourself and you only rub it in more by lamely acting all nonchalant about it and giving your version of i-dont-give-a-damn attitude but in fact you are having a hard time accepting it. Why CAN'T you just LISTEN and CHANGE for the BETTER?? As you can see, your life is getting nowhere so that should say something.

Then again, i doubt if you would ever realise coz you were blinded since a teenager by the very ego that ONLY YOU can visualise.

I could squish you like a bug anytime in retaliation to your witless and baseless accusations or insults directed towards my friends/me but i wont. If not for the others that day, i might have laid my virgin punch on you just to wake you the fug up.

Nah.

Just dont cross my path again in the future. Or there will definitely come a day you regret it and it will be too late for you.

Song of the Week.

2005-04-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss - Whiskey Lullaby

(Brad)

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night.

Chorus:

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her 'til I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

(Both)

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.

(Alison)

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
Until the night.

Chorus (Both) :

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.

--- Instrumental ---

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.

--- Instrumental ---

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la...

(Courtesy of www.letssingit.com)

Sad but oh so full of insight and emotions. I love it.

Weddings Ahoy!

2005-04-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

Just last Saturday night, yet another wedding of another relative... Its like my third wedding dinner in the past two months! Is it that auspicious a period?

1)

My Army Buddy

This friend of mine was my fellow lifeguard in tekong. Hes 24 and his wife is 29 i think. Anyway, i was helping him out as one of his 4 ushers, while another friend of mine was the emcee. hahaha kevin you rock! At first when i arrived early for the preparation, kevin was telling me that i might have to become the emcee instead coz he wasn't feeling that well. I shrieked. Straightaway, i said "Now then you tell me?!" I was so unprepared for it. Anyway i told him he better do it instead coz i didn't read the script beforehand and don't have such a sexy husky voice like him, the latter being a joke.. Luckily, he felt better after a drink and went ahead with it and delivered just perfect. I was thinking to myself when he gave speeches... "This isn't the 19 year old kevin anymore!" I thought to myself and gave him a well deserved thumbs up later on..

There were several times when we were given the cue to stand and welcome the bride and bridegroom. Oh yeah, there was this hyperactive over-enthusiastic photographer who actually came with two boxes of party poppers! haha.. he "became" the main organiser and requested for the help of many other guests to help "pop" the poppers along the aisle.. This 40+ guy is young at heart! He told us to tie two poppers together and each person would take two tied-up bunches. He then proceeded to mime us the actions of popping 4 at a time with one hand.. This guy's level of excitement is off the charts i tell you! hes virtually bouncing around throughout the whole wedding occasion.. makes me laugh just to think of his antics.

So the finale came when the pouring of wine, exchange of rings, a lovely kiss was over.. Whats next then you say? YAM SENG of coz!

My table was the most crazy with most of his army buddies seated there. So what should we do with our beloved brother's last night of freedom??? We ordered 12 glasses of red wine and 2 martel! Let the fun begin ha! We told him that two glasses had ribena instead of red wine and if he chose a ribena glass, then game over = Stop drinking!

One glass.. two.. three.. four.. he wasn't a very good drinker.. his wife actually helped him with one or two glasses and the finished toll was at 6 or 7 i think when we decided to go easy on him heh heh. He took it like a man and tried his utmost best to shrug off any signs of drunkedness but the damage was done? hahaha...

Soon after dessert was served, most guests made their leave and all that remained were us his buddies, his colleagues and a few of his closer outside friends. We gave him a last toast and gave them our blessings. Soon thereafter, the gang and i went our separate ways home..

Hmm.

After-thoughts? Well, this friend of mine who got married got hitched just before entering army. Ever since i stepped into the lifeguard office with him as my senior, he has been a great inspiration to me. Sure, we had our share of differences and quarrels along the way but nothing severe enough to dent our friendship or rather, we would always be rational, talk things over and thus resolve any bad blood. Needless to say, he was one of my closest friends in army and after he ORD-ed, honestly life just wasn't the same as before. Something was missing. Thankfully, my time was nearing too and 5 months down the road i was discharged from army.

Well, Johnson if you're reading this, I hereby wish from the bottom of my heart that you will lead a meaningful and happy life forever. Your calmness under pressure has always impressed and motivated me in a way you never knew. I hope you carry on doing what you do best and your legacy has found a place in my fond memories.

2)

My Mum's Elder Brother's Son Marriage

This occasion didn't really left any impression in me. Mainly because, my family tends to associate with my father's family side much more since i was just a kid. Also, i was brought up by my grandmother (My dad's side) at Katong till i was 12 and moved into my parent's home in Pasir Ris. Even during Chinese New Year, i can only recall myself visiting my mum's side only about twice in the last decade or so.

Suffice to say, everyone around me including my table looked totally foreign to me haha..
In fact, so little was known of my family's background that even though i'm 21 already, most of the relatives from my mum's side didn't realise i was actually the toddler running around in the backyard of their houses years ago.. Somehow it is strange i know but this is the way things are. Hopefully the unfamilarity will lessen after this brief introduction and the day will come whereby i can greet every elder correctly according to their household positions of the family tree in hokkien.

3)

My Dad's Sister Son's Marriage

Ahh. I felt more at home and at ease in this dinner at this restaurant in HarbourFront. My elder brother drove our family to the place coz my dad was away in Malacca. The ambience was astounding compared to the previous dinner i attended. Maybe due to its western feel and design on the whole.

We were ushered to our tables and all of us wondered who would be the next family to join us. haha.. Apparently my dad doesn't "communicate" well with his brother and this indirectly created sort of a rift between his family and mine.. Actually being the younger generation that we are, my siblings and myself included have nothing against the sons/daughters of my dad's brother's.. so we do talk once in a while.. Furthermore, all of them are around our age-ranges too so we relate and communicate better in a way too.. haha.. we let the adults settle their differences themselves.

Much to my mum's delight, our tables were timely occupied by another of my dad's brother's family. Only this time, this family is considered the most sociable and friendly so we were in fact glad to have them as company. Throughout the feast, my mum was seen chatting heartily to my uncle's wife about cookery and work-related issues while me and my brother had conversations with my uncle about life's happenings, computer grievances, job scopes and swimming techniques.. my uncle's kids (3 daughters in primary school) and my younger brother and sister
just gobbled whatever that was brought before them and kept relatively quiet..

"Dang dang dang DANG!"...

Music soared and lights dimmed. I was trying to appreciate the moment when the sight of a glamourous lady strode down the aisle alone. Ooooh. The bride. She looked gorgeous but one thing i didn't understand was, why the groom didn't walk hand-in-hand like any other typical traditional weddings?? I was puzzled and questioned my mum about this disparity. She replied "dunno leh" heh.. could tell she was deep in thought judging by the look on her face.

The groom was on stage all ready to welcome her arrival. My cousin was beaming the entire night so much so, he actually brightened up the room literally. I could almost feel what love and happiness felt like for him. I envied him for being where he was in life. From a magic-conjurer-entertainer during Chinese New Year into a mature loving husband overflowing with a plethora of joy and accomplishment.

Life moves so damn fast, i can't wait for my very own Big Day!

While the bride and groom were interlocking their hands together in a show of their mutual love during the immaculate act of drinking from the martini glass, i cant help but admire the divine show of commitment. Everyone stood and applauded. I was just standing there clapping and gazing at the beauty of everything and imagined myself going through the process of marriage, how i would make it memorable for me and my loved one, and what would i do when the time comes.. I'd love to sing on stage a very special song to my other half and i do indeed have a song in mind although i'm lights years away still :)

*Dream Away!!!*

Crude but Funny!

2005-04-05T03:09:00.000-07:00

All of the secretaries in my office were called in to an important personnel meeting. On my way to the meeting, I noticed one of the secretaries was still sitting at her desk, and I asked why she wasn't on her way to the meeting. She complained that her printer wasn't working. I tried to help her by fiddling around inside and we discovered a pen stuck inside the printer.

The secretary started to jam her fingers down in to the printer to get the pen, but I told her we didn't have time for that now as the boss was expecting us all in the meeting. I told her to just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then we could report it to the Help Desk after the meeting. So she grabs a piece of paper and starts scrawling on it.

I left before she finished the note but when we came out of the meeting, I passed her desk and got a good laugh. I then ran to my car to get my camera and took a pic of the note.

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Who says guys dont cry?

2005-04-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

My tear glands are rather active for a guy.

Being a 21 year old like myself, i still become all teary-eyed and salty when i...

1) Sit back. Relax. Recall. Rationalise and/or Regret.

Certain things that happen in my life that i dont want to relive... memories i want to forget... memories worth keeping... how much of a spoilt brat i was... how much my parents doted on me...The motion of going through school life...
just too many really...

If only i was a 1 trillionth gig of living Pentium.

2) Movies and songs alike.

I vividly remember watching a taiwanese talkshow when i was like 18. I cant really remember if i was in army already or not. Anyway, this talkshow was about the hardships of two disabled people whose zest for life moved me tremendously.

It was a dreary sunday morning which nothing much to do. I switched my tv on and took up the remote and did my 10 second quickie of pressing buttons...

I saw a man with a walking stick with sunglasses.

It intrigued me.

Straightened my lips, tilted my head slightly and just watched.

5 min into the interview, i blinked.

i blinked again..

and again..

and yet again..

I was in a state of shock at what i was witnessing on tv and the trickle of a fluid down my cheeks woke me.

It was the first time i cried without even noticing the reaction in me.

It just flowed and dripped on my marble floor.

i bawled like a baby in my locked room.

The scene was just too much for me to take.

Two blind men...

Both their lives were re-enacted based on the realities of their different phases in life. They were both around 60-70+ when they were introduced.

1)

The first guy wasn't born blind. At the tender age of 16, he played with fireworks and it exploded in his hands, scarring his eyes in the process and thus lost his sight.While recuperating in hospital, he was all the way blindfolded to avoid infection externally. When the time came for his bandage to be removed, he kept his cool but feared for the worst. Well, the worst happened.The scene of him breaking down in front of the nurse and weeping was just too dramatic and i cried and cried for him. The story goes on about him throwing tantrums at nurses trying their utmost best to calm him down everytime, till most of them "gave up" literally and left him to sort his thoughts out.It so happened that during his last month or so, a nurse personally volunteered to encourage him. She checked on him regularly much more often than other nurses, took time to chat with him and taught him the techniques of using walking aids. Slowly but surely, he began opening up, became more jovial and started to accept the abrupt aberration in his future.Shortly before he left, he left fond memories in other patients by his performances of reading plays using Braille (A method of reading by means of using sense of touch) but more importantly his courage in facing his difficulties touched others in a way no words could ever describe. I mean, this person mustered whatever dignity and confidence he had left in him and picked up where he left off!

What influence/actions can measure up to this?

He later became a musician.

2)

The second guy was born blind. Since he was BORN, this person had been living in perpetual darkness for god's sake. He mentioned scenarios whereby he questioned about colour, faces and people etc when he was still a toddler. He seeked answers all his youth but never once got any radical/honest answers to his doubts and inquisitions.To exacerbate matters, the family(His uncle and aunt) who took him in after he became homeless forced "Cinderella" on him. He only had leftovers to eat, was beaten up for trivial mistakes and he slept in the stables where pigs reside. And yes. His parents abandoned him at birth. As he entered his early 10s, his infinite queries of life and desire to escape from daily abuse drove him to a desperate decision.The ultimatum of running away. He mentioned that the fact he was exploited to no end, not allowed to rest till wee hours of morning amidst smells of manure and physical abuse was nothing compared to the verbal defamation of his own parents. And so, one day while everyone slept, he carried out what he had devised in the earlier months, that is, grabbed his tree branch and started walking.

Well, with no money and no food, armed with the only directions he had from eavedropping on vague conversations, it was a miracle he ventured into the city he only heard of. He collapsed in exhaustion somewhere on the city outskirts. What happened thereafter was magical. He was found by a family who longed for a child and they treated him like their own. In poverty, they gave him education, shelter and love most of all. I cant remember if it was in his teens or twenties when his foster parents passed away. He mentioned feeling the same self-pity he had of being alone just like what he experienced in the beginning. He lost everything he had in such a short period(they died roughly around the same time), but managed to survive by means of selling acts. He was that independent.

He later became a well-known musician too.

These two extraordinary people were cordially invited over to the show which had a segment whereby a loved one/lost kin/anyone in relation to the individual involved would be located and brought to the show.

Sadly, it doesn't always end up in success.

The first man was looking for the nurse who provided the warmth and changed his bleak outlook in life.The second man was looking for the next-of-kin to his benefactors.

By some stroke of luck and determination, they managed to contact both parties the two men requested for.

The most touching scene ensued.

The sight of them shaking hands and hugging, the blind men asking "Is it really you?", and the tears in their already-red eyes moved me so immensely i cried again for god-knows how many times since the segment played.

I couldn't tell if the blind men were crying behind those shades though.

Point is,

When i'm down or really at my wits end, i tend to look in another direction in life. Be positive and be grateful for what i have and others don't. A method so unpretentious yet effective.

Really.

What is Life? Do you ask yourself that question?

- Meet Joe Black (1998) -

Anthony Hopkins (Bill Parish)
Brad Pitt (Death personified as Joe Black, Fell in love with Susan)
Susan Parish (Daughter of Bill Parish in love with Death)

Bill Parish telling Death about mutual love in a scene where they argue about his daughter about to be taken by Death(Brad Pitt) along with him(Bill who is about to die) :

Multiply by infinity and take it to the depths of forever, you'll still have barely a glimpse of what i'm talking about.

- City Of Angels -

Nicolas Cage (Angel who gives up immortality for love)
Meg Ryan (Doctor who loves Nicolas)

*Spoilers*

Nicolas Cage placing pears from the supermarket into his carrier.
The ongoing music and the ever-so-convincing Nicholas Cage were perfect.

Apparently after Nicholas takes the fall and becomes a mortal to be with Meg, Meg offers Nicholas his first taste of fruit - a pear. Relationship was short lived. Unfortunately Meg died in a cycling incident the next day after Nicholas met Meg after the transformation.

Go watch them if you haven't done so

And

Yep. I admit crying at those parts too..

You will too. Probably more.

A sudden urge

2005-03-30T20:49:00.000-08:00

This just stroke me out of nowhere.

I was humming the tunes of Richard Marx - Now and Forever

Whats this i'm humming? A song i listened to religiously in secondary ONE??!

I still wonder why. Then the impulse of writing the lyrics down hit me like my mum waking me up for booking into army at 5.00am.

I havent heard/sang/seen any of Richard Marx's works in years but heres goes nothing..

Whenever i'm weary,
from the bedows of rain tonight,
you make sense of madness,
and my sanity's hangs by a thread,
i lose my way
but still you seem to understand,
now and forever
i will be your man..

now and i can ask my worries
and always be sure,
that i wont be alone anymore..ore..!
if i only know you were there all the time, All this tii...ime...!

Theres definitely more but somehow it slipped my mind coz a song cant be that short.

Then another crazed thought flashed. I should COMPARE this to the original lyrics of the song!

Wow. Sometimes i amaze even myself the dumbest things i do.

Here.

( Courtesy of www.lyrics007.com )

Whenever i'm weary
From the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
when my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seam to understand
Now and forever I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever I will be you man

Now I can rest my worries
and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If I'd only known you were there all the @me
All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand

Now and forever I will be your man
Now and forever I will be your man

Verdict : Fail!

Now next thing would be to dig up that cd from my dusty drawer.

I'm trying my best to restrain myself.

Sometimes i wish...

2005-03-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

1) I had more knowledge of html and perhaps other types of programming so i can make my blog look more lively. Oh what am i saying! Down with programming!!! *hands shaking + teeth clenched* Yes you got it.. now the tremble.

Hmm, i still would like my blog to be refurbished though. Maybe one of these days when i feel like a smart-as* and actually go find out how to go about Doing it. Yeah right. Then again maybe..

2) Classic hollywood movies start churning themselves out of the factory again! God forbid, but people in hollywood are degenerating into Singapore's tv scene come of late! Every idea/effects/plot/action of recent hollywood blockbusters are just rehashed with hardly any innovation at all. Seems like every show i watch nowadays, it is imperative to have slow-motion film-making visuals! So predictable and repetitive. Argh. Maybe now i'd categorise a movie as a masterpiece if it strays away from current "modern" movie elements. Give us something refreshing like the thriller "The Sixth Sense" or the action of "The Rock" then i'll die a happy man.. no wait.. i think i just wrote something inane.. ahh screw.

Actually, most wouldn't believe it but i do aspire to become a director but its just a illusory dream i have before i sleep each night on my creaking cosy childhood queen-size bed. When it comes to movies, i press my belly button and wa la.. I transform! I quickly grab my glasses and pull my suspenders onto my ears and start entering zombie-mode.

I kinda like to picture myself in the midst of a directing sequence.. haha.. that is directing those overpaid talented actors/actresses and setting up the lighting, camera angle etc. Being in control and lordship over those stars who get their as*ses kissed so much they become more and more J.lo sounds stimulating right! Well it is for me. RETAKE! CUT! KNN!

I was joking about the manipulation of famous actors.. Seriously now. I really desire to create my own movie script, engage Nicholas Cage, Meg Ryan as my leads, proceed to direct it, garner my oscar and recognition.. hahaha.. getting too obscure and far fetched..

ps : Dont get me started on singapoor's media scene. Like Pringles potato chips, once i pop i cant stop.. ranting.. Thats how bad it is. Its been centuries since i last watched an episode of channel 8 "hit" dramas or what they conclude them to be. Its always home affairs home affairs and MORE home affairs!! I worry for my tv coz i feel obliged to smash it with my sledgehammer whenever a local drama starts and my sister becomes glued to it. Kidding.

i wanna stop at 2 wishes but theres no such thing as 2 wishes. Only 3. So here goes..

3) Chinese music scene. Come on admit it. Chinese music industry is a whirlpool of talented individuals and goofs. Visualise a water basin with muddy water seeping into the faucet rapidly... Now close your eyes.. yes.. listen to me.. *chuckle*

Ok. Now that you got the imaginary situation correct, next step would be to reach out your trembling hands and swipe at the murky liquid with disgust and seize the first thing that your hand detects..

Gingerly open your hands..

Chances are out of 10 times you repeat the experiment, 9 times you end up with slugs, leeches and twigs and once you get a arowana or seahorse whichever appeals to you.

Example :

*Opens fist*

Me : Wah lan eh! Simi lj! You slug!

*Slug O_O*

Slug : No wait!!! I am a singer!

Me : Oh really? Whats your name ar*ehole?

Slug : Leon Lai.

*Ploop. Flush*

Example 2 :

*Opens fist*

Me : Oh my god! A baby seahorsie! Priceless!

Seahorsie : Hi! I am Jay Chou!

Me : You the one thats been creating waves in my drainage pipes!

Seahorsie : You got it. *Plays with tail/guitar* Heard my new hit "Qing Tian"?

Me : *Speechless*

*Strokes Jay Chou's cute head with overwhelming love*

You get the drift of what i am trying to say. Unless you are another cheapo Leon lai.

Quote of the century :

Life's a beach but more often than not Life's a bitch. But you can always cover the bitches on the beach with sand.

Hehehe. Till the next entry.

Beeroholic

2005-03-17T19:28:00.000-08:00

Crazy news i heard just yesterday. In order to get tickets for Wu bai's concert in May, one has to buy 20 cans of ABC hei pi jiu and exchange the stubs for tickets. Bweah. Heard from a friend that hes gonna pour the abc stout into the drain outside his HDB coz his family doesn't drink nor does he.

20 cans of stout = $60

Honestly, i would have trouble finishing 20 cans too. But this is just so improbable. I have to support ABC just to watch a concert?!?!? Last time where got like that.

I hope my friend isn't joking if not i'll do something drastic. You wont like it! Confess NOW.

Monday March 14th will be the day.

2005-03-12T07:03:00.001-08:00

Monday will be a day of decision and the start of hope for me. This is the most pressing issue bugging me now at the moment and on monday hopefully the load on my shoulders will lessen a little. My future depends on this if i may sound extreme. There is no more a second chance, rather, i wouldn't allow it. Its time to do what i have opted to do since i made a critical decision in my life several months ago. Support, encouragement and advice can only push me nearer but not to the finishing line, that is, my goal. Ultimately, its me, Me and ME that will make the difference and i hope my decision will not falter. I keep telling myself, " Whatever i do, i must be resolute in my choice and perseverence for success if given the opportunity." It has been etched in my mind since October. A few calls i would make, several clicks would take place, and the wait would count down whence i left off. The thought of a start to a beginning of a whole new phase excites me but at the same time, it acts as a momentous reminder that is of great significance and remembrance.

There are two quotes that i have came across before that is exactly what i feel right now.

1. "Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And good things never dies"

- Tim Robbins as Andy Dufrayne in the movie ShawShank Redemption

2. "Our scars remind us that the past is real, I tear my heart open just to feel"

- Papa Roach (Scars)

Enjoy the video.

This may sound cliche' but..

May all your dreams come true.